[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.Stories.I'mKidding.Chapter4

Chapter 4: Don't you get it Yet?

"Do I really have to?" A tiny voice piped up in the middle of the Ms. Eyil's afternoon Algebra 2 class.
"Yes, of course you do." Ms. Eyil replied with a deep sigh. "Just like the last time I asked you, and the next time I'll ask you. So just get up here and do it!"
There had always been a conflict between Anna and Ms. Eyil. Anna was a free spirit, tapped inside of a mortal body that wouldn't allow her the freedom she needed to express herself. She spent her days dreaming of everything she could do if she ever spent time learning how.
Ms. Eyil, on the other hand, was more like a demon trapped inside of a demi-demon's body. This meant that, while still pure evil, Ms. Eyil could only do so much in the ways of torture and distinctly not nice actions. Which is why she became a math teacher.
(Please don't get me wrong on this one. I'm not saying that all math teachers are evil, and I'm not even saying that all teachers are evil. Merely that, if one wishes to inflict the maximum amount of torture on souls, teaching math is a good way to do it. This is for two main reasons
One: Math is evil. What else would use letters to define numbers, make up numbers (imaginary numbers, for those of you not yet in that level of math), and make high school students do triginometric proofs? Nothing. Math is evil, we must all learn to accept this.
And Two: Being a teacher is kind of like being a dictator. You can assign as much homework as you want, make nearly unreasonable classroom rules, and even punish students at your whim without needing to tolerate rebellion. (I personally think that dictators should learn a thing or two from teachers))
Either way, Anna Nuthor and Ms. Eyil never got along. Ever. The other students at least feared Ms. Eyil, and two wanted to be her when they grew up, but no one quite had the same amount of guts as Anna did. (Mostly because Anna had needed to have one of her lungs removed when she was young. It's a tragic story, really. So I won't tell you now.)
"Alright..." Anna finally conceded, heading up to the board with deep sigh to echo Ms. Eyil's. Without even opening her eyes, Anna stepped silently to the board and took the marker from Ms. Eyil's hand, and then proceeded to solve all three equations, never once even considering opening her eyes.
Ghit watched her, while shaking his head, from the back of the class. "Such a showoff..." He commented to the kid beside him without much thought to the matter. Ghit disliked anyone as smart as him, which was why he loathed Anna, because she was, in fact, smarter than him.
Anna Nuthor was a genius. A record breaking child prodigy who had never, EVER, had trouble doing anything in school that she put her mind to. She was, however, extremely clumsy, nearsighted, rhythmically challenged, had no sense of humor, and had parents who still thought that Microwave ovens were something we might have in 20 years, if we got lucky.
Ghit and anna hadn't ever been able to stay in the same room for more than 52 minutes, which was why the last three minutes of 6th period were almost always recorded. (They're thinking of starting a mini series on NBC, but are horrified at the thought of a potential cancellation at the end of the year.)
In general, it went like this:
After glaring at Anna the entire period, Ghit would finally get fed up with her 'Better than everyone here and that's why I sleep in class' attitude. (Mostly because Ghit wanted to, but couldn't so long as Anna was there).
At this point, he'd leap up and slam his hands on the table shouting something along the lines of 'Hey Anna! WAKE UP!'
(When I say 'along the lines of' I mean anywhere from "Hey, why don't you get a bed if you're going to sleep in here?" and "Mint chocolate chip!" (which just so happens to be Anna's favorite flavor of ice cream))
Anna would immediately snap up and shout something back like "I am awake now, thanks to you!" (Once again, this was somewhere between "and maybe you should shut up so I CAN sleep!" or "WHERE?!")
They would shoot insults (or questions about where the alleged ice cream was located) back and forth until the class sided with one or the other.
Chairs would be thrown, tables upturned, the principal was always called, and several times there were people who decided that the best way to help was to get the two pretend lightsabers and have them duel it out.
Ghit always won when it was simply the lightsaber duels, but never seemed to be able to beat Anna when it came to Force Lightning duels. She was good at that.
They ended up serving detention every afternoon that they were both in school, and that just gave Ghit one more reason to hate her.
Anna, on the other hand, was actually quite fond of Ghit, even going as far as to ask him out about once every two months. It was always the most awkward twenty minutes of detention that followed that question, one person died in anticipation of what would happen (Little B-Ro. I know you're capping angel ass right now, live strong. Live strong...)
Today, Ghit had gotten tired of Anna nearly ten minutes before the scheduled time, so no one was really expecting it at all. The next two mintues would go unrecorded, and the only witnesses were never believed when they told the story of how it all happened.
(At any rate, since I've been stalling for time. Anna's lung had to be removed at an extremely early age due to complications with a knife. Mainly that she swallowed one in an attempt to prove that it was physically possible. the lung was damaged beyond repair, and had to be removed, lest she die.
The funny part is that, when they removed it and laid it on the table, one of the nurses commented about just how much it looked a jack-o-lantern, with a scary little mouth, eyes, and everything.
How this happened, one can only guess, but it sold for $415 on E-bay. (There are some sick people out there folks. Some SICK, SICK people... who need lungs that look like Jack-o-lanterns. And thanks to Anna, Joe John has lived a happy, normal life.))
Ghit stood up. Anna turned around to face him. Ms. Eyil ran to the phone and clicked the emergency button. The air stood still, fumbling for its cell phone which it had left in its other pants.
"Anna..." our hero stated calmly, watching her with cool, unfeeling eyes, "Do you..." Then he paused, quietly as the door opened and in stepped another Anna Nuthor. A perfect duplicate of her thick, raven black pigtails and quirky gibbus moon glasses. An exact replica of her checkered skirt and "I do Rocket Science" t-shirt.
Anna nuthor and another anna Nuthor were standing, side-by-side, barely 15 feet in front of a startled Ghit. "Yes?" They both said in unison, eyes narrowing in a victory glare.
"I... sorry. Just wondering if you liked Pizza bites..."
"I love them." One Anna said, smiling just slightly as Ghit sat down in stark disbelief of existence. "But you seem down. Do you want a toothpick?"
(While I know that this ritual isn't very common in America... or Europe... or anywhere that matter, it's a very common gesture i nthis story, and must be explained.
Toothpicks are the international symbol of removing unwanted things from difficult places. In this story, toothpicks will come up as often as people need consolation due to highly improbable situations which nothing could have prepared them for, and which they need to escape as quickly as possible.
That's how it goes. And now you know, the rest of the story.)
"I... ya. I'd like a toothpick."
The second anna fished out a small wooden toothpick and tossed it through the air to Ghit. Two students fainted while it was still in the air, and the two S.W.A.T. teams that had been called stood in the doorway, unsure of why they weren't needed suddenly.
"Everyone," the first Anna Nuthor commented casually, "I'd like you to meet my..."