[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.The Tyr Files.RTQ.Tyr

Tyr is writing down a random quote and realizes he just wrote down 'stupind'...
Tyr: Oh, duh Tyr. There's no 'd' in stupid.

While looking up the word for 'purple' in Spanish
Tyr: Damnit babelfish! That is NOT THE ANSWER!

Tyr: My dreams now have some sort of relevance to the real world. It used to be my subconscious just threw whatever it could find at me.
“Here’s a horse!”
AHHHHHHHH!!!
“Oh, a horse did that eh, how about a TURTLE HORSE!”
What? What in the…?
“AND NOW YOU’RE ON MARS!”
What? Mars?! Since when am I…
“No, it’s actually a JUNGLE!”
I don’t…
“Watch out for the GORILLA!”
What gorilla? There’s no Gorilla
“YOU ARE THE GORILLA!!!”
Now it’s still kind of like that, but it takes things closer to the entrance instead of diving down into the depths and going “Oh, this is shiny.”

Tyr: Look. If I wasn't a stereotype, I'd probably be a walkmantype, or a radiotype, and quite frankly... I can't afford satellite radio. I mean really, can you imagine me with commercials?

Tyr: Which is why unless you never are, you can't be.

Tyr: Leprechauns? o.O... *grabs shotgun* To the end of the rainbow!

Tyr: They still tell stories about me <.< About the boy who wouldn't take Tuba for an answer.

Tyr: True story. Might’ve happened.

Tyr: (pickle) I think that about sums it up.

Tyr: It’s like growing a pair of Walrus tusks… so hard… but so rewarding…

Tyr: You killa my mood. You stabbakillitdead!

Tyr: If it makes you feel any better, I've got a pretty rock.

Tyr: Up the frickin’ Dickens.

Tyr: Curse you 8:04PM! You make my stomach weak

Tyr: That sh*t is vagrant…

Tyr: PANTS!
You see, if you yell loud enough, you can find anything.

Tyr starts the movie The Breakfast Club
Tyr: Aaaaand theyreoffwiththebreakfastclubinthelead, ohbutherecomethecreditsrollinfastupthecenterstage

Tyr: We realize you want to complain, we don't care.

Stick Tyr: Look, I am a STICK FIGURE. Therefore, I shall go pantless when and wherever I may please!

Tyr: I love being me.

Tyr: This is what I think. Accept it, or don't preach to me about intolerance.

Tyr: I did one for tuesday on Monday, and three for Wednesday, Tuesday
It was bundles of fundles

Tyr: I'm me. You're not. Don't tell me how to live my life.

Tyr: *singing* I want to eat bagels on a mountain...
I wanna dip them in cream cheese.
I wanna eat bagels forever...
Because they taste so good to me...

Tyr: And then I haz monies <.< so we could do something more fun than die.

Tyr: *stereotyped Indian voice* Do not threaten me! I run your Kwik-E-Mart! I charge you ten cents extra on every soda you buy from store!

Tyr: From now on, every time you say candy do I have to assume you mean people’s innards?

Tyr: Brilliant!
We're geniuses
Geniusi...
Turtles...
Yes!
We're Turtles!

Tyr: If there's one thing I've learned from what I do, it's that it's easier to drop than to be dropped.

Tyr: No no, cord. In the wireface. On the left.

Tyr: YOU CANNOT COMMEND ME… Er… Command… me…

Tyr: SKANKSHAKE!
YOU WANNA GO MINESWEEPER?!
I'LL TURN THE FLOWERS BACK ON!

On the elemental weakness of the MHFU Fatalis...
Tyr: Annoys the hell out of me because you're like "Well.. it's a fire spewing dragon... so... water? maybe?" But no. Even the Crimson Fata is weak to fire.Makes no damn sense, but they all are. Dragon kills them, and fire maims them. Everything else is like water on an ocean
"THROW MORE WATER AT IT!"
"I AM! IT'S NOT WORKING!"
"WHYYYYYYYY???!!!!!!"

Tyr lets his head fall and it lands on top of his wallet and phone.
Tyr: Oh god no, I landed on it.

Tyr: Like heck you fabio'd that radical Muslim behind!

Tyr as EHarmony: We know you're 18... but you should REALLY be open to 24 year olds that might want some young meat.

Tyr: I don’t have to stop staring just because you removed your eye clothes.

Tyr: If only cable were this good... But, alas, it is not.

Tyr: Dory Jean is just adoryble.

Tyr: I'm a giver. "I don't know how to take, because most people nowadays wouldn't offer me a thing."
I'm a lover. "I protect everything I care about with my life. There are no exceptions; there never will be."
I'm a fighter. "What I believe in makes me who I am. I can't give it up, and I refuse to submit."
I'm a writer. "Every syllable that slips between your lips means something grander to me. I always write between the lines, so try reading between them, if you can."
I'm a gamer. "I accept differences, and I know that most people aren't how they appear."
I'm a singer. "Melodies flow through everything, I sing in the language most people don't speak. I hear your song."
I'm a dreamer. "Life throws lies at me. I'm proud to say that I smash them out of the park, every time."
I'm a reader. "What you say, and what you mean, can be two different things. I see them both."
I'm me. You're not. "Don't tell me how to live my life."

Tyr: Sean. Half my family. Mormon. I know what kind of Jello they ALWAYS make.

Tyr: If that’s your REAL nickname.

Tyr: And I've met myself... but, I mean, that was a given.
I was surprised when I first met me. I figured I would be taller. And less funny than I am on TV.
But, wouldn't you know it, I'm a great guy in real life

Tyr: In life, just go with the flow until you need to fight against the current.

Tyr presses down very firmly on his down arrow button, smashing some small thing under it.
Tyr: Tyr crushes the opposition!

Tyr: I'm an original, it even says so, right here, on my product tag.

Tyr: Sweet. I always knew licking other people's things would get me somewhere in life.

Tyr: It does sound very prolific when it's not stupid.

In what some say is the nerdiest moment ever...
Tyr: Man... I need to edit my graduation cap.

Tyr: Here it are. Any questions, comments, concerns, complaints, conundrums, connotations, condensations, compilations, correlations, combinations, and cackling that might be induced from this paper should be immediately returned to me in the fastest method possible.

Tyr: You know... sometimes I worry about you kids...
Then I remember that I'm not 30, and it wouldn't be kosher to do so.

Tyr: I found it with my mouth!

Tyr: 21... great. Just when I think I'm illegally gambling, they tell me things like that!

Tyr: Sarah, I recommend not doing the limbo while you try to sing.

Tyr: Oh no! =O I'm going to get pregnant!
This will probably come as a shock to my girlfriend... and my parents... and, well, the scientific community in general...

Tyr: Sorry if I seem rude, I'm just a grammar Nazi.

Tyr: I have 24 children.
Everyone in the room: o_O
Tyr: And I'm technically my own uncle.
Everyone: O_o
Someone out of the group: Say wha...?

Radio: Everyone knows that English Majors get all the chicks.
Tyr: HELLZ YES! That's me! SCORE!

Tyr: We have come to the end of the norm… we DEVIATE!

Tyr: Electric, duck, same thing. Watch out! That attack is duck elemental!

Tyr: Anna... I said sing, not 'make dying rabbit noises.'

Tyr: I should stab you in the face.

Tyr dons a Santa hat, dark sunglasses, and a really nice cloth around his neck as a 'cape'
Tyr: I am... the SANTOM OF THE OPERAAAA!

Tyr: GAH! I'M JUST GONNA GO YELL AT MY FLOOR! AND TELL IT I'M ALWAYS JUST GONNA STEP ALL OVER IT UNLESS IT STANDS UP FOR ITSELF!

Tyr: Man, I totally turn on all the lights when I walk into a room. Cause I'm sexy like that.

Tyr: Now, now. We can’t judge every blind man by the shape of his alarm clock.

Tyr:Life is, most certainly, one of the grandest things available to the soul. It's a chance to face the world, with all its pleasures and pains, and then decide for yourself how to take them. Life takes everything you have, which is often more than many are willing to give, but I always do all I can.
Life is a chance. Life is a risk. Life is what we do in-between the origins of our soul and the end of all consciousness.
Life's a game. I play to win.

Tyr: I'm Lysdexic, which means I plant cell.

Tyr: I believe there are actual psychics out there in the world, just none on T.V.

Tyr: It's a video game. You have to let your thumb be your eyes.

Tyr: Your sentence right there made a grand total of no sense to me.

Tyr: So... suicide rates are down...
Mostly because I've been finding all the people who are going to jump off buildings and pushing them off instead.
So... murder rates are up...

Tyr: Tears are not weakness. Tears are strength of emotion manifested into solid form. Tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of laughter, each is the epitome of the emotion, leaving all other form of it behind in a blaze of truth.
Tears... are not weakness, because so few have the strength to cry. Tears are strength, whether you like to believe it or not.

Tyr: Sean doesn't get deep. Sean's a mud puddle.

Tyr: Dude... it's ok to wanna touch my butt. You can't do it, but it's still ok to want.

Tyr: Rock me, rock me, Rock me sexy Jesus… Cause I’m a Gummi Bear!

Tyr: Why don't we consider Greenland a continent?

Tyr: I may be creepy, but I am NOT a stalker.

Tyr: In comparison, most peoples' heads are bigger than a parakeet's.

Tyr: You live, you learn. You die, you burn.

On chewing on sunglasses...
Tyr: Tyr, Glass eater
Actually, Tyr, Sunglass eater.
Nah, Tyr, Solglass eater.
I’ve got it. Tyr, Solsand eater.

Tyr: What's the opposite of speed?

Tyr: So, we need theme songs.
Jeff: Ya! That'd be so awesome.
Tyr: Hmm...
A short while later...
Tyr randomly hops up and starts singing...
Tyr: And it burns, burns buurns... Kenny's burnin' wig of fire!

Tyr is walking around the biology room with a bag of frozen blood worms (fish food)...
Tyr: This is the song that never ends. Yes it goes on and on my friends...
He opens the bag and takes a whiff.
MY GOD!
He reels a bit.
Guys... I just found the end to that song... I am NEVER singing it again.

Tyr: Make your own memories, go have masturbation in your car!

Tyr: Tomatoes are plotting world domination. I mean, think about it. They're a condiment, ketchup, you put them on burgers, spaghetti, lasagna, salads, they can be made into sauce, AND they have both a juice AND a soup. They're freakin' everywhere!

Talking about mouthwash…
Tyr: I prefer my mouth rape without alcohol.

Tyr: I can see your lips moving in my mind’s eye but all I hear is ‘pizza, pizza, taco.’