[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.The Tyr Files.RTQ.Mixed

Sean is ‘writing a paper’…
Sean: No, you’ve got the lyrics wrong!
Jenny: Oh great, you’re looking up song lyrics instead of putting in your own words?
Tyr: Hey, if all else fails, quote an Eagles’ song.
Sean: YES!

Mom: I'm worried about her (grandma), you know? Every time she sleeps in a bit late I think: Did she finally croak?
Moments later...
Grandpa: You know, honey. In a few decades your kids are gonna be thinking the same things about you.
Mom: I hope so.

Kenny and Charlie have just gotten done practicing their piece for Speech and Drama, Tyr has been watching with Mr. E, because he's the coach...
Mr. E: So, Tyr. What do you think?
Tyr: I think that they were good. But, they definitely need more Foo-Baa.
Charlie: Of course! Kenny, you're an idiot. We need more Foo-Baa.

Terrace: I gotta call the boss.
Keith: Tell your boss she faces free men here!

Jeff: He took da tree-fiddy.
Tyr: He took da tree-fiddy?
Jeff: He took da tree-fiddy.
Tyr: He took da tree-fiddy!
Charlie: He took da tree-fiddy...

Sarah: Anna, how good are you at pouring milk?
Anna: I'm pretty dang amazing at it. Oh! I have to show you something!

Tyr: I’m in a room with a loser and a lazy person.
Sean: I’ll think of something to call you.
Tyr: It’s gotta be an ‘l’ word, or it won’t work. *points at phone* I’ve also got my lover on the phone. Oooh! That was me!
Jason: How about lucid psycho?
Tyr: No Jason, you just can’t go P on us. You just can’t go P on us!

Tyr: Why do you eat your bread with a fork?
Sarah and Anna start laughing like Tyr is crazy.

Please note that all comments in this particular scene were made in a 'stereotypical gay voice.'
Alex: So I totally met this gay guy's dog. And its name was Bubbles.
Tyr: Ya, and I met this gay guy's dog, and its name was Alex.
Keith: Yes, I heard that dog was his bitch.

The Nebraskan and Dude #2 are standing, calling towards Dude #1 at end of hallway…
Nebraskan: Hey, you wanna go?!
Dude #1: If you’re startin’, something, I’ll bring it.
Tyr pretends to punch the Nebraskan
Dude #2: See? Tyr’s about ready to get you!
Tyr: No, I was going for you.
Dude #1: See?
Tyr: Ya, This side of the hall man. We’re bros.
Nebraskan: I thought we were all on this side,
Dude #2: Ya, I thought Rob’s room was the dividing line.
Tyr: Not if you’re startin’ anything.
Riley walks out, two doors down from Tyr’s room
Dude #1: Now look, you got Riley all fired up too.
Dude #3 walks out from one door down from Tyr’s room
Dude #3: Someone messing with our side of the hall?
Dude #2: Yea! It’s this guy! *points at the Nebraskan* Let’s get him!

Jeff: Used to be you could buy a snickah, for a nickah, for a niggah. But now, it's a dollar twenty-nine.
Keith: Niggah's 5 bucks.

Jeff: Hey, that's mine!
Keith: No, it's mine.
Jeff: No, what she just did!
Keith: Oh, I just touched my nipple.

Jason: I can see the light in his darkness.
Tyr: Jason, that was so very gay of you. Sweet, but gay. When’s the wedding?
Jason: I am not marrying Michael C. Hall.
Sarah: Tyr, back to work.
Tyr: Right…
Seconds later…
Tyr: Jason, I know when I started spreading that rumor that you were gay it would spread, but I didn’t expect you to catch up on it.
Sarah moves Tyr’s head down towards screen.
Jason: Hey, I’m working on a girlfriend.
Tyr: Way to hide it!

Tyr: I believe... that I'm leet.
Jeff & Tyr: Uber pwning... every noob I meet!
Keith, Jeff & Tyr: When it comes to gaming, I'm the God of War! Haxxin' codes til my thumbs is sore!
And I believe I can frag. Don't care if you got that uber lag. Doesn't matter if you're black or gay. I'll pwn your white ass anyway...
Cause I believe I can own. Sittin' high upon my gamin' throne. Don't try to put me back in my place, I'll shove my shotgun in your face.
Cause I believe that I'm LEET!

Tyr: So, I figured out which bus it is. It's the Frenchtown bus.
Charlie: You think we should light it on fire?
Tyr: I could see that. Their team mime would be all... "Le Bus is on Le fire!"
Kenny: No, it'd be more like: "LE BUUUUSSSSSSS!!!!!"

Haylie: Come on Mrs. Gray, tell us another story.
Mrs. Gray: There's nothing more to tell. That was the last time I got in trouble until college.
Russel: Oh, come on. You must've done something in high school.
Mrs. Gray: No, I never got caught in high school.
Mrs. Gray, realizing her mistake, also loses the ability to speak for several minutes.

Jason: Your mom doesn’t compute
Tyr: Your mom DOES compute.
Sean: Your mom’s a CPA.
Tyr: Sean, that was uncalled for.
Sirens in the distance…
Tyr:See?

Tyr: Guys, do you believe in magic?
Jeff: Tyr, do you believe in sex?
Sage raises his hand for a high-five.
Sage: High five! As he and Jeff high-five. SEX!
Tyr: High-five sex, huh?

Jeff: Ya it’s bad, bad, Leroy Brown…
Tyr: Baddest man in the whole damn town
Keith: Badder than old King Kong
Sage: Duddanunnaduda
Everyone But Sage: FAIL!

Lee: DON’T SHOUT IN THE CAR!
Tyr: DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!
Jessica: DON’T SOMETHING ELSE!

Kenny: Are you kidding? That'd be like blasphemy!
Charlie: That'd be LIKE blasphemy...

Singing along to the radio
Tyr: A paranoid psycho…
Sarah: Me… or Sean?
Tyr: It’s a song.
Sean: That’s it! Sarah’s the schizophrenic psycho. It all makes sense!

TJ throws a Sunny D bottle towards the garbage, misses...
Keith: Ooooh... Fail.
Tyr: Ya. The only thing that would've made it better would've been in this little gnome came out and punched him in the dick for failing so badly. Then it would've been epic.

Sean: That’s my ball!
Jason: Dude, I have like, 6 of these.
Sean: But that’s my only one!

Tyr: Charlie, just because you raped yourself...
Charlie: How does that even work?!
Tyr: Well... It means that you masturbated without your own consent.
Moments after…
Shane: So, Charlie...
Charlie: Ya?
Shane: If you raped yourself by, you know, masturbating without your own consent and all, then does that make you the guy or the girl?
Charlie: Ask Tyr, he seems to know more about this than I do.
Tyr: Well, he's actually a guy. So technically he's kind of both... but it's more like gay rape.
Shane: You know, we should make a movie about this...
Tyr: *just soaked with sarcasm* Ya, that'd go over really well with the parents.
Slightly later…
Shane: Can you sue for that?
Tyr: That would be interesting. It would be the case of Charlie vs. Charlie.
Shane: And he could represent himself too.
Tyr: *doing an imitation voice* Did you really rape yourself?!
Well...
I did! *sobs*
Shut up you little wench!
Your honor! I am badgering my own witness!

Jason: Don’t you think he’s talking like he wants to be stabbed?
Tyr: All the time.
Jason: But especially now, don’t you think we might need to stab him?
Tyr: Might?
Sean: I’m unstabbable.

Mrs. Briske: What are you guys doing?
Tyr: Looking up random things on Wikipedia. Likes names! *types in his own name*
Moments later...
Tyr: Alright, now Kenny... hmm... says here it means (blah blah blah) and... *laughs* In Gaelic, Kenny's name means 'fire head.'
Kenny: Oh god...
Tyr and Charlie: And it burns burns buuurns...

Tyr: Ew, French.
Girl #1: What's wrong with French?
Tyr: It's the Devil's tongue. That's why, every time someone swears they say 'Pardon my French.'
Girl #1: Ya, but it's also called the Language of Love.
Tyr: Ya, but they're liars. French is ugly. Think about it: E-A-U-X makes the O sound? Three vowels, none of which are O, and the most random consonant ever, besides Q, together make the O sound?
Mike: At least it's not as bad as Greek.
Tyr: That I wouldn't know. I just know that French is ugly and fat.
Girl #2: How do you figure French is fat?
Tyr: Have you ever SEEN French people?
Girl #2: Good point...

Terrace: *skipping* Come on, Charlie. Skip with me!
Charlie: I don't think so.
Tyr skips up behind the two...
Terrace: Right on! *continues skipping*
Charlie joins in on the skipping down the hallway...
All Three: *skipping and singing* We're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz! Because Because BECAUUSSSSE! Because of the wonderful things he does!
Tyr: Dudda da dudda da dum!

Grandma: I thought I thought a thought.
Tyr: You thought you thought a thought? I thought I thought a thought too.
Grandma: Ya, you thought you thought a thought, but you thought a thought, not a thought?
Tyr: Ya, I thought I thought a thought that wasn't a thought... I think.
Mom: Will you two stop thinking?
Grandma: We're not, we're thoughting.

Tyr: I’ve given you $50, and Sarah will vouch for that, right Sarah? I gave him $50.
Sarah: Minus $45.
Tyr: Drat! You and your honesty!
Jason: No, he gave me $0.05, so he owes me $4.50.
Tyr: Actually it’s $4.95, but thank you for not being able to do math.

Grandma: Then you got these two kids and they saved your life.
Mom: Saved my life? How so?
Grandma: Without them you'da ended up with a curled up face like me.
Mom: I still do got a curled up face.
Grandma: Ya, but at least you're happy about it.
Mom: Yes, I am...

Mom: You could come with us to Wal-Mart and watch people with Dory.
Grandma: Ya, I'd just watch people. 'Jee she sure looks fatter, even fatter than me. sure makes me feel better.'

Sean: Dude, you should find somewhere else to go.
Jason: You should find somewhere else to go.
Sean: No, seriously, somewhere besides my bed.
Jason: Ya, somewhere besides your bed.
Tyr: Whoa! Don’t tell Sean that, he’ll just go to Jenny’s bed.
Sean: Oh, right.
He leaves

Charlie: The Pope is a Nazi, robot, zombie, vampire, Italian, Mario brother AND he's Santa Clause.
Tyr: He's also the Easter Bunny.
Jeff: The Pope is NOT my grandfather!

Jason: So suck on that, bitch!
Sean: It depends on the bitch you’re referring to.
Tyr: I don’t think it’d be pleasant to suck on any b*tch.

Grandpa: You know, you could come along with us since you've got nothing to do.
Mom: And if I went all I'd do is get hot and die.

Nate: So, what was the 'd' again?
Tyr: Oh it's...
Maria: I know it was d... something.
Tyr: Ya like... d...arflbhadarm...
Nate: Falco, do you remember what the 'd' stood for?
Falco: Ya it's that... the deetdeetdeet thing.
And they say Physics students are smart....

Maria: So, how do you do these problems?
Falco: That's easy, there's this solve button on the calculator...
Mr. E: Oh, you COWARD!

Falco: So, what will we be doing in this class once the seniors are gone?
Tyr: Oh my... E... once we're gone then you'll just have a class full of foreign kids... and April!
Mr. E: I'm not sure how I, or they, should take that comment.

Mom: Tyr, would you like to cook hamburgers?
Tyr: What, like I have a choice? I know you say 'would you like to cook hamburgers' but what you mean is 'Tyr, you're cooking hamburgers even if it's raining meteors.'
Grandpa: I'm glad you've finally figured it out.

Danny: Do you guys have the Sprite in here?
Marty: No hablo ingles!
He slams the door in Danny's face