[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.The Tyr Files.Post-Suicidal Thoughts

I used to think I wasn't worth it, that life wasn't.
I had my reasons. I had plenty...
Every night, for over a year, I would go to bed and I would hope I didn't wake up. I would yell and scream at myself and secretly beat myself at night when I knew no one would see...
Ya... I did it.
I felt that way even though I had people to tell me otherwise. People to care for me, to see some good. Even if I thought I knew, and felt, that deep down I was just a worthless waste of time and air.
But, you know what?
I realized one night just thinking on it while I cried
"If life isn't worth it, if I'm not... then I have to make it worth it. No one else is going to until I get it started. I don't have the right to take my own life, because if I'm not strong enough to bear living, to keep going, then I don't have the strength to just die... or the right.
The world hasn't been fair to me.
So, every day, I do my best to make it fairer. I choose to make the most of life, of the chances I'm given every day. And if, one day, I don't wake up at least I'll know I lived with, or even without, anyone's approval.

If you're not strong enough to breathe on your own it doesn't matter who carries you...

© Tyr Hawkaluk (2004-Present)