Random Tyr Quotes
Cheapdated Every Leap-Year
In the history of mankind, only approximately things have ever been worth charging at a group of orcs for. Among these things are Love, Money, Freedom, Religion, Not Being Able To Count, Life, Liberty, The Pursuit of Happiness, Frodo, The Capture of Happiness, The Unfair Trial of Happiness, The Life Sentence of Happiness, More RTQ, The Unpleasant Jail Experiences of Happiness, A Good Book, and, last and least, The Pardon of Happiness After Groundbreaking New Evidence Was Uncovered Using DNA Testing Which Was Reviwed And Accepted In A Heartwrenching Three Days Of Deliberation By The Council of Awesome. Because, seriously, no one shouts that crap while they're running into battle.
Now and Laters taste good. And, in the mid-life crisis of the planet Earth there comes to us A New Reason. A New Cause. A New Jell-O Flavor. The Jell-O Ninja, Banana, a man whose father wasn't Darth Quotes, has come to save us from not being turtles. He might even get some sandwiches while he does so, we're not quite sure on that part.
This is a time, and a galaxy, but the question is: If two trains leave Seattle, each heading eastward at a rate of 40mph, and one is traveling towards Tampa with an accelaration rate of WHO THE HECK CARES?!
If you don't see the flashing number, the communists have won.

RUN.

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In an attempt to support the efforts of the voices in my forehead¹, who have made an effort to preserve³ what copious amount is left of my insanity, I've decided that a quotes section needs to be perpetuated. It is my regret to inform someone else that these quotes will make you laugh, cry, smile, ponder, cringe, any of the other side effects listed, or even get mad enough to help the rebellion against tomatoes⁴.
For clarification purposes⁶, these quotes will not only be from me⁷, but also those in my life who I feel are quote worthy. Teachers, friends, family, foes, fauna, females, Fritos, random people off the street, flabbergasted flamingos, and, occasionally, the Pope himself⁸.
I realize that this 'legally' isn't writing, but who's to say what's legal anyways? Besides what do you classify a conversation as besides a legally binding union between you and your muse⁹? These are my mistre-... my who-... my life-partners.
So, until otherwise stated, I'm Tyr, and this is my life.
Smile...
Or Die.

¹ A.k.a. The people² I might not have made up.
² A.k.a. Unicorns.
³ Or corrode³, or preserve³, or raze³, or destroy³, or preserve³, or preserve³.
⁴ However, I can only hope that you will realize that the Anti-Tomato Army needs you more than you need most shades of the color blurple.⁵.
⁵ Shades 1, 3, 15, and 412 are the only exceptions. Those are damned important, after all.
⁶ And those purposes ONLY. Pervert.
⁷I don't talk to myself... much... when I'm around others... usually... Oh no, I'm doing it again.
⁸ For somewhat religious stuff, Popetastic Quotes^TM will not be available on the RTQ. Please check the number flashing on the screen now.
^TM Tyr Marked.
⁹ A rose by another name. That's what¹⁰.
¹⁰ Take it Shakespeare. UH! Double up: UH! UH!

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People Tyr Hasn't Killed Yet
Tyr - Me
Sarah - Tyr's Girl
Epic - The Pup
Lady - Bug
Tigger - The annoying dog (Bug's Bro)
Dory Jean - Grandma's loudmouthed toy dog
Stalker - Attention deficient cat
Buzz - The lazy cat
Shadow - The brat cat
Bitty - The 'princess' cat
Dad - My biological dadman
Mom - The Momanator (Adopted Mother)
Grandpa - Wise old dude (Adopted father)
Keith - Half brother o' doom
Shane - THAT step brother
Grandma - Mom's Maja
Charlie - Guitar (Hero) playing freak(/god) (Friend)
Kenny - The 'not' Native American (Friend)
Kat - A tiger AND a shark (Friend)
Felix - Blue fox dude (Friend)
Alia - The Reddeh One (Friend)
Karen - Adorable horse girl (Friend)
Mr. E - Mentor of all that is good (HS Science Teacher)
Mrs. Gray - One-eyed, biblical short peron (HS English Teacher)
Mr. Leafty - Mormon serial killer teacher (HS Spanish Teacher)
Jeff - Ex-best friend for life
Jason - Actor dude guy man roommate
Kevin - My real life stalker
Sean - The ex-roommate for now
Emma - The button gnu
Punk - You

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WARNING: RTQ should not be used by people who are close-minded, have no sense of humor, paranoid schitzophrenics with acid reflux, or the ULTRABLIND. Women who are nursing or pregnant, or both, should consult a pediatrician and a veterinarian before reading these quotes aloud to ensure the health of the child/late-stage fetus/mother/veterinarian. Do not drink grape juice while taking RTQ, as that sh*t hurts if it comes out your nose. Not available in the n^th realm of existence. For best results, take optically before death.
Side Effects May Include: Laughter, anger, thought, excessive laughter, excessive thought, laughing your arse off, laughing other people's arses off, disgust, sadness, giggling, post-modernism, confusion, confusion about post-modernism, loss of interest in other things, drowsiness, happiness, ponderance on issues you never thought you'd ever think of before for any reason (like post-modernism), ponderance on issues you should never have to think about... ever (like flipping post-modernism, seriously, what is up with that crap?), and, on rare occasions, Foo-Baa.

n = (sum(G*42^log(e^x^2x^3x^4x^5x^6x^Q)-122V,x,14,x)+sum(x+x^(4πee)-sin(cos(tan(cot5.521x))),x,π,14r+5))/∛(400πx sec(r-G)+∬412emc^2)
Where:
x randomly equals 7 multiplied by the time in terraseconds it takes you to read this equation
V is for Vendetta
r is the BMI of the known Universe
Q doesn't exist
and
G is the universal gravitional constant as defined by Mr. Engeldrum's Physics class (RHS 2007-2008)

_{These statements endorsed by the Council of Awesome.
Tyr's Life and all those in it are © Tyr Hawkaluk (1990-Present)}