2007-02-08 kumquat: 2007-02-09 RiddleRose: yee! thank you!!! you just made my day!!! 2007-12-01 Tyr Zalo Hawk: I gotta say, I'm impressed. You did really well... 2007-12-02 RiddleRose: thank you! i'm glad you liked it. this is my personal favourite too, so yay! 2007-12-09 Tyr Zalo Hawk: No, unfortunately I can't say that I have... But I'll check it out... maybe <.<; *is somewhat lazy* 2007-12-12 RiddleRose: i don't actually like the poem that much. i mean, it's good, and the imagery is beautiful, but it's not really my sort of thing. but the rhyme scheme is similar.[RiddleRose]: 298.Poetry.Som
Rating: 0.35
Sometimes at night,
When the wind whistles free
Through branch and briar,
Thorn and tree,
Sometimes on wild nights
When the clouds cast
Restless shadows on a grassy plain,
When the moon is a crescent,
And the stars shine bright,
When the tree shadows dance
On frozen snow,
When the wild lonely howl of a wolf sounds low.
Oh, Sometimes at night
When the moonshadows cast
An eerie flight,
And the shadows and light,
Turn the dark and bright night,
Into realms of enchantment,
Into figures and shapes,
Into things out of nightmares and dreams,
Well, Sometimes on wild nights,
When the spirit rides free,
On a winged steed with a mane of fire,
And coldest ice,
When the dark swirls around,
And the light shivers through,
And the hemlock grows up from the ground,
Yes, Sometimes at night
The heart can fly free,
And escape from the bounds of the world,
And Sometimes, Yes Sometimes
The soul can fly free...
But only sometimes.
And only at night.
Oh god that's beautiful.
I don't even have the words
to express it...
I need a theasaurus :S :D lol...
Gosh, well done!
Amazing.
xxxxx
Great imagery, captivating, even, dare I say, moving...
But one thing I've got to comment on is the loose structure and rhyme scheme. I love that you rhyme, but the way in which you did it (i think) should be a bit more consistent ^-^; (i.e. Rhyming every other line (She waited for the hand to fall/Striking time and ending all), or rhyming every two lines. (If you see the branches/Crawl across your skin/It'll be too late for you/You'll know you cannot win))
Not that it has to be, it's beautiful to way it is. Just a personal preference that I thought I'd get out of the way.
also, the rhyme scheme is erratic because it.. i dunno, it makes it looser? that's not exactly the word i'm looking for, but i feel like it leaves more to the imagination this way, which is a lot what this poem is about. i guess i sort of wanted it ot be more unformatted, but still to rhyme, because i personally think poems sound better when they rhyme, so i compromised. :)
have you ever read Shel Silverstein's "The Garden"? it's a bit like that in the rhyme scheme.