[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.Stories.I'mKidding.Chapter3

Chapter Three: I'm Getting Tired of Being So Damn Awesome.

"Nah, not really." Ghit told his mother as he flopped onto the couch with a yawn. God was flipping through channels beside him, munching on a plateful of bagels as he did.
God had just gotten back from basic two days before, and hadn't stopped eating bagels since. (Ok, so he had. Several times. But only to get a drink.)
(and once when he was choking... but that's a story that you'll have to ask God about.)
"What about you, God? Would you like anything to eat?" Ghit's mother called to them, apparently blissfully unaware of God's current actions.
A bit surprised, God stopped eating, tried hard to swallow and found he couldn't, and finally turned towards the kitchen with a mouthful of bagel to reply. "MF BINFHKFH!" (roughly translated into: While I am quite pleased at your offer for me to ascertain more sustincence, I must decline because I'm currently stuffed with baked dough goodies. Perhaps another time though.)
Thuroughly unsure of his mother's mental condition now, Ghit took the remote and turned the t.v. up a little bit louder, just in case.
"FO..." God began, in the middle of another bagel almost before he had finished the one he was working on "WHUM IFTHEEY HUHMIM OUFUH?" (I do say Ghit, I must ask as to the exact time of arrival of your beloved Jez, as I do believe I am starting to grow somewhat impatient in this particular matter.)
"She'll be here soon dude." Ghit replied, completely unphazed by God's strange speaking habits due to my subnotes and his superior intelligence, not to mention him being a teenager. "Just keep your pants on."
(I realize that not all of my readers will understand this phrase. After all, many might question: "Why would he take his pants off? Do things like this make people come to places faster in America?" To which I'd have to answer: "Depending on the person, and whether or not they have heard of said pants removal, yes. But, in general, no."
However, the phrase is simply intended to mean "Be patient." Why they chose this wording, the world may never know.)
As if on cue, (interestingly enough, it WAS on cue. but you're not really supposed to know that) Jezz entered wearing her now typical long black skirt and white t-shirt, smiling mischeviously as she walked into the living room.
God's jaw dropped and was immediately snapped shut by Ghit. "No one needs to see that mess." He commented without ever looking away from the newest arrival. "Hey there Jez. You look nice. God thinks so too, but he's currently too occupied with the beauty of bagels to communicate his thoughts. Unless you're a mind reader?"
"No." Jez replied as exasperatedly as possible when your voice just won't truly do so, rolling her eyes at his comment. "But, if I was..." moving over next to him she plopped down on the arm of the couch and smiled again slowly "I bet you'd be in trouble."
"And you'd probably be right." Ghit replied as his friend finally finished swallowing his mouthful of bagel and his mother, bless her soul, entered the room with a plate full of pizza bites.
In all truth, Mrs. Job wasn't a particularily evil woman (even though many who've heard what she named her son would disagree) she just happened to have this aura about herthat screamed evil, even though she was quite nice.
Perhaps it was her slender figure, taunting all those who were larger than her in that she was thin, and mocking all those smaller than her in that she really couldn't be considered 'fat' in any sense of the word.
Or it might have been her long auburn hair which cascaded down in waves, much like a waterfall can't because a waterfall is just a bunch of falling water from a river, but more like a sideways ocean where a baby whale might be enjoying his days. (Just as long as the ocean was auburn and sideways, mind you.)
Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that her eyes were full of hellfire, that lights flickered whenever she entered a room, and that she was a successful lawyer. Whatever it was though, Mrs. Lucy Ferse Job just seemed evil. (She's not. But she seems so.)
"Pizza Bites!" Jez exclaimed, jumping up to grab one before popping it into her mouth, savoring the taste and the warm bread on her tongue. Mrs. Job always had a way of knowing just when Pizza Bites were the right temperature to take into a room with Jez in it. It had taken many trials, and two emergency rooms visits, but she'd gotten it down.
With a laugh, Ghit turned around and watched the two girls smile at each other sweetly. "Mom, really. You don't have to make them every time she comes over."
"Sure she does!" Jez snapped back before tossing a Bite at Ghit, and then one at God, who still hadn't had a chance to speak since this had all began.
Before popping the Bite into his mouth, Ghit grinned and replied. "Alright. Whatever you say Jessi."
Two thoughts flashed through God's mind at this moment in time. As a person who'd known Jez and Ghit for a long time, well... more like he'd known Jez for more than 5 minutes... he knew that calling Jez by that name was a mortal sin that was punishable in two ways: Death and Death2.0.
(Death2.0 is the newest form of Death that became a necessary upgrade in order to explain what happens to people who call Jez 'Jessi'. So far, a grand total of 1 1/2 people have experienced it, and we're pretty sure they'll never make that mistake again. (The coroner's report indicated that they had to have died in their sleep...
But just as to how dying in your sleep results in your organs ending up that far from the rest of your body was just something he couldn't figure out.) (The 1/2 of a person was a veteran from WWII who had his legs blown off and had to crawl through enemy lines to escape, receiving 15 bullet wounds during the escape, and later told God he'd never been more afraid than the moment he'd met Jez.))
(Not that God. The other one.) The second was that, as a soldier, he needed to save his own damn hide when a bomb that big was about to go off. So, he ducked behind the furthest peice of available cover and waited for the sound of his best friend's last breath.
Instead, when he looked up all he saw was Jez holding down Ghit and kissing him on the couch. Mrs. Job waved at God politely and held out the plate, as if the world hadn't just been about to end and said in her sweetest voice as the lights flicked on and off. "Would you like another Pizza...?"