[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.The Tyr Files.I Wanna Be A Prince Charming

I wanna be a Prince Charming.
That’s right, I want to be the guy who comes in on the strong white horse, sword drawn and shield at the ready just to rescue the fair maiden from the clutches of the vilest of creatures. I’d like to look her in the eyes and have her heart melt for me so that I could carry her far off into the sunset to a world she’d only ever dreamed of. If I could have just one wish… I’d be a Prince Charming for the princess I’ll probably never find.
But what does a Prince Charming need?
You need good looks, of course. They are an unequivocal must on a long list of qualities that you must have in order to qualify for being such a man of caliber. Good looks will get you through the toughest of trials against the most wicked of witches, the most fearsome of fiends, and will instantly win you the drooling adoration of every girl between here and the afterlife. Talk about a wish for a guy like me.
After you’ve obtained your rugged good looks, the next qualification is, not surprisingly, charm and wit to a degree most mortal men narry shall achieve. You must be able to silver tongue your way out of the clutches of a tribe of angry headhunters, convince kings that you are worthy of their lovely daughter, and even fight off dragons while saying things like ‘What ho!’ and ‘Back to the depths of hell with ye, infernal beast!’, completely meaning each and every word. I suppose the last part could be replaced with lines actually fit for a true Prince Charming. The ones mentioned are more of the words of foolish knights about to be roasted by a dragon half their size. I might be able to pass this part of the test, but only if everyone on the planet didn’t seem so intent on crushing silvery words beneath the heels of their boots.
With the hard parts out of the way, all you need now is armor, a horse, a sword, a shield, and bravery. All of which are readily available to men already in possession of both the above qualities, although the metallic things aren’t really necessary in today’s world. Nor is the horse, but they’re lovely animals, so we’ll keep the horse.
The hardest thing to obtain, in today’s world at least, which is needed to be a Prince Charming, is the princess. Princesses don’t come easily nowadays. Too many girls are ‘go-getters’ and ‘do-everythings’ with a need to kick ass, take names, and be in control of their own destinies. They want to feel powerful, to not need a man to do things for them, and to be treated as equals instead of girls. They don’t want to sit down, they don’t want to be swept off their feet, and they certainly don’t want a Prince Charming to rescue them if they’re in trouble. I’m, of course, not saying that being strong, intelligent, and self-sufficient are bad things. I’m just wondering if letting yourself be rescued is such a bad thing.
To put it simply: I miss the princesses. Because how am I ever supposed to be a Prince Charming without one?

© Tyr Hawkaluk (2004-Present)