2006-11-17 Kiddalee: Ack! Everything's corrosive! I love it! I find it quite creative and interesting. But what makes the piece work is that it's not all about how creative you are. I love how the character's expression is well-formed, not to mention the vivid description of the scenery and bike. The action is good, too. I love your word choice: She scraped herself off the ground... as if she had splattered. I think this would be a great scene to expand into a story, if you can. Heck, I think it would be better if it were part of a whole story.[Kachi]: 373.'Drabble' Fiction.Scienc
Rating: 0.40 Corrosion
She'd been travelling for three days before a wheel fell off.
Once she managed to scrape herself up from the ground again, swearing profusely and stamping her feet in annoyance, the bike came under scrutiny.
"Junk! Junk! I only bought you last week!" She kicked it, then cursed as her foot sailed clean through one side panel, leaving a hole the size and shape of her battered white sneaker. Evidently the corrosion had become too much for it, the waters occasionally splashing against it accelerating the problem.
"Great! Stuck [i]here[/i] with nothing to do and a bike with only two wheels!" she howled in fury at no one in particular. Another kick left another perfect footprint hole beside the first. "This is what I get for taking his advice. I knew it. I really knew it. Never again!"
The only answer she received was the soft groaning of the wind, picking up red dust and scattering it over the battered, three-wheeled bike as if it was consigning it to the grave. Her shoulders slumped and her eyes closed briefly.
"Nothing for it..." Slowly, resigned to her fate, she began picking her way between the softly-glowing green marshes, doing her best to avoid the acidic smoke that rose from them and sticking to the red-dust path that wove like some insane pattern between the pools.
Here. No transport. She knew that it wouldn't be long now.
A howl in the distance. Yes. It wouldn't be long.
Another five minute piece, 245 words, based on the word 'corrosion'. It's fairly apparent I ran out of things to say after three minutes with this one.
By the way, the <i> tags could use some fixing.