[Metal Tsubasa]: 95.Welcome to the Night.Abandonment

Finding out later that Sunday that Luke would be spinning again at Club Wolf the fallowing Saturday Amen requested the night off. The fallowing week had been bliss. He spent each night working, only to return to his place beside Luke each morning. Of course Luke still had no real knowledge that Amen was giving blow jobs, and having sex with random people, or the fact that he would only go the club when he was meeting a customer there or giving Bruce half his earnings. The real shocker was the fact that Bruce still never dropped any hints that he knew about the lovers. Maybe Amen had got lucky for once in his life and it wasn’t Katrina on the roof.
But tonight was Saturday; he was going to enjoy himself. Ok so he lost a couple of doses, but he would deal with that later. Tonight it was him, the music, and Luke, Who was currently getting ready for his set. Amen sat in a bathroom stall, his bag hanging open on the door hook. The rubber tube still tied loosely around his arm, the needle still in the vain, as he let the rush of sensations wash over. Slowly he took the needle out cleaned the end and put the cap on. Next the tube came off. Both tucked neatly in a little pocket at the back of the aforesaid bag, with the tiny bottle of the liquid drug. Stepping out into the rest of the bathroom he looked around, good, there was nobody. Standing on the sink he moved one of the sealing tiles and tossed his bag up through the hole where he always hid it. After replacing the tile he looked in the mirror, straitened his hair, and the makeup that he had put on earlier. Hearing the now familiar intro of his favorite DJ he walked out onto the dance floor. As he moved, his body felt as fluid as the drug he just injected. Swaying to and fro he never realized the man behind him feeling him up, or the woman in front grinding with him, the bright colors of the lights just added to the haze he was already feeling.
The man behind him leaned more into him and whispered in his ear. “Luke’s in trouble, man. Bruce knows about you two. Katrina spilled about you in the ally way last weekend. His time’s up.” With that the man vanished and was replaced by the rest of the crowed. Amen looked around franticly. Seeing Luke on the stage he calmed down a little but his nerves never went back to what they were before. Tonight was the night that his life was going to hell once again. He had no way to stop it, just like the last time.
Luke watched quietly in the back as another DJ spun his set. The crowd was massive. He was finding it hard to see a certain face in the crowd and wondered if he was there. Amen had told him that he would be there and Luke needed him to be.
Luke felt almost as if he depended on Amen. He needed him, nothing was right without him. Even the sets that Luke would play at any of the venues were based off of a memory of him, or something that he said. Normally, Amen wasn’t there to hear it, but just the thought of what he would say about the line up made him able to push on.
“Luke!” a voice called from behind Luke, but there was no response. The voice came louder. “Lucas!”
Few people called him ‘Lucas’, and that being true, the DJ turned quickly. There he found a very unhappy face staring him down. “Aaron?!” Luke exclaimed in surprise.
“What are you doing here?”
“I heard you were playing tonight and thought I’d drop by,” said Luke’s old roommate as he peered over the DJ’s shoulder to see the crowd. “Looking for your boyfriend Luke?” The question was snide and Luke could tell that Aaron was giving him a nasty smirk. “Do you think he’ll show?”
Luke wasn’t one to hide his sexuality; he really didn’t care, even with the fact that he wasn’t actually dating Amen. However, this wasn’t a jab at his sexuality, which was why it bothered Luke so much. The DJ’s eyes flared as he glared angrily at Aaron. “Go fuck yourself,” he snarled. “None of this is your business.”
“Is that any way to talk to a friend?” Aaron was impassive.
“No, but you’re not my friend.”
There was nothing about Luke that was threatening, not to Aaron at least. He was one to toy with people; he knew how to push just the right buttons. With a shrug of his shoulders, Aaron wandered off, leaving Luke to look for Amen. He watched the crowd persistently, hoping that he would find Amen, but it was quite clear by now that the tall man wasn’t in the crowd. Was he not going to show? It was only two more records till Luke was up to start his set. Fearing for his friend, Luke made a mad dash for the door which led out into the crowd, but someone grabbed his forearm. Luke spun around and found Bruce staring him down.
“What Bruce?” Luke asked hurriedly, hoping that the answer would free him. “What do you want?”
The burly man, clearly fitting his name, looked grimly at Luke as he pointed at the stage. “You can’t go socialize yet,” the man grumbled, “you’re up next.”
Now looking for Amen was out of the question. Luke pulled his arm back from Bruce and turned back towards the stage. The DJ before him was just blending in his next record, which meant that Luke would be blending in his shortly after. He looked dejectedly at the other DJ as he motioned for Luke to come out and start his set.
The two exchanged a few comments and then Luke took over. He looked out over the crowd and everyone cheered loudly. The base couldn’t contend with Luke’s massive amount of fans. That was right, he would have to remember who he was, he was the almost-famous-Luke-Manichart, and he was a god to these people. So, Luke stopped looking for Amen, if he was there, he would hear it, if not, then Luke would still play it. He listened to the beat of the other DJ’s last record and matched it up with his first. Even with this being his third time back in Club Wolf, Luke was still greatly affected by the happenings of that night. When he heard the beat, he could picture himself then, looking out at the crowd, about to vomit from drug overdose. He pushed on, and his first record began to play while he had his eyes closed, listening to the beat. It was only when he put up his second record that Luke noticed him; a smile crossed his face.
Amen was out in the crowd, dancing. Luke watched and was almost tempted to leap off the stage and beat the people that had been randomly placing their hands on the skinny older man, but stopped himself. There were far too many reasons why he shouldn’t, so he just closed his eyes and went back to spinning. Amen could take care of himself.
As he spun, he hoped that Amen could understand every word of every song that he played. They were all for him… but Luke was a little to shy to say so himself. That at times Luke figured was the most confusing to Amen. The DJ was one to act before thinking, which could be good at times… and then bad others. It was certainly something he had to work on, but he was new to the whole ‘relationship’ thing, or at least rusty; it had been several years.

It felt like Luke’s set took forever to finish. Taking out a couple of bills he folded them so that the number couldn’t be seen. He needed to talk to Luke and not make things worse. Palming them he waited, at the base of the stairs to the stage. Smiling to Bruce as he came down the stairs he tried to act like nothing was wrong. Seeing Luke coming he grabbed Luke’s hand and placed the money in it as inconspicuously as possible. Pulling him close Amen whispered in his ear, “When I ask for you to show me what you got, give that back to me exactly as I put them in your hand. We have trouble brewing and I don’t want anything happening to you. You got me. If so, just nod don’t say any thing.” Waiting for Luke’s answer he leaned back. Louder he added. “So Luke how was your week. Mine was busy. You ready for tonight. Show me what you got.” Amen turned his head slightly to look at Bruce, who was watching them. Looking at the money Luke handed him back he put it in pocket and then led him to a table.

Luke had done exactly as Amen had said, but was completely confused by it all. He looked back at Bruce with a nod and a smile just as Amen led him to a table. He had no clue what was happening, so he turned a stern look towards Amen after his glance at Bruce. “Okay Amen,” he said, trying his best not to keep Amen’s hand in his own, though he knew better in the club, Amen had warned him about that, “what’s the deal? What trouble are we in?" He was so completely confused by it all that he felt frustrated. What was all this about?

Amen sat with a plop on the couch facing away from Bruce. “When I tell you this just play it off as a joke. I’m trying not to get us both killed here. I can’t beat around the bush any more. I’m a whore Luke. I work for Bruce. The cover charge is just for the club but if you want something a little more you ask your server for “the menu” and pay an extra 50. I’ve been on that menu sense I was 19. Laugh.” Amen laughed like he had just told a joke and went back to his story. “I’m so sorry I got you mixed up in this. I’m trying to play it off like you bought me.” Amen’s face was smiling but his eyes were full of regret and hurt. “I got a tip from one of my teammates that you’re on the hit list. I’m so sorry. I need to talk to you more. Go home I’ll meet you there. But be careful ok.” Standing up he started to walk away. “I’ll see you there. Better not be late it’ll cost you extra.” Walking into the bathroom he grabbed his things and walked out onto the crowed streets and toward Luke’s apartment.
Getting there he saw the beginnings of his nightmares. Aaron and a couple of his thugs were standing in front of Luke’s apartment building. It wasn’t long after they saw him that he was on the ground and in the fetal position. The only thing he remembered was his arm breaking and the warm feeling of blood form his head before the cracking of ribs sent in unconscious.

Again, Luke did just as he was asked, but when he heard that his lover was a whore he felt ultimately hurt. He was in love with a whore. There was something so wrong with that. Nonetheless, he laughed when he was supposed to and did as he was told. True, Amen had lied to him about it, but now he was telling the truth and Luke knew that Amen cared enough to want to keep him safe. Though he was still hurt, Luke followed after Amen, but only after one of the other DJ's chatted with him briefly about his set. But after that he was out the door and walking to his apartment.
Nothing about the horrible sounds clicked in Luke's head until he saw Aaron and two other figures, some of his old friends... then he saw the creature huddled on the ground. Amen had said they were after him, but clearly he had been wrong. When he saw Amen huddled there, something inside him just snapped and he charged head long into the fight, saying only, “Fucker!” before slamming his fist hard into Aaron’s face.
With him down, the other two came after Luke, one slamming a kick hard into Luke's stomach, which knocked him back into the other mans grasp, but the DJ didn't stop, something in him just wouldn't let him quit. He grabbed the man and flipped him right over onto the ground in front of him. Aaron was on his feet again and the two others had taken a hold of his arms.
“Always wanting to be the fucking hero,” Aaron said as he spat his own blood onto Luke’s face. “Isn’t that right Luke.”
With that Luke received a hard punch to his stomach, but that was all it took to free himself from one of the thugs, taking the other and slamming him into the brick wall so hard he cracked the man's head open. The other, backed off quickly and disappeared into the darkness, panicking for his life. As for Aaron, he still stood where he was, right over Amen’s body.
“Why don’t you just pay for a fucking whore like the rest of ‘em,” the man said with a snide smile.
Luke was on him in an instant. He didn’t have enough time to break his legs, but he snapped Aaron’s right arm at the elbow, and gave him just enough of a kick to send him stumbling away into the night.
“Go fuck yourself!” Luke shouted.
But he had more important things to worry about. In a panic Luke knelt down next to Amen, nudging him gently. “Amen,” he said calmly at first and then, “Amen?” a little louder. “Amen, wake up, please.”
“I’m so sorry.” Was the only thing Amen said when he thought he heard Luke’s voice.
The pounding in his head was the first clue that he was alive, then his arm and then his ribs. Each took their turn when he moved. Whimpering he slowly opened his eyes. “Luke?” His eyes were blinded by a white wash and he slowly closed them, tears starting to flow. “Luke?” He kept asking over and over his voice getting louder.

“I’m right here,” Luke said quietly as he clutched Amen’s hand in his own. Luke felt a little better with Amen awake, but he couldn't keep himself from crying.
Dropping his head, Luke gripped his pant leg in his free fist, which was still raw from punching those thugs as hard as he had. The blood Aaron had spit on his face was still there, but he didn’t care. “God Amen...” he muttered between sobs, “I was so worried about you. It would have been better if they would have come after me, then...” but his words trailed off as he continued to cry. He held Amen’s hand tightly in his own and just couldn’t bring himself to let go.
“I love you Amen,” he sobbed. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Amen squeezed Luke’s hand back, wanting to feel more of the man. Lifting Luke’s hand to his lips he kissed it. “You’re okay? So it was me they were after.” Opening his eyes again he squinted through the light and looked at the top of Luke’s bent head. Letting go of his hand he touched Luke’s head. “Luke I don’t care what they offer you don’t go back to the club. Get your things and go to my apartment. They don’t know where I live. You’ll be safe there. I promised that I wouldn’t hurt you and I won’t let them either.” Lifting Luke’s face he looked into the blue puddles. “I love you Luke. Nothing can change that.” With it said he just hopped that Luke would kiss him then do as he was told and get the hell out of that apartment.

“But they’re not after me!” Luke shouted, clearly angry that Amen would want to protect him after everything that had happened. “I can protect myself!”
With that he put his hands on Amen’s cheeks and went in to kiss him, when the doctor came in. Both Luke and Amen looked up and the DJ rose from the chair he had been in since he had hauled Amen’s lifeless body into the hospital.
“What is it?” Luke questioned, trying his best to keep the tears from rolling down his face.
The doctor looked quietly between Amen and Luke, before motioning for Luke to follow him out of the room. After the doctor had left again, waiting for Luke to follow, Luke looked back to Amen to kiss him gently on the forehead.
“You should stay with me,” he said quietly, with as best a smile as he could. “Let me protect you, I can keep you safe.”
With that he joined the doctor out in the hallway, which looked rather anxious about something.
“What is it, doctor?” Luke asked again. “Is it something serious?”
The doctor seemed rather puzzled with being presented such questions. He stuffed his hands into his pockets, taking a quick glance into the room before speaking.
”You don’t know?” the doctor said quietly.
Now Luke was worried beyond what he had been. “Know what?”
“Your friend...” the doctor paused, not exactly sure if he should say ‘boy friend’ or ‘lover’, but he figured what he said was alright when he heard no protest, “upon some of our test results and from the apparent tracks in his arms...” again he paused, crossing his arms. “Sir, did you know your friend here has been on drugs for quite some time now?”
There Luke froze. His past came rushing over him like a flood. Now, not only had Amen lied to him, but he was involved in something that had sent Luke’s past relationship into hell. The tears just wouldn’t stop. “Are you sure?” he chocked out between tears.
“Yes,” replied the doctor, “indefinitely.”
That was all it took. Luke wouldn’t stand around for someone who was into that, not after everything he had been through. He was still worried about Amen, he still cared, but he could not longer be with someone like that. “Tell him to get better soon,” Luke said as he dropped his head and ran for the automatic doors just beyond the lobby.

Amen reveled in what little kiss he got. Watching Luke walk out the door he inspected his body for and injuries. Finding none he set his head back down, content. Only when he heard Luke’s chocked voice saying something did he get worried. Staring the doctor down as the man walked into the room. “What did you tell him?” Amen asked it a stern voice.
The doctor just looked back at him sternly. “The truth. Now I want to talk to you about a rehab center.”
Amen finally understood what “truth” the man had told Luke. Fuming he looked away for him. “I refuse. I can do that, it’s my decision. And you can’t make me.”
Seeing that he wasn’t going to get through to Amen, the Doctor left. Amen heard the door close and looked for the phone. Through tears he dialed the only number he truly new by heart. Waiting for the person on the other line to pick up he tried to steady his breathing. When the woman answered he greeted kindly, “Hello Mrs. Goldensun, can I talk to Jon please? …Thank you.” He couldn’t hold his voice anymore and when the man answered Amen broke down. “Hi, Dad is it ok if I come stay with you and mom for a week or so?” The older Goldensun sounded worried as he answered. “No that’s ok, I’ll take the bus to town, but you can pick me up from there.”
From the hospital, Luke had gone home and hadn’t come out. He was reveling in memories, not only of Amen but of his horrified past. Drugs were wrong, they caused problems, as did drinking, and Luke didn’t need to do it to know that, he had seen what a toll it had taken on those he had once called friends. Now, the one person he had tried to have a relationship with was not only a whore, but a drug addict. So, torn between loving Amen and hating his addiction, Luke had barricaded himself in his apartment, only moving to feed Casca when she wined at her miserable master.
Had he known? No, Luke hadn’t known anything about Amen’s addiction… or anything else for that matter. He felt betrayed and overly depressed. He loved Amen and now he had no idea where his lover was…. or what to say to him. Would he be alright?

Becky hesitated outside Luke’s apartment. Knocking lightly she received no answer. Knocking harder she still received no answer. Amen had warned her of this. Digging through the stuff he gave her before he left she took out the key. Opening the door he poked her head in. Seeing the cat she smiled at it. “Hi little one, is you master home?” Coming in she set the bag she carried on the counter and picked up the cat to scratch it on the head. “Luke? I have a message for you from Amen.”

Luke barely heard Becky from underneath all the sheets on his bed, witch he had huddled himself under. With a groan he mumbled, “What do you want…?” though not expecting anyone to respond.
Slowly, Luke stood from his bed, cracking his now scaring knuckles, since he didn’t feel the need to tend to them, but certainly enjoyed picking off the scabs, his battle wounds were turning rough. With a rather sleepy stumble and a scratch at his head, Luke went into the living room and found a woman there that he didn’t recognize. With his fists ready to slam into anything that would try to strike at him, he questioned, “What is this about Amen?”
He picked up Casca and held her to him as if to protect her from something. “How the hell did you get in here anyway?”

Becky held up the key that Amen gave to and handed it to Luke hand flat and palm up, her other hand in clear view. She had dealt with lots of jumpy and confused men all the time and Luke was just like all the others. With careful and slow movements she made herself seem innocent, and small. “He told me before he left to give you something’s and said that you probably wouldn’t answer your door but he gave me his key he had. He told me to give you a few days first though…” Remembering that Luke didn’t know her she smiled at him. “By the way I’m Becky. I work at the Wolf. Don’t worry, I’m Amen’s friend, I won’t hurt you. He said he went home. His instructions are in the bag with the things he wanted to give you.” Still not getting too close she held out the bag to him. One of Amen’s sketch books was peaking out the top.

It was hard for Luke to even hold the bag. It was Amen’s, the things inside Amen had put there. Tears began to slowly try to peek out from his lids. Quickly wiping them away, Luke clutched tightly to the bag. “So… so you saw him…?” he choked out. His hands gripped the bag and he turned away from Becky with a “Thanks.”
He didn’t wait for Becky to leave; clearly she was someone to be trusted. He dropped the contents of the bag onto his bed and found himself looking through the sketch book. There things like directions, which he would certainly need, but then he caught a glimpse of something and had to stop. Apparently Amen had been with Luke that whole night at the hospital and not only did Luke feel overly embarrassed that Amen had been drawing him like that, but it was also that the tears just wouldn’t stop coming. He dropped the notebook and packed himself a bag with his eyes blurred with tears.
“I’m sorry Amen…” he sobbed.

Becky Just nodded in answer to Luke’s question. “He looked sorry for everything. Luke you made him happy, I mean truly happy. Don’t make that go away.” Watching Luke go back into the bed room she looked at Casca once more. “Take good care of them little one.” The only answer was the small meow and some purring. Becky left then and hopped that Luke and Amen would be together again soon.
Amen lay in bed. It had been a week from the time when he left “The big city” to come “home”. Looking at the clock the hands were close to 2. Closing his eyes again he could hear the coyotes still howling, but not the other animals yet. He couldn’t sleep, since getting to the family farm he had backed off immensely on his doses. As a result his body was trying to get used to it causing him to sleep at odd times and not during the night either. To make things worse he couldn’t stop thinking about Luke, and the tears that he knew were in the man’s eyes. Rolling on to his side away from the clock he buried his head into the pillow. His body started so shake not only from his own tears but form the craving he was having. He had cut down from twice a day to only once with half the dose. It was just enough to keep his mind intact but his body was starting to revolt. Even then, his mind would scream that it had had enough and he would go to take more and then remember why he was doing this to himself and, with some difficulty, put the drugs back in his bag. His dad still didn’t know about the drugs or his former occupation but Amen had told him about Luke and explained that his injuries were from a fight over his safety.
Today was the day that Becky would give Luke the bag Amen had put together for him. He just hoped that Luke would show up in the next day or two. He missed being held by and holding the shorter man. Remembering that feeling he finally fell asleep.
Once Luke had collected a few things he stuffed his own bag with Amen’s. He didn’t bother to make up his messy room, or to clean anything else for that matter. He left out enough food for a day or two so Casca wouldn’t be wining at him when he came home and then he was out the door and down the stairs.
His bike was always kept in the garage down the street under lock and key, just to make sure no one tried to take off with it. A bike was faster and cheaper in the city than having a regular car, so Luke always kept his bike in perfect condition. After getting past the security code box, Luke found his sleek black bike untouched and ready to go. Seeing that the trip would be rather long, he was sure he wouldn’t make it on the half a tank that it was now, so he drove down to the gas station and then was on his way.
Amen’s instructions were rather odd to Luke, being that the only street names he knew out of it where just with in the city limits. He had no idea where he was going, but it was going to be a long trip; plenty of time for him to think over things.
He now knew far more about Amen than he did before. He was a drug addicted whore, which, when thinking about it, would have been insulting to others, but this time around, it was the truth. Amen didn’t seem like that type of person to Luke, and it took a great deal of thinking to actually believe it. Luke figured that he should have known, at least about the prostitution. Many nights Amen wouldn’t be with him when he went to bed, but then would be back in the morning. Something inside Luke had made him believe that Amen could do no wrong, but with everything out in the open Luke felt like he had his freshman year of high school, manipulated and abused.
Upon passing the city limits Luke paused to check the map again, making sure he could do the rest of the trip with out having to stop and look again. It was a long ways out and Luke was starting to wonder why he had so willingly wanted to come all this way to see someone who had lied to him about the one thing he was terrified of. But the difference between then and now was that he loved Amen, he hadn’t loved… him, nor had he loved Luke. With that Luke was back on his bike and heading out on a long stretch of road, the city fading out behind him.
Nonetheless, Luke felt as though he was the one who needed to apologize. He had left Amen, alone in the hospital right after Aaron, among all people, had tried to… Luke wasn’t sure what Aaron had wanted out of that night. There were so many questions and, among many things, Luke wanted the answers… and a chance to apologize for leaving as he did.
It was a long and boring drive out to the town that Amen had called ‘Voda’. There was nothing for miles and Luke was starting to get worried. All his life he had been in the city or in close range of it, which most call the suburbs, but this was far from the city and far from suburbia as well. If Amen wasn’t in Voda, Luke would have never known it was there, he was a city boy up and down and a place like this was awkward and tiresome. After passing some cows on the way to the town Luke almost thought about turning around, but forced himself forward. This was for Amen… even if Luke still had no idea how to take everything.
After the city had long faded into the dust behind him Luke found a small gas station coming up and upon looking at his gas gauge it was well needed, he was almost on empty. When he was done filling up, he went for his cell phone and found that he had no reception. Clearly, after passing a sign that said something about being in the town of Voda, he was where he was supposed to be, but now had to use a pay phone. So after bumming some spare change off a man in the gas station Luke used the pay phone outside to call the number Amen had left with him.
“Hello…?” he questioned quietly. “I’m looking for Amen…”
Amen sat at the kitchen table. It was late afternoon but they were just now sitting down to Lunch. Amen was listing to his dad talk while his mom only acknowledged him to give him his plate, but still listened intently to her husband, Jon. About half way through the phone rang. Walking over to it Maria Goldensun answered with an almost annoyed tone to her voice. “I’m sorry but there isn’t anyone by the name of ‘Amen’ here sir.”
Upon hearing this Amen dashed up from the kitchen table and ran to the phone. “Sorry Ma’am that’s for me.” He grabbed the phone out of her hand and smiled. Waiting for her to leave the room, he put the phone to his ear. “Luke is that you? Are you in town?” Amen was excited but at the same time hesitant. “Luke are you mad at me...?”
It was wonderful to hear Amen’s voice and it caused Luke to almost forget what had happened… almost. His heart skipped a beat and his lips parted, preparing to say something… and then he stopped. He regained his composure and clutched the phone tightly in his hand. “Yeah…” he said quietly, “I’m here Amen… it’s me.” With the next question he had to pause, a lump forming in his throat. He had to say… something, anything, but it took a moment for him to form words. “Why Amen…” it sounded as though he was about to cry with a crack in his voice. “Why would you…” he paused and then stopped. “Just meet me at the gas station.” With that he hung up the phone, his fists clenched tightly. Damn it…
Amen felt hurt. He knew it was his fault that Luke was treating him like this, but he still felt hurt. At least he had come to see him. Not feeling hungry any more he hung up the phone and told his dad he needed to borrow the truck before grabbing the keys and walking out the door. The drive was slow in the old 50’s ford, but Amen wasn’t thinking about the road. Half an hour later he was walking into the gas station/ dinner. He fidgeted nervously with the jeans and simple t-shirt, he was wearing. Seeing Luke at one of the tables he walked over. Trying to greet him, Amen opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He would have made a great fish, and he was in the frying pan, too. Finally finding his voice he spit out. “Luke I’m sorry.”
He sat there silently at first, ringing his hands as he tried to find a way to respond to Amen. Luke wanted to hold him, to say everything was okay, but his past just wouldn’t let him. He had done drugs, he was the reason Luke couldn’t function normally when it came to relationships… but Amen was different, wasn’t he? Slowly, Luke stood up from the table and turned to face Amen. He placed a hand gently on the taller man’s shoulder, with his head tilted towards the floor.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he said quietly while his other hand, the knuckles scaring from the past weeks fight, now clutched the cross. “I…” he hesitated then stretched out his other hand, returning the cross to Amen, “I’m sure you need this. Here, you can have it back.”
But now the tears were coming and Luke couldn’t stop them. He wiped his face quickly before giving Amen a firm hug; firm, but unloving. “I just thought I’d return your things.” With that Luke let go and began to walk out of the dinner.
Amen just stood frozen to the spot. His ribs screamed with the force that Luke put on them, but he wouldn’t cry. The weight of his cross weighed heavily in his hand; it hit the table he was standing next to. As Luke turned away, Amen grabbed his hand. “You wouldn’t have come all the way out here just to give me back my crap.” His hands were starting to shake but he still held firmly. “What I need is you.” He looked Luke square in the eyes. “I maybe up and walking around but I’m feeling worse then in the hospital. Luke, I’m going through withdrawal. I haven’t stopped taking the drugs… but… I’m trying. I know I should have told you everything sooner, but I didn’t want to loose you.” He could feel the tears starting but he couldn’t let them fall.
Don’t do it… Luke thought as he looked into those eyes, don’t do it… He didn’t want to show Amen that he was crying, but with looking into those eyes he couldn’t help it. The tears ran down his face and he tried to turn away. “Damn it…” the DJ mumbled as he cried. “No matter what I do… I can’t be mad at you!”
There was no joke about it, Luke was truly upset. He didn’t want to fall into that trap again, he couldn’t do that again. He had gone running back to him too and look what he had to show for that. Luke clenched his fists tightly, causing his arms to tense in the process. Nonetheless, as if something or someone else was moving his body, he turned back to Amen, placing his rough hand on the taller man’s cheek. “You couldn’t lose me,” he said, still crying. “I can’t help it, no matter what I do; I’m in love with you Amen.”
He didn’t want to say it. After what had happened, Luke wanted to be mad at Amen. He wanted to hate him, to be so mad that he couldn’t say those words, but he said them anyway and he knew, deep down, that he meant it.
“But…” he paused, dropping his head, “no more drugs… I’ll be right here for you… but only if you give it up.”
“I’m trying…” that was the only thing Amen could think to say. He didn’t move away from the hand that Luke placed on his cheek but he was conscious of it. This was no place to show P.D.A.s. The group PFLAG really wasn’t known to these people and they showed no interest in joining either, except for the woman at the counter who was watching them and the door, nervously. Turning to her he smiled and waved turning Luke to the door. “Hi, Ms. Violet. I’ll come by before I leave for a chat I promise.” With that he let go of Luke and herded him toward the door. “I’m sorry about his Luke but…” Amen’s face went sad. “This is Kansas not the Emerald City.” He hoped that Luke would get the idea as Amen kept walking even past the truck. “She’ll watch our things. Let’s go for a walk for a little wile. I think we need to talk.”
Again Luke was confused by Amen’s actions. There were so many things he was so secretive about and it almost bothered the DJ. He looked back at the woman puzzled and then quickly took up a place next to Amen as he walked past the truck, which half caught Luke’s eye, but he quickly looked back to Amen.
“Yeah we do,” said Luke with one last look over his shoulder. “What is this… other than the middle of nowhere?” There was a slight groan in Luke’s voice on his last comment; he hated anything outside of the suburbs and this was certainly far from any of those. “We have to talk; this whole thing is driving me nuts…”
Amen smiled. “My home town; welcome to Voda.” Amen waved his good hand around at the “nothing”. “This is just the truck stop out side town. Voda is really just over that hill. See the steeple, that’s the church.” Amen started walking through a field toward what looked like an abandoned farm house. “Watch your step. And what exactly is driving you ‘nuts’.”
Luke hesitated. He was still rather upset, but there were many things that were going through his mind. He had to collect his thoughts, and in his frustration, Luke rubbed his face with his hands, before pushing them up and over, through his brown hair. “What’s going on Amen?” he finally questioned. “I don’t understand anything that’s going on, that’s what’s bothering me. I just…” he paused, releasing a deep breath, “I just want you to talk to me for once.”
It had slipped out. He couldn’t deal with it anymore. “Amen…” he said quietly, “I just want you to stop avoiding me. You won’t say anything. The only reason I found out anything about you was because of everything that happened at the Wolf and even that I still don’t get.” Again he paused, clearly trying to keep himself from shouting. “I love you Amen, I really do, but I want you to be open with me. Don’t you love me? Don’t you want me to know about you?”
Amen stopped and looked back at Luke. “I do love you… but… I may like to stand out in a crowd and get flaunted over but at the same time I like to keep certain things to myself. If you’re really that interested then I’ll tell you but at the same time that’s why I don’t ask things about your past.” Looking away again he started walking. Finally reaching the old barn he opened the side door and walked in. “We can talk here for a while.” Climbing up to the second story he sat down and made himself comfy. Waiting for Luke to follow he began. “Since you want a learning session, how about we play 20 questions? You ask one then I answer then ask one. How about that?”
Those blue eyes shot wide as Luke took in what Amen had said. He remembered now, and he was ashamed for being as he was. Amen had never asked about anything, not even about the scar that was so hurtful still. Luke’s eyes dropped back and he looked to the ground as he followed Amen quietly into the barn. It was only when he went to join Amen in the loft of the barn that he turned his eyes upwards, though they looked sad again, disappointed in himself.
“I just…” he said quietly as he dropped down next to Amen. There was a long pause then, but Luke tried his best to make out what was a muddled mess in his head. “I’m sorry Amen. It’s just that… you haven’t really told me anything about you. From the time we met in the hospital the only thing I knew was that you worked at the Wolf, just like me. I want to know everything, everything you haven’t told me.” He rung his hands tightly in his lap, his head dropped towards the ground. “I don’t know where to start… I just want to know.” A slight, but cold smile crossed Luke’s face, his head still turned down. “I’m being selfish though, I’m sorry.”
Amen just looked at Luke, amazed that he wasn’t bombarding him with questions. Finally somewhere, where they could touch he scooted closer to the shorter man and leaned his head on Luke’s shoulder. “How about we both start with the basics. Okay?” Taking a deep breath, Amen started. “Amen’s not my real name. It’s Joshua, I’m 25, never graduated High School, got turned down from a good art school, and my mother won’t talk to me. How’s that, does it answer some of your questions?” Grabbing Luke’s hand with his he laced their fingers together.
Luke was glad to feel Amen’s body leaning against his own, it made things slightly better, though Luke was still unsure as to what he was doing or what to do. Then, he was hit with a million answers to questions he hadn’t asked. Slowly, he collected it all and took it in. Name… age… education… and family, those were considered ‘the basics’, but what Luke had been looking for was possibly something deeper. Still, he was happy to have something. With a warmer smile Luke gripped Amen’s hand in his own, happy to feel that skin touching his own again.
“Joshua?” he repeated. “I would have never have guessed that.” He waited a moment, but it was more for him to figure out what to comment on. Now he knew that Amen was two years older, but what got to him was more that Amen’s mother wouldn’t speak to him. “I’m sorry about your mother, and school, I know how that is.” The DJ shifted slightly, though he still clutched Amen’s hand tightly in his own. “I don’t know my real parents; I’m adopted. When I went to go look for my real parents I was forced out of my house and on my own. It seemed my adopted family didn’t like me looking for family elsewhere.” There he stopped, at least on that subject. “I’m twenty-three, by the way,” he said as if to shift to something a little more ‘basic’.
Amen sighed. “Yeah well there are only a grand total of two, well now three, people in this town who will actually talk to me like I don’t have the plague. My father, Violet at the diner, and now you.” Giggling he looked up at Luke. “You might not want to hear this, but it was actually because of her son that my mom won’t talk to me. It’s funny actually, his name was Harry. He was visiting and we… ah… my mom found us behind the barn.”
Things were certainly on there way back to warming up. Something about Amen’s need to smile as he did caused Luke to feel a little better about everything… except relationships. He could feel his heart sink as he thought about his last time with anyone. There had been no one since then, no one until Amen, with good reason. Nonetheless, Luke attempted a laugh and pulled Amen closer to himself as if to make it all seem that he was feeling better, not worse. “So long as this Harry guy doesn’t come back,” Luke said, in an effort to make a joke.
Amen winced at the pressure that Luke had put on his ribs. Shifting he smiled. “I doubt it, he lives with his wife and three kids a few towns over. You could say I was his bachelor party.” Looking at his watch he looked sad. “Damn it. We have to leave; I told my dad that I would have the truck back to him by 5.” Leaning in he gave Luke a peck on the lips, but at the fell of lips on lips, it lingered. Leaning just far enough back to talk, “But I guess we could be a little late.” Leaning back in, he put his hand behind Luke’s head and kissed him deeper and longer then before.
Oh how he had missed that. Memories slipped back into the past as Luke felt Amen’s deep kiss. He grabbed at Amen’s shirt, with out any hesitation, his body simply relying on instinct. Luke pushed hard against Amen’s lips, as if attempting to keep the other man as close to him as possible. Nonetheless, it was he who moved away this time. “Amen,” he said, sounding almost like a sigh of relief, “Amen, I missed you.” He put his forehead against Amen’s and shook his head slightly with yet another sigh. Still he hadn’t let go of his lover, he needed to feel that connection, he had to know that he wasn’t dreaming. “I really missed you.”
Amen liked the feel of them being so close. Massaging the back of Luke’s head and neck he moved his hand with the cast down to his waist and hips. “If you take me back you won’t have to miss me any more. I promise I’ll fix my life. But I need you to help me with that. Will you be my angel, my guiding light?” He looked in to Luke’s eyes with pleading. “I love you Luke. But I’m scared that I’ll lose you again if you don’t help me.” He kissed Luke’s cheek and laid his head on the other’s shoulder, moving his hands to hug him close.
That was a lot to ask. Luke hadn’t been in a relationship, not like this one. There had been no real commitments in the past, even though he had certainly tried… and this was a big commitment to someone who hadn’t had a relationship since freshman year of high school. Nonetheless, Luke was compelled to say, “Alright Amen,” though the response was shaky and almost hesitant. “I told you, you can’t lose me.” He laughed lightly. “I already tried to lose myself for you, and we both know that didn’t work.”
Luke gently kissed Amen’s neck, biting it in the process. “I’m here,” he whispered gently into Amen’s ear just before biting it. “Amen, I’m right here. I won’t go away, I won’t run again.”
Amen moaned and turned into every bite and kiss. “Mmm. Luke... I ... have to get back home... Dad needs his... ah... truck...” even though his moth was protesting his body was urging him on. Grabbing the back of Luke’s shirt he dug his head deeper into the crook of Luke’s neck. Hearing the wood creak beneath them he pushed Luke away. “We really can’t do this here.” Hearing the wood starting to snap he shot to his feet and pulled Luke with him to the ladder, as the floor gave where they had been sitting. “Ok this barn was old seven years ago. Why the hell did I think it could support both our weight?”
Luke had been having so much fun, his body wanted nothing more than to pull Amen’s in closer. He didn’t care about the truck; he didn’t care about any of it. He didn’t even realize what had happened to the floor until Amen had pulled him from it. Slightly dazed, Luke looked back at the now missing floor and then turned to Amen again. “Well,” he said, slightly short of breath, “we really can’t do this here.”
Amen just smiled at his angel and led them back to the diner, holding Luke’s hand and joking the whole way. Getting to their destination he went in and grabbed their things from Violet before putting them in the cab of the truck. “She said you could leave your bike in the back with her car if you want. My dad can drop us off here in the morning when we want to leave.” leaning against the 50’s styled ford he waited for Luke’s answer. “Or... we can try and lift into the bed. That is if you want to ride with me.” He dangled the keys and made a kissing face.
That was an easy question to answer and it didn’t take long for Luke to get his bike up and into the back of the truck. It took a moment before Luke would step into the truck, for he felt the great desire to look it over, but after a moment or so of admiring the automobile, Luke sat in next to Amen, clutching tightly to his lovers hand. Still, the DJ was amazed that he was acting this way. He was like a giddy school girl wanting nothing more than to be with her boy. He attempted to rationalize the idea with thinking that he was making up for lost time. He had given in so easily to Amen, and it almost worried him, being what had happened… before, but still he hoped that he was right, that Amen was different.
“So we’re staying with your folks?” Luke questioned as he dropped his head onto Amen’s shoulder. Then he turned an eye towards the rearview mirror, where the city didn’t even peak over the horizon. “In the middle of nowhere…”
Amen’s smile broadened wider. Tying down the bike so it didn’t move and get scratched, he climbed into the driver’s seat. “Yep... the middle of nowhere. So don’t get bit by a snake. Flight for life is expensive.” Pulling away slightly he started the engine and started into town and then through it. “Don’t blink you’ll miss everything.” With that he started to rattle off what the buildings were still going the 25 MPH speed limit. “Okay, Church, school, k through 12. On the other side, old man David’s market, the hardware store, and the... wow they tore down the old grain silo.” Leaving Voda behind he started to speed up. Shifting and steering at the same time, on dirt road, was a challenge with a cast, but Amen did it with perfect ease as the speedometer reached 50 then 60 MPH. They reached “home” in about 20 minutes. Amen’s smile finally faded as he saw Jon standing at the end of their road, waiting. It wasn’t had to tell that he was Amen’s father. He was slightly darker in skin tone, and had blue eyes, and gray hairs were starting to show but they had the same body build and facial features. Stopping at the turn he waved, “Sorry I’m late dad. But...” leaning back he pointed at Luke, “this is Luke, he’s gonna be staying tonight then we’ll leave in the morning.” Amen smiled nervously.
Jon gave his son a hard look then looked at the passenger. “Oh so your Luke. Josh told me about you. It’s a pleasure.” Reaching across Amen’s chest to shake Luke’s hand before jumping into the back and opening the window to talk to them. “Nice bike, I’m assumin’ it’s yours. Wish I still had mine, but Maria made me sell it when we had Josh here.
The whole trip Luke felt rather odd. Amen wasn’t being as warm to him as he had been and Luke began to wonder why, nonetheless he was a little preoccupied with Amen’s driving, which had slightly startled him when it came to the dirt roads. It had jostled him to the point when he was introduced to, apparently, Amen’s father, Luke was rather shaky.
“Nice to meet you too, s-sir,” he said, and then on the comment on his bike he felt a little better, and rather pleased. “Yeah, she’s good to me; I’ve had her for about five years now.”
It was hard to think of Amen as ‘Josh’ of ‘Joshua’, but nonetheless he did it, in his botched attempt to blend in. If he had said anything at all that would question the name, as he had done on the phone, Luke figured he would be bothering Amen… or Joshua rather, with something.
The ride to the house was fairly short, but Jon talked the whole way, making it even shorter. Getting to the house Amen grabbed their stuff and headed into the house. Hearing sounds coming from the kitchen he peeked around the corner, at the woman standing at the sink. “Maria? I hope you don’t mind but I had to pick up a friend in town. I’ll set him up in the guest room, if you don’t mind.” The only response was a soft grunt and a nod.
Slightly disappointed that she really didn’t care he walked up the stairs and to a room in the back. “You’re room Luke.” Leaning in closer he added, “Mine is the next door over,” and turned to leave. “Oh by the way they’re going out to the church tonight so we’re on our own for dinner.”
Luke followed closely behind Amen, right up to the room that his lover had designated as being his. It didn’t really matter that the DJ had a room for himself, for he found little reason to be in there while his lover was elsewhere. That was all that was on his mind and when Amen mentioned his parents were to leave, something else found its way creeping back into his head.
Those blue eyes took a quick look around to see if anyone was there and then, upon seeing that there wasn’t he grabbed at Amen’s well forearm and pulled the man in for a strong kiss, before moving away to bite forcefully on his lovers neck. “Are they leaving soon?” he questioned in a slight whisper.
When Luke grabbed him Amen knew what was coming and closed the door. He relished the kiss and whimpered a little when Luke bit his neck but his body longed for the closeness that was missed. “Not soon enough.” Was the only reply before he crushed their bodies together again and kissed Luke, hard. Pushing his tongue in to Luke’s mouth he tasted his love; coaxing Luke to do the same thing.
It was only when a knock came on the door, with Jon’s voice, that Amen let go. “Josh, we’re leaving, we won’t be home for a few hours.”
Panting he tried to answer. Then had he forgotten to breathe. “Okay have fun.” Then he heard footsteps walk away and the front door close. Grinning he turned back to Luke, “I know we will.”
With Amen’s grin Luke smiled back, pulling his lover close to his body. He didn’t know where the bed was exactly, but upon his knees bending over the surface. Luke didn’t want to move his lips or tongue from Amen’s, but upon the frustration of trying to get Amen’s shirt off over his cast he had to pull away. He looked with that frustration into Amen’s eyes, panting slightly as he said, “Damn that thing.” Nonetheless, both were shirtless on the bed in moments, Amen pinned under Luke who was now feeling the need to go back to biting his lover’s neck and ears, gently tugging on them.
Luke’s breath grew heavy on Amen’s neck, his hands moving slowly down to undo his lovers pants. “I missed you…” he said between deep, almost growling pants, “I want you…”
Helping Luke with the shirts he found himself on the bed, flat on his back and Luke on top of him. The ache form his ribs were drowned out by the feel of Luke’s lips and teeth. All Amen could do was hold Luke to him while moans and whimpers came out his mouth. His breathing came in rugged pants as he felt Luke trying to undo his pants. reaching down he made quick work of the garment and at the same time relived Luke of his. His mind barley registered what Luke said. “Careful... ah... Luke... condom... lube.. need it...” Was all his brain would let him get out. His body was used to at least 5 times a week and then it was nothing. He needed this more then he realized.
He was angered by the fact that he now had to dig back into his bag for both things that Amen was now demanding. “Fine,” he grumbled and rolled slightly over the bed to go to the bag that had been dropped a slight distance away. Luke quickly put the condom on and lubricant and in his frustration he wanted to dive in, but forced himself to continue the foreplay a little longer. He bit at Amen’s ear, possibly more forcefully than he should have, and then pushed his lips hard against his lover’s. There wasn’t much foreplay, but Luke figured it had been longer. He thrust himself in fast and deep, clutching to Amen tightly and neglecting the other mans broken condition.
Amen screamed, his nails digging into Luke’ back. True Amen had been a whore, and true he hadn’t needed it as bad the first time that they had sex, but his body was screaming with the lack of time Luke took to prepare him. Luke was an aggressive lover and obviously inexperienced, and Amen understood that but the pain just wouldn’t go away. Running out of breath Amen bit his lip and arched his back trying to relive some of the pressure. Trying to get his body to relax and adjust it refused to listen, instead tightening farther. Only when his lungs started to burn did he realize he wasn’t breathing and sucked in air, his eyes opening and tears streaming down his face.
Luke didn’t really realize what he had been doing, there had been so many other things going on in his head that the condition of his lover hadn’t really cross his mind. His body had wanted nothing more than to be with Amen, to be inside of him. The shorter man continued to delve deeper and deeper, until he found wet tear drops falling. It was only then that he stopped completely, panting for breath with sweat dripping down his face. “W-what is it…?” he sputtered like an old car. “Amen… what is it?”
He was feeling rather weak, his body was shaking and still there was adrenaline rushing through his body, trying to push him on, but he wouldn’t do it. Now he had made Amen cry and it worried him. “What’s wrong?”
Gasping Amen tried to form words through the pain. “Out,” was the only thing that would come out in one breath. Pushing on Luke’s shoulders he tried to close his legs and sit up causing Luke to slip from him. Getting up he winced. Grabbing his shirt, pants and shoes he got dressed on his way down the stairs. Grabbing his jacket he ran out the back door and to the barn. He needed to get away. Luke needed to cool down before Amen could tell him what was wrong. Things had been going great until Luke had shoved in without thinking. Now his ass hurt every time he took a step and all he wanted to do was collapse. Walking in, he pet the dog that greeted him, and grabbed one of the horse blankets on the wall before climbing into the loft.
Looking at the rafters he tied his shoes and started to climb the boards on the wall. If his dad hadn’t put them there for him when he was little he never would have found them. Folding the blanket in half long ways he slung it over his shoulder and walked a little ways out. Laying the blanket down he stretched out on his stomach and folding his arms under his head and crossing his legs over the board he balanced perfectly and tried to fall asleep. The rafters had always been his sanctuary. Since he was little when he was upset or just needed to think he would go to the highest place he could find. It was only after he fell off the roof in a rain storm that he turned to the rafters of the barn. Talking to his dad, Jon finally agreed to put a makeshift ladder up for him on the condition that if he were to go up he would put hay under where ever he was going to be. After a few falls Amen had leaned quickly how to balance while spacing out.
Hearing barking Amen shouted down. “Noah, Shut up!” But he never looked down to see the old germen shepherd was barking at.
Luke shuttered when he heard the one word that came his way from Amen. He was so astonished by the taller mans reaction that he had to sit there for a moment, even after Amen had rushed out of the room. The DJ slammed his scarred fist down on the bed, the sweat on his face dripping rapidly onto the sheets. He had come all this way, subconsciously hoping to fix everything, but instead he was making things worse. After a short pause, Luke turned to the window and found a blond figure running towards the barn outside. That was all it took to get Luke up and back into his pants and down the stairs. He stumbled out the door , almost falling on his face, but it wasn’t because of him tripping it was more because he’s feet couldn’t move fast enough. He was still futious with himself, but at the same time all he wanted to do was hold Amen and tell him how terribly sorry he was.
However, upon reaching the barn he was faced with a four legged guard . Luke looked unpleasantly at the animal standing in his way. I hate dogs… the DJ grumbled in his mind as he slowly tried to creep past the dog into the barn.
“Noah, shut up!” Luke then heard from overhead, causing him to look up.
And there he was, up on the rafters. Luke was about to speak, to call out to his lover, but then his lips closed back together. He didn’t know what to say, he felt like he was drowning and Amen was the only one that could pull him out of it.
“Amen,” he called out, thought it was hardly louder than his normal tone of voice.
Turning his head he looked down at Luke still not moving from his balanced position. “Are you cooled down enough so that I can explain what happened with out it happening again?” Amen called down over the now only growling Noah. Even if you are I’m still not coming down. But if you want you can come into the loft so we don't have to shout. I promise that the floor won’t break, this time.” Noah back up still kept facing Luke. If the bird man wanted him up there the dog wasn’t about to stop him.
Well, he wasn’t exactly calm, but Luke knew well enough that he could contain it now. He was infuriated with himself; nonetheless he released his fists and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry Amen,” he said as he shifted his head to the side, where the dog stood growling. “Please just come down to the loft, I wont do anything.”
As he went up onto the loft, images of his past came flashing back. He was being just like… him, so aggressive and demanding, was that how he truly was? Luke didn’t want that, he wouldn’t be that person, not now, not ever. That was the most aggravating to him.
Amen just shook his head. “Not for at least a few more minuets. We’ve been apart for a while now, but we need it the most right now. We can just talk for now.” H watched as Noah when back in to his doghouse/shall and laid down. Turning his head he watched as Luke came up thought the hole in the floor, his muscles twitched on instinct trying to keep his balance. “I don’t know were you learned you could be so rough but I’m gonna have to teach you differently.” He swung his hands down and brushed the top of Luke’s head with one hand as the other with the cast held firmly to the beam. “Maybe later tonight, if you’re a good boy.” Amen smiled down at him.
That’s what he wanted to see. Luke was so pleased to see that there was some hint of happiness still in Amen, at least outwardly. However, looking up made Luke slightly dizzy; he never did do well with heights. “What can I do?” Luke questioned as he plopped down on the loft, in order to stable himself if he wanted to look up, though at the moment he was simply looking forward to avoid looking anywhere. “What can I do to make it up to you?”
Where had he learned that? It had to have been from his scar, he figured that was the case. Before that, he had never had sex, and after that he hadn’t either, due to lack of wanting any type of relationship. His partner, the only one Luke had had until Amen, had been violent with him, to the point where he would be bleeding and unable to breathe at the climax. Now Luke had done that to someone else, someone who he actually loved and cared for. Why? Why did it have to be like this?
“I don’t really think I learned it anywhere,” the DJ stated, finally looking back up towards that beautiful figure. “It just…” he paused, “happened.” Again there was silence and Luke cocked his head slightly to the side, like a puppy watching another dog on TV. “Please come down here, Amen. I can’t stand talking to you like this.”
Getting on evil Idea He looked Luke strait in the eye. “You want me to come down?” Not really waiting or an answer he un tangled his legs and let his arms go slack and twisted just right to make him self lose the balance his body strived to achieve. The fun part was doing it just right to make it look like he would land on his side instead of his feet, which he always achieved. He had scared his father the first few times he did it when he was sixteen or so.
Luke panicked instantly. As he saw Amen falling he leapt to his feet, though slightly disoriented from both rising quickly and the realization of being so high up. His heart skipped a beat as the shorter man rushed to where he thought Amen would land, but was relived to find that the other man now stood neatly in front of him to his right. However, the look that Luke gave Amen was far from pleasant. With his brown hair flopping into his face, Luke crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.
“Was that really necessary?” he said, wobbling slightly before reaching for Amen’s hand, in the hope to steady himself. “I guess I deserved that.”
But this wasn’t fun and games, and Luke stopped his hand, pulling in back to his pocket while trying to keep balanced. He felt that he didn’t have the right to touch Amen, not with what he had done. So he shrunk back into being timid, all the while his fists tensing in his pockets. “I…” he said quietly, “I’m sorry…”
Amen just looked at Luke not expecting him to pull away. Reaching up he grabbed the blanket and grabbed Luke’s shoulder to steady him. Once Luke stopped swaying he laid the blanket open on one of the piles of hay. “Lay down.” he ordered. “I’ll be right back. You learned your lesson; I do that to every one. Harry just let me fall, the asshole.” with that he went back down the ladder and ran to the house again, returning moments later, short of breath. In one hand he had the lube and a condom and in the other a lantern. Hanging up the new light he pointed toward the west facing window. “It’ll be dark soon we’re gonna need that.” kneeling in front of the blanket he looked at Luke. “If you wanna be on top your gonna learn to do it right, you got me?”
Luke had almost completely forgotten about Amen’s profession, but even after taking in the realization his lover’s actions still took him back slightly. True, his body was ready to have another go, but Luke was worried, nervous this time around, fearing that his aggressive instincts would take him over again, as they so often did. His body was shaking now, in both fear and anticipation, but Luke couldn’t do it, his mind continued in the fight.
“N-no Amen…!” the DJ exclaimed as he sat up. “No… w-we, I mean I-I can’t…” He was finding it hard to form the right words and all he could do was look into Amen’s eyes in an attempt to have them explain for him.
Leaning in Amen kissed Luke to silence him. Meeting his gaze straight on, he pushed Luke back down. “You won’t hurt me again, I won’t let you. Just relax and listen to me.” Taking off his shirt and pants he did the same to Luke. Covering Luke with his own body he held his face in his hands. “Just to make sure, I want you to think of a word. It can be a name, an object, or anything. It’s going to be what’s called a safe word. We use it when things get rough, either sexually or just in general. When we hear it we just stop whatever we’re doing.” Amen just held Luke to tell him that he was okay had kissed him gently, letting Luke think for a minuet.
Stop everything…? Luke’s mind stated as he wrapped it around the idea. It was rather hard with Amen laying there on top of him, touching their bodies together, and that also made the first thing Luke could think of slip out just slightly. For when something finally came to mind the DJ was almost too eager to begin the word with, “Den-!” but quickly stopped himself by biting down on his lip. No, that would bring up far too many questions and that was something that clearly, neither of them needed right now.
“…Knife…” came out plainly from between Luke’s lips, his eyes seeming to could over at the very idea. That was a good enough word, a word that meant far more to Luke than Amen would know, for now at least. Then, as if brought back from another world, those blue eyes looked back at Amen, questioningly. “Is that right? Is that what you meant?” he asked, like a child waiting for an obvious ‘no’.
“...Knife...” Amen said it as if mauling it over in his head. He should be able to get that out if he needed to. Then remembering Luke’s scar he smiled, it would be perfect. It meant something to Luke and reminded him of his promise not to hurt him. “Yeah, that’s a good word. Remember; only say it if things get to rough or weird. We’ll stop everything ok?” Amen’s hands started to move, roaming around Luke’s body, finding their way to Luke’s hips. Gently he coaxed Luke’s legs apart and slightly lifted him self up. “Are you ready?” Amen looked into Luke’s eyes and held his gaze, not moving until he got permission to do so. He had done this many time’s before, teaching others what to do and how it do it.
Luke parted his lips to say something, but he quickly shut them before nodding in response to Amen’s question. How could he possibly not be ready with Amen touching him like that? The feeling of those delicate fingers sent chills up and down Luke’s body and its response was to simply give in to his lover’s own body.
He felt rather helpless, but more because of the fact that he was still hesitant to touch Amen as he was being touched. He had been hurt so badly before and he certainly didn’t want to do that to someone he loved as much as he loved Amen. Nonetheless, he found his hands reaching out for Amen’s skin, touching it and kneading it as if he were waiting for the body over him to consume him.
Reaching for the tube Amen coated his fingers in it and placed one at Luke’s entrance. “Luke I need you to pay attention to what I’m doing, okay?” Leaning down he told Luke exactly what he was doing as he did it. Rubbing at the hole he made it relax before pushing inside. Feeling Luke relax and accept him he added a second finger. This time though he used them both to open him wider, stretching him as far as Luke would go. Amen went slowly as not to hurt him too much even though some pain was expected. Inserting a third finger he hit Luke’s prostate just for the hell of it and to give him a little reward for being so patient, so far he had purposefully missed the bundle of nerves. Feeling satisfied that Luke was ready he sat back and grabbed the foil packet next to the tube. Putting it on, he coated it generously with the jelly like substance and then laid back over Luke. Lifting Luke’s legs to wrap around his hips he pushed in slowly. Holding Luke’s head he kissed him as he pushed the rest of the way in. “That’s the hard part. Now comes the fun. Just tell me when you’re ready.”
Concentration was a rather hard thing at the moment, but Luke tried his best to actually watch instead of simply falling right into the feelings that were rushing so strongly through his body. It took all his energy to keep himself thinking cognitively, for with the mixture of Amen’s gentle probing and that sweet voice Luke could hardly contain himself; he had to bite down hard on his lip to keep from moaning. As the third finger was inserted and Amen hit deep inside Luke’s fists clenched tightly together and he bit so hard on his lip that it had begun to bleed. I’m supposed to pay attention through this?! Luke thought as he took a quick glance up at Amen’s face.
Still this was nothing in comparison to when Amen actually slipped himself inside and Luke couldn’t help but release a low moan while the blood from his lip trailed to the corner of his mouth. Was he ready? Of course he was! Again there was only a nod in response as Luke’s breath grew heavy and his fists started to relax.
Wiping his hands on the blanket he wiped the blood from Luke’s mouth before kissing him softly. Amen put his good hand under Luke’s shoulder to support him and laced their fingers together of the other hand. “Schools out Luke; you can let yourself fall now.” He said softly into his love’s ear. Pulling almost all the way out he shoved back in hard. Angling his hips, he tried to give Luke as much pleasure as he could each time. He kept the rhythm slow but the pressure intense. He knew he wouldn’t last long and his own moaning was getting louder, his hand left Luke’s shoulder to gently stroke him. “I love you, Luke.” Squeezing Luke’s hand in his he pushed deep for the last time, cumming with a moan from deep in his throat.
“You can let yourself fall now,” was all it took to drop Luke, his back arching in the pleasure of it all. With every push from Amen Luke felt the impulse to push back, moaning all the while, deep in his body, as if it would shake apart his ribcage. As Amen moved in to stroke him, Luke bit down on his lip again, his body shaking in adrenaline , not only from now, but also from what had been left over from before.
“I…ah…” Luke could feel himself starting, “…I love you… ah…too…!” he exclaimed in deep heated pants, only before feeling Amen cumming just as he did the same.
He could feel his body falling. He had no energy left to even keep him up. He looked up at Amen with a smile, his whole body shaking from the loss of adrenaline. “Amen…” he said as he tried his best to reach up a free hand to touch Amen, “I love you… I love you too…”
“Shh. Just sleep.” Grabbing the groping hand, Amen held it to his face. Pulling out he just held Luke close. Starting to get cold he kissed Luke and got up, getting another blanket he turned off the light, and laid back down. Covering them both He snuggled as close as he could get. “Sleep, we’ll leave in the morning.” With that he held Luke’s head on his shoulder and fell asleep.
It had certainly been a blissful sleep for Luke, who hadn’t had a warm body to wake up next to for about a week, nonetheless when he woke he found Amen still asleep at his side. It was sort of nice to see how his lover slept, since normally Amen was the first to wake up. Luke wasn’t exactly sure if Amen was a light sleeper or not, for that very reason so he moved cautiously in an attempt to let his lover sleep. However, as he tired to sit up his arms almost gave under his weight. His muscles were sore, though not half as much as they had been the first go, but now his lower body was sore as well. Very slowly, Luke stretched out his legs as he did the same with his arms and only after that did he turn back to Amen, feeling the impulse to lean in and kiss him. It was a simple peck on the cheek, but that alone made Luke happy.
“I’m glad to have you back,” the DJ said quietly, before slowly dropping back and nuzzling in closer to Amen.
Amen woke when he felt Luke stir. It was Luke’s sudden shift in weight that made Amen peek through a still closed lid. The sight of the lean muscles as they stretched almost had Amen moan with need again, but he kept him self still and quiet. When Luke kissed him he fought the urge to turn his head and make it a real one. It was when Luke laid back down that he finally gave himself away. “So am I. Morning glory.” He really didn’t know why he said that, but maybe it was because Luke’s eyes were the same blue as the flower that opened in the morning hours.
Amen didn’t know what time it was but the sound of Noah barking was a sign. He just hopped that the happy doggy greeting was to his father and not his mother. It was when Jon’s head poked through the floor a little ways away that Amen was glad that he was an easy going, laid back, kind of guy. “Get dressed you two and come down to breakfast. Maria made Pancakes. With chocolate chips to and Boysenberry syrup.”
Amen smiled at the older man. ”Okay dad we’ll be down in a minute.” Without getting up he gathered their close and handed Luke his.
“So you’re awake?” Luke said with a smile as he turned over to look at the beautiful, thin figure at his side. “I didn’t want to bother you.”
With the dog barking Luke rolled over and groaned at the idea of that dog growling at him. He hated dogs, and that thought alone made him miss that little ball of fluff back in his apartment. However, when he heard Mr. Goldensun calling up to them, even with being as sore as he was, Luke shot up, clutching the blanket to his body until Amen shoved the DJ’s clothes into his arms.
“W-what the hell!” Luke shouted as he hurriedly put his boxers back on so he could stand up and pull his jeans up around his legs.
Amen just smiled down at his love. Not skipping a beat, as soon Jon left he was up and getting dressed. “That was a call to breakfast, Jon Goldensun Style. Hurry or there won’t be anything left.” He gave Like a quick kiss before he jumped down the trap door and slid down the ladder, fully dressed and ready to start the day. “I’m not joking about there not being anything left. He called over his shoulder, running to the house. Stopping dead in the doorway of the kitchen He froze. the only thing he saw was the angered expression of the woman he once called mother. Looking at the ground he slowly walked in and sat by his dad. Leaning over he whispered, “What’s got her knickers in a twist?”
Jon grabbed another stack of pancakes, and frowned at his son. “How do you think I knew where to find you?” Seeing his wife turn to look at him he shoved another bite into his mouth.
It took a little longer for Luke to get from the barn to the kitchen. Not only was he still only half clothed by the time Amen was down and out of the barn, but the fact that he had to get down was another problem. He hated being high up and was quite grateful to be back on the ground with out having to worry about falling through the floor. Once he hit the ground however, he realized how sore he was and dropped to his knees. His muscles shook, but he stood up again and walked carefully back to the house, where he was met by three figures, and two out of the three of them looking at least somewhat pleased to see him, while the other seemed to be shooting daggers in his direction.
Slowly, Luke dropped down into a seat next to Amen. “I take it she’s not a morning person,” the DJ said quietly as he leaned towards Amen before attempting to steal a pancake or two.
“Actually I get it from her.” He said around a mouth full of food. He handed a plate to Luke in an attempt to save what was on own his plate. “Get your own.” He swallowed before leaning in close and whispering the truth. “She’s the reason my dad found us.” He then stuffed what little was left on his plate into his mouth. “Eat up we got a long way to go.”
As Amen got up to put his plate in the sink, Jon smiled at him and put a nice stack of pancakes on the still empty plate along with a couple of sausage links. “Better hurry or he’ll leave you here and start walking.” Jon winked at him and stuffed his face.
Amen had successfully side stepped his mother but there was still the packing and trying to administer his now once a day dose of the drugs he still took with out anyone noticing. He sighed as he headed up the stairs and into his bedroom. there on the bed was his bag this his liquid cage still inside. He would never make it back to the city with out it, but if Luke caught him using now he would probably never have the chance to see him again. His mind was made up for him as he started shaking. The drug was in the syringe and the tube around his arm before he realized it. He stopped with the needle just touching his skin and got up to lock the door. “You have to do this.” His mind told him as he tried to fight it one more time. Finally the needle punctured the skin and the liquid mixed with his blood and rushed to his brain quieting it.
The fact that yet another person had seen him and Amen in the barn made Luke choke on the small bite he had taken off a pancake, and was just enough to make him lose his appetite. After giving Jon back the food with a quiet, “Thanks,” Luke moved quickly out of the room to go and gather his things. He came up the stairs however, and found the door locked.
“Amen?” he questioned before knocking. “Amen are you in there?”
The sensations weren't as strong as he would like but his brain was still in a cloud. Upon hearing Luke’s Voice at the door he sat up and hurriedly put his things away. “Yeah Luke hang on a sec.” His brain was still in it’s could when he opened the door and when Luke’s image wobbled so did he. Oh God this is bad. Was the only thought as he lost his balance for no good reason as flopped butt first on the floor. “Sorry, guess I ate to fast.” His panicked brain was searching for excuses, only to come up with crap.
There was a look of slight disappointment when Luke saw how Amen answered the door, but it quickly went away when he watched Amen fall. He had tried to grab him before he hit the ground, but he was taken off guard and didn’t have the time to catch him.
“Don’t do that,” Luke said with a sympathetic smile as he grabbed Amen by the forearm, pulling him up. “You’ll get sick like that, you know.”
However, beyond that smile there seemed to be something more. Perhaps he knew more than he was letting on, but the smile hid everything as it always did. He didn’t have any way of actually knowing, so maybe it was better not to jump to conclusions. Luke moved Amen carefully to the bed and then collected their things.
“Do you need anything?” the DJ questioned as he slung his back over one shoulder. “You should just sit there for now, let things settle.”
Amen winced when Luke grabbed his arm but was thankful for the help up. Careful not to fall again as the room sun he just nodded and Let himself lie down. He couldn't believe that his excuse had worked. “Luke...” He posed. He really didn’t know what he wanted to say. Maybe that he was high and that all he wanted was to fuck the man senseless... But given his current residence at the moment that was out of the question. “I ... Love you.” Ok so he got one thing out but Luke’s question still hung in the air as his brain started to work with his eyes again and things stopped dancing. Do I need anything? He thought for a second before a smile came to his lips and he giggled. “Only You, mmn… and to say bye to my dad.” His smile faded as he grabbed his bag and headed out the door.
Jon had noticed that there was only one helmet with the bikes he unloaded it the night before. Knowing that his son would want to leave as soon as possible now that his “friend” was here he had written a note saying that he would come visit him in the city soon. It wasn’t really a good bye but more a hope for a future meeting. He put it by the Bike with Luke's, along with his old helmet and leather ridding jacket. He left to start the real day’s work.
Amen was disappointed as he looked the house with no sign of his dad. Walking out onto the porch he scanned the fields close by and still no sign of him. Still Amen didn’t notice the new objects sitting by Luke’s bike.
“I love you too,” Luke said with a half smile as he pecked Amen on the forehead.
Once Amen was up Luke helped him look for his father. He watched Amen carefully as he went about the house, trying to keep a good distance so he didn’t look as though he was babying the taller man, but close enough to make sure that if Amen were to fall again he would catch him. Once they had gone outside, Luke gave his lover enough room so he could go see his beautiful black bike. There now sat another jacket and helmet, which the DJ was sure he hadn’t brought with him.
“C’mon Amen!” Luke called to the blond man. “It looks like he’s gone! Let’s get back to the city.”
It would be a long ride back, but Luke was pleased that he would have someone else to share it with. With Amen walking back, Luke pulled out his own leather jacket, which had several patches on it from car and bike shows, along with a rather large patch on the right shoulder which he and a now gone friend had designed for a sort of biker gang that fell through. 
Amen looked around one last time before following Luke to his bike. He didn’t realize that the new items were his fathers until picking up the helmet, he saw the note. He smiled as he folded it up and put it in the jacket pocket for safe keeping. “I’m gonna take you a different way to the highway. We just have to be careful about the cop and hope the kids aren’t drag racing today.” With his head finally clearing into the usual fuzz he climbed on the bike behind Luke and held him tightly around the waist, laying his head on his shoulder. Heading out Amen directed Luke around the small town and to the highway. Amen was feeling slightly evil and never used words to direct Luke but instead wrote directions using his fingers as a writing utensil and Luke’s upper thigh as a writing pad. He kept their bodies close loving the feeling of Luke’s back against his chest.
Luke was very cautious through the town, simply because he didn’t know his way around. It sent chills up his spine when Amen’s fingers touched his leg as he did, but after recognizing what his companion was doing he tried his best to focus on the directions, not the touch. However, once they were out of the city limits of Voda, Luke hit the gas hard, to the point where he brought his bike up onto only one wheel, like a horse spooked by something underfoot.
Even after a day, Luke had missed the city lights, the midnight traffic, and the chaotic sirens that wailed through the night like banshees. If it hadn’t have been for Amen’s ‘lesson’, Luke was sure that he wouldn’t have slept through the night. So now the city came up faster on the horizon than it had vanished the day before. Luke pressed on, hard on the gas, but put a hand at his waist to clutch Amen’s, as if to note that he would have to hold on tight. What awaited them in the city? Luke didn’t care, so long as he was taking Amen back with him and leaving behind those horrible things that had turned him away from his lover that night a week in the past.