[PhoenixV]: 638.Gone and Done

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2007-04-01 16:47:39
Gone and Done Phoenix PhoenixV Poetry Rhyme User Created Written
Gone and Done
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Gone and Done

Gone are the days of old
Here are the days of new
My heart growing cold
Still standing among the few.

The few that move on
But yet, still long for the old.
Probably forever gone
Timeless the story is told

One of heartbreak in life
Wishing for what things were
Gone with this called strife
Never again to occur

No point staying in the past
It only makes me worse
Do things ever truly last
Only death and a verse

2007-04-26 Eleanor: There’s a nice sentiment in this poem, but I think it could be greatly improved by the addition of proper punctuation so we know where full thoughts end and new ones begin. Also, a question mark after “Do things ever truly last” would be appropriate.

2007-05-08 bloody kisses: *agrees with Eleanor above ^^^*

But also it would help if you matched the tense (past, present) of your subjects and verbs. Such as the line : "One of heartbreak in life." This line sounds a bit confusing, but other than punctuation and subject verb agreement, it has a wonderful, very forward and clear poem. *nods* Sorry if I sounded suck-up like. I'm just nice sometimes. *cough* Sometimes...

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