[Ariel]: 727.I'll Love You Forever

Would she ever be whole again?

She lay sprawled across her bed, staring at the ceiling. Across the room, a broken phone was unceremoniously crumpled by the wall. If she listened carefully, she could hear another phone ringing unceasingly from somewhere in the front of the house, but the caller could wait. The dress lay wrinkled in a hallway, a spot of black cloth marring the perfect white of the carpet.
She could still smell him, feel him. If she closed her eyes, she could pretend that he had gotten up before her to growl at the caller.

But her eyes stayed open. There was no point in kidding herself. He was gone. Enclosed in a box of cedar and silk, buried before her very eyes. No, he was gone, alright. That painful truth refused to be downplayed. Slowly, her hand reached under the pillow and grasped a plain envelope. She held it in front of her face for a few moments, before finally opening it.

Dear Marie,

Since you are reading this, I’ll assume that the worst has happened. First of all, quit trying to be strong. Don’t even try it, Marie. I know you probably have refused to shed a tear. But you don’t have to be strong right now. I’m just thinking about life without you, and I can’t stand it. If you’re reading this, I am so sorry. I am so, so sorry.

I love you so much, Marie. You redeemed me. You saved me. You gave my life meaning when I had doubts. You were my light in a world of darkness. I know you think it was the other way around, but it wasn’t.

Do you remember the night we met? When you were running away from it all, trying to escape everything you knew, and you ran to our bridge.

I was planning on jumping. The world had become to much for me to bear as well, but instead of making a strategic retreat to come back kicking, I had decided to quit playing the game. And right as I was looking over the water, the only thing I could think of was “God, if you want me to live, give me a sign”.

And then you ran into me. Which did hurt, by the way. And even though you were in your ripped up jeans and your “I-don’t-give-a-fuck” kind of shirt, you were the most beautiful thing I could imagine at that moment. You were my angel. Sure, a weird sort of angel, with somewhat sadistic tendencies, but my angel, nevertheless. We just sat until sunrise, without saying a single word until it was almost noon, and your stomach growled.

“Are you hungry?”

And breakfast turned into dinner that somewhere along the way turned into love.

You made my life wonderful. Everyday, you’d smile, and laugh, and prove to me “Hey, I’m not worthless. She sees me, so I must be something.”

And the day you agreed to be mine was the happiest day of my life. Scratch that. Second happiest day. The happiest was when you really were mine. We didn’t have a lot of people, but we didn’t need a huge wedding. We had the people we loved, and above all else, we had each other. I thought we could live happily ever after.

But recently, an old friend came. I knew I should have just ignored him, but I also knew that you’d never leave a friend behind. Hopefully, I’ll be back soon, but obviously, something happened.

Right now, you’re asleep on the floor in front of the television, and Frankenstein (the old one) is almost over. I’m afraid to give you this envelope when you wake up. Mainly because I’m sure you’ll read this as soon as I turn my back, and then you’ll worry about me.

But I’ll ask you not to open it until after you see me again. Hopefully, all I’ll have to do is grab this letter and burn it.

I love you, Marie. I love you so much. I love your smirk, and your laugh, and your schemes that never pan out. I love you.

If I’m gone, I want you to find happiness. Don’t spend your life mourning me, love. Find someone who can make you happy, and live your life to the fullest.

And even if we can’t be together now, I’ll find you somewhere in the afterlife, rest assured.

I’ll love you forever.

Jay

Tears fell upon the single page of tidy script. Somewhere along the way, she had stood up beside her bed. She looked over at the bedside stand, where a pregnancy test was sitting.

It was pink.

She walked over to the mirror mounted against the wall, looking at herself. She put a hand on her stomach. “Hey there.”

Tears rolled down her face as she thought of her child who would never meet his or her father.

I’ll love you forever.

“I love you too,” she said softly, smiling for the first time in days before sitting down and looking at her stomach.