 | Entrance | Main | Wiki | List of forums | The Writings |
2006-03-27 dmeredith: First, to be totally anal retentive, (and I do apologize) your first paragraph is a run-on sentence. I would break it at "Those words..." . Also I think regal sounds better than regal-like (P2). Usually when you use xxx-like it's a (noun)-like construction(i.e. man-like, child-like, etc.)and sounds redundant with adjectives. Otherwise, though I might built the suspence a little more and stretch this thing out to about twice its length by adding more description (i.e. What does the furniture look like in the room, what can you smell, is there light coming in from outside, is it late at night or noon, what is she wearing, what does she look like, what does she feel when she hears the knock before she hears Heath's voice, etc.)I think it sounds like an interesting begining. It forces the reader to ask cetain questions that compel them to read more. As an author you live or die by convincing your reader to continue reading what you've written on the page. As a reader you want to find out first who is this strange man and what is his relationship to the princess? Why did the woman think he was dead? You have to read on to have these questions answered. Good idea, decent start I think, but as they say 'the devil is in the details.' 2006-03-28 sequeena_rae: Oh that's fine, be as anal as you want, well, as long as you don't flame me XD I'm not very good with details, I always hated descriptive writing at school >_> And thanks, this will really help me alot ^_^ 2006-03-29 dmeredith: The best way I've found to bulk up details is simply to write and rewrite. Get your basic idea down, the basic dialog, the basic sequence of events, etc. Then go back through and add and revise. Always think to yourself; "Would I pay $7.95 (US) for this story in paperback? If the answer is no then think "What's missing?" If you look at my stuff (and I hope you will)in my short story "The Reflections of Queen Snow White" I probably read through the completed story making changes start to finish 20 times before I got to what is actually posted now. 2006-03-29 sequeena_rae: *nods* I'll be sure to look at your stories, I've had quickl glances but haven't really read them yet. :) 2006-04-06 beauty in the breakdown: Hi Sarah ... that's not bad at all! I think you should keep going with it for a while and see what happens =) 2006-05-28 sequeena_rae: Heya! :D Awww thankies ^^[sequeena_rae]: 357.The rose and the flame - Chapter one
Rating: 0.00 Uploaded by: Created: 2006-03-27 09:56:45 Keywords: romance fantasyGenre:BiographicalStyle:novelLicense:Public Domain
Under the cover of falling darkness, a woman sat at her dimly lit desk, scribbling away on a faded piece of parchment with such ferocity it was as though the words she were writing were of great importance and if she stopped writing for one moment, those words would be lost forever in a rush of emotions that seemed to tie her to her desk leaving her unable to move.
Across the room, curled up lazily on a small ruby coloured cushion sat an almost regal like cat, it's eyes intently watching it's mistress's movements. He knew there was someting wrong with her, she had not slept in days and he had been overlooked, not good for a cat who needed to be groomed daily. Oh well, it looks like you're cleaning your own fur again Adalardo. Dipping his head, Aldalardo began cleaning his glossy black fur, his tail swishing back and forth showing his anger at having to do such things himself.
As if the woman had felt her familiars anger she looked up from her work and sighed, set her quill down gently, stretched her overworked fingers and raised. "Oh Adalardo, I'm sorry, I know how you feel." Kneeling so that she was next to the feline, she stroked his fur lightly and smiled as a deep rumbling purr almost vibrated from Aldalardo. Alright, I suppose I forgive you. Afterall, you're the one who feeds me. The two companions sat in a comfortable silence before they were both brought back to the present by a sharp knocking. "Aldalardo...D
"Kya! I know you're in there!" A mans deep voice rumbled through the door and Kya found that she could not wait any longer. Pulling the door open, she flung herself at the man, kissing his face all over. "I thought you were never coming back!" she gasped between kisses, not noticing the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.
"You know I would never leave you willingly." He answered, holding her to him tightly. "I love you too much to ever let you go."
"The word was that you had died." Kya extracted herself from his arms gently and pulled him into the room for privacy, servants had stopped going about their work to see what was happening. "I don't know what I would have done if you had died Heath." Strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist, and drew her against a hard, warm chest. "You don't have to know." Heath whispered against her neck, his lips kissing down her soft skin. "I'm not leaving you Princess Kya."
Aldalardo, if he could have, would have groaned. Instead he stuck his tail over his eyes and pressed his paws down over his ears. Someone save me from these mad humans.