[Emily]: 252.Dark and Horror.She Swallows Tears

2005-12-31 Kuzco: I know what you mean, about that feeling. Hum...apart from wording errors, which I never care much about criticizing and which are less than few, what could it be?
This is the story of a girl being beaten, probably by her dad. You talk about her damned fate, I think I know where you were going with this...honestly, it's missing even more harsh descriptions. How exactly DOES she look? Of course she must look bad after denting a wall but we dunno that. Also, a little comment as to what made her receive the beating would come in handy, to increase the irony and "unconfortableness" of the reader; of course she didn't disserve it and it'd be something stupid, but sometimes it helps to know how BAD it really is know what I mean? 
But I like the idea a lot, "She’s accepting your damned Fate.", that's a great ending and that's why I think you outta show us her life is trully miserable in a way even Jesus Christ himself would beat the guy up.
I dunno...just a thought :).

2005-12-31 Emily: Well, it isn't anyONE person who's beating her (definitely not her dad), it's that she's taking everyone's lies and sins and cheats and she's receiving them as a physical and mental abuse. She was just born that way.

As for what she looks like, you'll notice that in a lot of my writing, I don't do much description on characters and most times my characters don't even come with names! There is also a specific reason for not giving this girl any set description -- people imagine sorrow, fate, etc., all differently. I left her 'blank' so the reader could fill in that spot -- whenever I read this story, the girl comes out looking a little bit like an older, more mature version of myself. I don't want to portray that to a reader -- it would seem unfair and lacking to the story.

I've tried writing a prologue and epilogue to this story -- someone coming and whisking her away into Happy Land... but it just doesn't happen in any real way. I can't formulate a story that would fit this one... I just can't allow her to be happy because, as her own person/character, she doesn't want to be happy. She's rather accept these lies instead of letting other people suffer.

2005-12-31 Kuzco: Oh I apologise, the story goes more deep and general than I perceived. You are right of course; oh and I understood you didn't want to personalize the character, I was thinking more of how does her wounds look, how bad is she disfigured and such, but this comments already are outdated for the reason I already mentioned.

And yeah, if she was happy, the story would loose its unique "glamour" (lacking vocabulary right now); And the whole point of it I think...
Thanks for straighten it out for me. cheers