[Metal Tsubasa]: 95.Welcome to the Night

Welcome to the night. The place where sin is made to look good, or can only be seen under a black light. Tattooed and drugged into the feeling that everything is okay, until the sun rises. This is the world of techno beats, pounding base, bright colors and black lights, a world wrapped completely in sin, but an acceptable sin.

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Three months. Amen couldn’t believe that almost three months had passed since he last saw his lover. Sure they talked over the phone, but hearing Luke’s voice just wasn’t enough. Sex just wasn’t the same, not when he couldn’t feel Luke’s skin against his own.
Amen stood nervously out front of the rehab center. He wore the same tan cargo pants that he left in and a royal blue dress shirt over a black wife beater. His now naturally bright blond hair hung loosely past his broad shoulders. Amen doubted that Luke would recognize him from behind. Since being off the drugs he had filled out quite a bit. Though being force fed and having a decent gym helped things along. Amen was no longer skinny; he actually had muscle to speak of. His chest and abdomen was now a six pack and pecks. His arms were just as toned, though his legs were lacking. Now that he was out about now though that would change.
He fidgeted as he waited for the bus and ended up bumming a drag off one of the aids that was tacking a break. Though it didn’t help with his nerves like it used to, instead it made him cough and sputter.
But the bus wouldn’t be there to pick Amen up. After three months in his lovers apartment, Luke needed to see Amen as soon as he possibly could. However, he hadn’t spent it all alone, not when someone suddenly called him up out of the blue.
One day, not far into those three months, Luke sat at his turn tables, feeling the need to do something to keep his mind off of Amen, but in the process it wondered elsewhere.
“I’m sorry Denzel!” came a cry and it made Luke spin around quickly, knocking his headphones off onto the tables.
He shook his head and sat down on his bed, dropping his head into his cupped hands. His past was just running over him like a freight train and he could see it playing out right in front of him as he raised his head to look.
There he was, crying, pleading for his lover to love him in return. As Luke sat on his bed he watched his younger self fall apart in front of that horrible creature. He had been such a miserable creature back then, his heart strings being pulled to the breaking point.
Denzel, that horrible, manipulative animal just looked down at him with a wicked smile, knowing that he was getting exactly what he wanted. “You like someone else,” that cruel voice stated, “don’t you.”
“No Denzel!” Luke pleaded as he clung to Denzel’s paint leg, tears running down his face. “There’s no one else! No one! Please Denzel! Please believe me!”
That had been the horrible night. Luke turned away; he didn’t want to see anymore. Nonetheless, his mind played it over like watching a movie. It was hours after that point, after Luke had pleaded with Denzel to forgive him. It wasn’t simply because he didn’t want to see that, but because his mind had actually suppressed that moment in time. Before anyone found him lying there bleeding, before the ambulance, all that was there was an image of Denzel over him with a butter knife and those four hateful words:
“You should just die…”
After that, it was black until he heard Denzel’s sister come into the room. The only reason he remembered that was because she screamed so loud that he thought his body was shaking. From there he only saw figures when he was in the ambulance. His parents weren’t there, but Abigail, Denzel’s sister, was there, trying to get him to respond.
“Luke!” she cried, clutching his hand. “Luke, please hang in there! Everything’s going to be okay! Hang in there!”
In all actuality, Luke went flat line more than once on the way to the hospital. The first time was his body giving up and the second was his heart, he desire to live had gone, but he came back, whether he wanted to or not, and he really hadn’t wanted to. Upon reaching the hospital, and ending up in a hospital bed that had once had white sheets before his blood had spilled all over them, Luke was conscious to the point where he could form only a few words. “He… wanted me… to die.”
Through the entire surgery, Luke again went flat line, and this time the doctors were about to give up and report the time of death when he came back. Abigail was his only way of knowing what was happening while he was under, and she told him everything the wanted to know, or at least what she learned from the doctors.
Luke spent days in that hospital, his chest a mangled mess of stitches and bandages. His parents paid for everything, but never came to see how he was doing. Abigail was there for him; she stayed with him and answered any questions he had.
One day, about three days before he was released, Luke questioned Abigail on why she had come to his apartment, being that she had no real reason for visiting.
“I followed my brother,” she told him. “He looked so angry when he left; I knew I needed to follow him to see what he was up to.”
Unfortunately, she had gotten lost when tailing her brother through his own shortcuts, and found herself at the apartment only minuets after Denzel had left. After that moment, Abigail blamed herself for what had happened to Luke, but he assured her that it was his fault, though she didn’t believe him.
Clearly, it was an attempted murder, but Denzel had gone missing and Luke was too terrified to testify against his ex-lover. This got Denzel off the hook and he was back at his home with Abigail after about a month of hiding out. Luke was devastated, and wouldn’t talk to anyone for months and after that he rarely ever talked with his friends. Everything from that night played over and over in his head, when he was awake, when he was sleeping, even when he was trying to daydream in class. He was a mess and Denzel went on with life as if nothing had happened. He even made Luke cry when they bumped into each other at school. Denzel was kind to him and glad that he had recovered so nicely. Luke couldn’t contain his misery and ran off sobbing into the bathroom.
From then until he graduated, hundreds of rumors spread about him and he was turned into this figure that people associated with those in a mental institution. He graduated with honors, and from there he was off to start his own life. Denzel was about to do the same. He had received a scholarship to some overly idolized school and his life was set. The almost-murderer was turned into the perfect student, while Luke turned away from college to focus on his love for music.
Now, with the headphones off, Luke found that the phone was ringing. He went to get it, but by the time he reached the phone it stopped ringing.
Luke didn’t have an idea as to who it could possibly be calling him, being that Amen only called the apartment, but as soon as he listened to his voicemail, he knew who it was.
“Luke?” a female voice questioned, as if waiting for a reply. “Hey there honey! Look who found you! Remember me? It’s Abigail. I just wanted to drop you a line and maybe hang out sometime. Are you still in that apartment? Well anyway, please call me back; my number’s still the same too. Love ya honey, bye.”
The DJ froze as his phone told him that the message was over. He hadn’t heard that voice in such a long time and now he finally realized just how much he had missed it. Luke dropped down on the couch with a sigh as he leaned his head on his hand. “Abigail…” he muttered quietly. “Does that mean…?”
Now Luke stood outside of his parent’s limo, looking around for a man that didn’t seem to be there. “Amen?” he called out.
The aide that Amen had been talking to stopped his soothing of the blond when he heard Luke call. “Looks like a big wig is checking in,” he said putting out what was left of his cigarette, before heading in the direction of the limo. 
Amen turned around just in time so see Luke look at him. The aid only felt a breeze pass him as Amen ran strait at his smaller lover. “LUKE!!!” Amen cried as he slammed into him, knocking them both into the side of the car. “Oh god I missed you.” Was the only thing that came out before Amen had their lips pressed together and his tongue trying to find it’s way down Luke’s throat. The Aid saw what was going on and just went inside. He knew that the man had a benefactor, and now he knew why.
Poor Luke was taken aback by the Amen that he now saw before him, or would have seen had Amen not pressed so forcefully against him. His lover was much stronger than he had been before hand and Luke was feeling rather small in comparison. Nonetheless, Luke was so happy to have Amen’s body against his. He pulled away slightly to get out a few words. “I missed you too,” he said before looking his lover over. “God, you look great!”
He then moved to the side slightly to open the back door of the limo. “I figured we could go home in style after this,” Luke said before motioning towards Amen to enter the long, sleek, black car. “I missed you so much Amen, there was no way I was picking you up on the bike.”
Amen threw his bag in the door before leaning into Luke’s ear. “You haven’t seen anything yet.” He grinned like a cat, grabbed Luke’s collar and pulled him into the seat with him. Amen didn’t even wait for Luke to get settled before he startled his legs and closed the car door. “You have no idea how hard it is for me not to rip your close off right now.” Amen blew in Luke’s ear before he bit and sucked at the lobe.
The DJ was rather disappointed that Amen took the first move, being that he had been planning the same thing, but he had no problem with Amen on his lap. He couldn’t help but moan loudly when Amen professed his urges, but he couldn’t help clinging to Amen when the taller man started to kneed the DJ’s ear. “Oh God Amen…!” he moaned, however he had to turn to the driver, who still hadn’t put up the small wall between him and the two behind him. “Please…” he paused, “take us back to the apartment… slowly.” 
Amen froze when he heard Luke talk to the driver. But as soon as the glass went up he was at Luke’s throat. Wanting to feel Luke even more he slid his hands from Luke’s shoulders down his chest and to the top of his pants to play with the button and zipper. “He can’t hear us… or see us can he?” Amen said staring in Luke’s eyes waiting for an answer. Though it really didn’t matter much, Amen had waited too long for this. The thought of an onlooker was rather appealing. He couldn’t take it anymore his memory of Luke’s feel and taste were starting to fade he craved to have that memory refreshed. Leaning down he forced his mouth against Luke’s once more, as his hand worked its way into Luke’s underwear.
“No he…” Luke panted, grabbing tightly at Amen’s now more toned body, “he can’t hear or see us…” With Amen’s hands roaming all over him, Luke was losing himself. Every sensation was like he was feeling it for the first time.
As he felt Amen’s hand slipping down into his boxers Luke’s body arched up against his lover’s body in an attempt to add some pressure between the two of them. His body leaned back and he pulled Amen down on top of him. “Amen…” he said between bated breaths, “I want you…”
Still keeping close Amen started to slide down Luke’s body. “I need you…” Amen finished. With Luke arching his back it was a lot easer for Amen to slip his pants down along with his boxers, freeing him. Amen finally kneeled down on the floor glad for the extra leg room. “You look great too.” Amen licked his lips as he looked up at Luke and squeezed his hand around the appendage, before licking the tip. “Sorry if I accidentally bite you. I’ve never done this in a moving vehicle before.”
Luke gripped at anything he could get his hands around as Amen’s hand took hold of him. His back arched farther and all he could do was vent his emotions and sensation in his voice as he muttered Amen’s voice gently between his heavy breaths. His body was craving Amen’s and he couldn’t help but grip at Amen’s now fully natural blond hair. Anything that Amen said just came to Luke like music and nothing else. Three months had been far too long.
Amen moaned when he saw Luke’s reaction and the need in it. As he spread Luke’s legs farther apart he did the same with his own, reliving some of the pressure in his own pants. As Amen finally sucked at Luke one hand slid to Luke’s balls and the other undid his own pants, sliding in to free himself. With Luke in his current state, Amen couldn’t help but feel the need to feel the same bliss.
If he continued as he was, Luke could have possibly pulled Amen’s hair out, so his hands gripped for something else, which happened to be the door handle, at his side. In grabbing at the handle, Luke hadn’t realized that he was pushing down the window in the process. In any other position, Luke possibly would have noticed, but as it was, he had no idea that anything around him had changed, or that the back windows of a taxi on that same side was now open to all the happenings in the limo just as Luke let out a deep moan.
The only thing Amen noticed was a slight breeze that touched him. Until he heard the sound of a little girl from the car next to them. “Mommy what’s wrong with that man?” Amen panicked and pulled away to crouch on the floor and to the window controls. Moving Luke’s hand to grab the seat instead he pushed the window up button and then locked them.
“I can’t believe you did that…” Amen accused like Luke did it on purpose. “I know you like to scare the lady across the ally but a little KID?”
But poor Luke had no idea what had happened until Amen stopped completely. He panted deeply as he looked down at the man on his knees. “God…” he said between another deep breath, “I… it wasn’t like I wanted to…” The DJ’s face flushed a bright red as he turned away from the now closed and locked window. He felt a little turned off by that now, but still he leaned over to Amen’s level, cupping the man’s face in his hands before leaning in for a deep and forceful kiss. He was so hard, the embarrassment faded so quickly it was as if nothing had happened. Still locking lips, Luke pushed Amen back on the floor just in front of the seat. With a great deal of force he pushed Amen’s shoulders down and shoved his own tongue deep into Amen’s mouth, his hands then roaming to Amen’s undone pants to take hold of the taller and now more muscular man. He moved down Amen’s body slowly, lifting up the man’s shirt as he began to kiss and lick at that toned stomach, all the while still gripping at Amen.
When Luke kissed him, all Amen could think to do was to grab at him and kiss back. One hand went for Luke’s shirt while the other cupped the back of Luke’s head. The only problem that Amen had when Luke pushed him down though was that, how he was sitting before, his feet were under his ass causing it and his back to arch as Luke pushed on his shoulders. He met the invading tongue with his own and welcomed it by sucking on it. Thought when Luke grabbed him he through his head back with a load moan, till he was panting. The farther down Luke traveled down his body the harder his breathing got along with everything else. As for Amen’s hands, they had gained a mind of their own. One was grabbing and kneading Luke’s arm and shoulders. The other was at Luke’s head urging him down and on.
It didn’t take any coaxing by Amen to get Luke to continue downwards, his tongue moved lower and lower, to the point where he had to push Amen forward, bringing his legs up all the while pulling the taller man’s pants farther down. Grabbing now at Amen’s hips he took all of his lover into his mouth, gently wrapping his tongue about the thick and now hard appendage. This wasn’t something he really knew how to do, being that he had only done it once… with Denzel, but it had only happened once. Nonetheless, he wanted to please Amen now, as Amen felt the need to do so many times with him.
Amen didn’t know what Luke was planning and really didn’t care as Luke unfolded his legs allowing blood to flow to his feet once again. He just thought that Luke was tired of playing around and wanted to get down to business. His hand made it only half way to his bag before Luke took him in his mouth. Surprised, Amen’s eyes shot wide as a shout came out his mouth, “Oh God, Luke!” His fists clenched uncontrollably and he moved the one from Luke’s head to his own thigh. He had never received a blow job before and his mind and body was going nuts with the new sensations. One thing it did that never happened, at least not since Harry, was that his entire body turned bright red. He knew it wasn’t from embarrassment but still he didn’t know what… “oh god, oh fuck…” was all Amen could say as Luke’s tongue worked over him. He was getting close and the only warning that Luke got was his name being shouted before Amen’s body tensed.
Luke had no idea what to expect and was completely inexperienced, so when Amen’s body gave the DJ almost choked. Nonetheless, he handled it as well as he could and looked up at Amen as he wiped his own face.
He smiled before crawling on top of his lover’s body. “You’re all red Amen,” he said quietly, kissing and biting at Amen’s neck. “Is it getting to hot in here for you?” His lips and teeth found their way gently to Amen’s ear, his tongue playing gently with the other man’s earrings.
Amen nuzzled the side of Luke’s face with his own. He didn’t reply to Luke’s question. All he could do was just to let his body and mind settle for a minuet. His body craved to feel it’s lover against it and Amen’s legs cradled Luke’s hips while Amen’s hands and arms caressed Luke’s shoulders and head. “I missed you Angel.” Was the first thing that came out of his mouth. “I’ve tasted heaven. But I want more.” Amen Whispered in Luke’s ear as he rubbed their hips together. “Can you grant me that Angel?” His body had faded a couple of shades but hadn’t cooled down any. He realized that they both still had their shirts on and started pulling at Luke’s shirt as he also tried to get his off at the same time eager to feel skin touch skin.
He missed hearing that name. When Luke heard it chills ran down his spine and he clung tightly to Amen’s hot body. “I’ll give you whatever you want,” the DJ whispered quietly in his lovers ear before be moved down slightly. With Amen’s body already slightly wet, it didn’t take much to work in one finger, followed momentarily by a second. Luke gently kissed at Amen’s chest and stomach as he worked his fingers in deeper.
When Luke slid down his body Amen took the opportunity to pull Luke’s shirt off completely and finally shuck his own as well. His hips came to meet the first finger and gladly accept it but as Luke inserted a second Amen’s body screamed and he bit his lip to keep from voicing it. He quickly found his bag and pulled out the lube he had stashed there and placed it in front of Luke’s face, on his stomach. “Please. Three months is too long… Please.” He wined arching his back to pull away from the fingers but staying close to the Lips that were kissing him.
It was true that three months had been to long and Luke had half turned to his old habits. So he willingly did as Amen had hinted and slowly worked his fingers back in. His hot breath blew gently over Amen’s stomach as Luke worked his fingers to loosen the hole. Luke was just prepping himself to slide in when the limo suddenly came to a stop. Slightly confused Luke’s eyes turned up to see the spacer between him and the driver slightly open.
“Mr. Hartington,” a voice came back, “we’re arrived.” And the spacer went up again.
In utter defeat Luke dropped his head onto Amen’s stomach. “God damn it…” he groaned. “Perfect timing.”
Amen couldn’t help but snicker as Luke collapsed on him. That was twice now that Luke came so close and then got interrupted. Amen got an idea and through his under shirt at the pouting man. “Here put this on and don’t do up your pants.” Amen said throwing his over shirt on and pulling up his pants. “Cars aren’t a good place for you.”
Quickly Luke grabbed the shirt that Amen gave him and stumbled out of the car, with it half over his head and his pants sagging down almost past his hips. After picking up his own shirt, Luke went to the front door, where the driver rolled down his window.
“Is there something else Mr. Hartington?” the man questioned, his dark glasses covering his eyes.
Luke smiled at the driver, though it was a rather flustered smile. “No,” he replied, “just take the car back to my parents.”
With that the car drove off and Luke rushed after Amen, holding his pants up as he ran.
Amen walked casually up to the front door. One hand had his bag slung over his shoulder and the other in his pocket to keep his pants up. The bottom two buttons were the only ones done up on his shirt, just enough to cover his undone fly. He giggled at his younger lover running after him, and led them into the elevator. As soon as the door closed Amen dropped his bag and pinned Luke against the wall. “You have two options. The first is we make out here and have sex in the apartment or, two is I jerk you off then we have sex in the apartment. Hurry we don’t have long in here.” Amen blew in Luke’s ear as he watched the numbers tick closer to the top floor and their home.
With Amen against him with strong force, Luke almost wanted his lover to finish him off, but this he wanted to drag on, it made things better. So after given the choices, Luke pulled Amen’s face towards his own. “We can wait a little longer,” he said gently before he thrust his tongue into Amen’s mouth and moved his hand into th man’s pants. The elevator continued on.
Amen became slightly distracted by the tongue in his mouth and the hand in his pants, but still he counted the dings from the wall. 2…3…4…half way up. Stepping up the pace he wanted to get Luke to were once the front door opened their cloths would be off and Luke would be inside him. He grabbed Luke’s invading hand and pinned them both above his head and pressed their bodies as close as they could get. His tongue joined in a fight for dominance and worked it’s way around Luke’s mouth. Amen gently rocked his hips imitating the act they were about to perform. …5…6…7 And Amen broke the kiss and pulled totally away grabbing his bag and his keys to open the door. The eighth floor arrived and Amen stepped out and into the hall as cool as a cucumber.
Luke felt dizzy when they made it to the eight floor. Before he had bee shocked at Amen’s dominance and fell right into it, but with his lover dropping the intimacy just like that Luke felt his knees give under him. On the floor of the elevator, Luke grabbed at the door, to keep it open.
“Amen…!” he shouted before finding his feet and stumbling out after his lover. His face flushing slightly, Luke wrapped his arms around his lover’s waist. “Damn you…”
“What?” Amen said looking back innocently as he opened the front door. “You were the one that picked.” Amen looked around at the place he called home. Cloths were scattered every where and the kitchen sink was full of dishes. True he didn’t have time to clean before he left but Luke still could have done it.
…He would clean later there were more pressing maters right now like the one at his back. He spun in Luke’s grasp and closed the door, at the same time he pinned Luke against it and continued what had happened in the elevator. This time though he fished in Luke’s pants and started pumping his hand. “We’re in, but it’s up to you to pick the place.” Amen let go of Luke’s arms and ran that hand up Luke’s chest pushing that too big shirt up with it.
Luke couldn’t think straight with Amen’s hand down his pants. Where…? went through his mind. He didn’t want to have to go all the way up the stairs and into the bedroom, and the couch didn’t have enough room. So the only place Luke could think to go was the shower. So Luke began to push Amen towards the bathroom. His and Amen’s shirts were the first to come off and then Luke stumbled out of his pants while pulling at Amen’s as well. He had to fumble with turning on the shower, but once it was on he looked up at Amen and pulled the man back down to his level for a deep kiss, pressing hard against his lovers face. He pushed Amen into the shower with his own force under the somewhat cool water.
It wasn’t hard to get Amen out of his clothes, for he picked things that morning that were easy to take off. But when Luke pushed him in the bathroom he became confused. “Okay, you picked the place,” Amen said before Luke pulled him down for a forceful kiss, and pushed him under the water. Amen groped for the temperature nozzle as he gasped at the cold and he pulled Luke to him. “Holy fuck!” he gasped. Amen tried to wrap him self around and into the only warmth that was available, Luke.
Something about the water always made Luke calmer and his ‘primal instincts’ seemed to go to the way side. He pulled Amen as close to him as he could, while at the same time pushing the other man’s back up against the wall. The water ran between the two bodies like a cool sweat, dropping Luke’s hair somewhat into his face. Still, he kept Amen right up against his body, his hips pushing against Amen’s in a steady tempo. With that he slowly moved one hand down and used the water to work two fingers into Amen’s body. The DJ pulled Amen’s head down to his shoulder and worked his fingers in deeper, still his hips pressing against his lovers.
Luke loved the feel of Amen’s wet body. The cool water running down every contour of his frame, defining it more than Amen’s own boy could define itself. He had certainly become more muscular in rehab and even though that made Luke want to touch his lover more, it made him feel as if he too needed to work on his body, which he had never really done. But as he slowly pushed another finger into Amen, anything other than his lover and himself seemed to rinse out with the water.
Amen’s body was torn between pleasure and pain as it felt the heat of Luke’s body and the rush of cool water. His mind also swirled with the feeling of it all. This would be the first time in seven years that he had sex without a condom, but that wasn’t what scared him because he knew that they were both clean. What scared him was the feeling of everything. This was also the first time in seven years that he wouldn’t be high when the deed was done; he would be fully conscious and aware. He felt as if he were a virgin again, so when Luke inserted that third finger Amen tensed at the feeling, biting into the flesh that Luke had offered him. It’s your Angel, he told himself as he relaxed, pushing back onto the digits. “Um please… Luke… Angel, make me yours… clam me… mark me…” Amen moaned into Luke’s ear as he arched his back away from the cold tile. He effectively pressed their chests together and pushed back even more on the fingers, as he spread his legs. 
It wasn’t just the cool water then that sent chills down Luke’s spine as he felt Amen bite into his shoulder, it made the DJ clutch tighter to his lover. Then with Amen’s pleading moan in his ear Luke couldn’t contain his own moan, thrusting his fingers in deeper before pulling them out completely.
Luke didn’t quite understand Amen’s plea, but he knew that of he held out any longer, even with the calming sensation of the water, he wouldn’t be so gentle. So with Amen’s opening wide Luke pushed himself in. He pulled Amen against him as if to fuse their bodies together, all the while thrusting his hips hard against his lovers body, which in turn pushed him in deeper.
“You are mine,” he said in a low whisper before sucking on his lover’s neck, to the point of leaving a strong mark.
The water ran over both bodies and to Luke, it felt perfect. His body was so hot and the water made everything between him and Amen feel all the more heated. Moving away slowly from Amen’s neck, Luke let the water run over his lips before gently biting on Amen’s ear.
All Amen could do was whimper and moan at the in and out motions Luke made; first with his fingers then with his body. Amen could feel the hicky that Luke had given him, but it wasn’t the mark that Amen wanted. This one was more mental and emotional then physical. “Mmn.. Luke I want you deeper please… Harder…”. He hitched his leg up higher on Luke’s hip to try and give Luke more room but it just wasn’t helping.
Luke forced his body hard against Amen’s, pushing himself harder and deeper than he had before just as Amen wanted. He couldn’t lift Amen up, his lover was heavier than him, but with just the right movement and pulling Amen down just slightly, he could drive himself deeper.
“I missed you…” the DJ said quietly as his body began to reach its limit.
Amen’s pants came with every thrust from Luke. All he could do was to just kiss his angel up and down his shoulder and neck. He loved the taste of Luke’s sweaty skin mixed with the water cascading down over them. “So did I angel… so did I.” Amen replied to the idea of missing each other. He leaned his head back and grabbed at Luke’s back as he felt his body tensing all over. “Oh God. I love you Luke!” Amen said as his body finally gave up on the fight, and let lose.
There wasn’t any real way to tell that either man had finished, but Luke knew that they both had. Hot and exhausted, Luke dropped his head onto Amen’s shoulder just before muttering, “I love you too Denzel…” Luke didn’t even realize what he had said, to him, his mouth had said exactly what he wanted it to. So as he leaned in to turn the water up slightly and went to clean himself off, he didn’t even think to look up at Amen’s face.
After everything that had happened while his lover was gone, Luke couldn’t help but think of that person. Bringing up old times could never be good.
Amen felt Luke release and loved the feel of it. It almost gave him the energy to feel it again, almost. ...Denzel…? “Who the FUCK is DENZEL?” Amen asked angrily. This was his greatest fear. He had been gone three months… not even three months, And Luke had found someone else to keep the bed warm with. It’s not who you go home with, it’s who you go home to… Oh the hell with that. Luke’s MINE!!! his mind screamed as he pushed Luke away and got out of the shower. He grabbed one towel and threw it around his waist and grabbed the only other one for his hair and stormed out of the bathroom.
As soon as he heard Amen shout that name, Luke stopped dead, he didn’t even attempt to follow after Amen. It was all because of Abigail, if he hadn’t have gone to see her, none of this would have happened.
After hearing the message on his phone, Luke had to think. If Denzel was there, Luke couldn’t find it in him to see that man again. He would be twenty-six by now, which meant that Abby would be twenty-nine. Luke felt he was getting old. Nonetheless, Luke quickly stopped the tables in his room and in his wife beater before he rushed out the door.
If Abigail was at the same apartment, that meant she was back closer to their old school, which was quite a ways from where Luke’s apartment was. Back when he was younger, and his parents still paid for the apartment, Luke had lived only a few blocks from Abigail and Denzel, but with everything that had happened and the need to be in the busy city, Luke moved to the heart of the city. Nonetheless, Luke knew his way there, he had passed it several times when he still hoped that Denzel had some sort of feeling for him, but that died off quickly.
There was a drastic change in scenery when the city gave way to a more suburban area. Schools burst up almost every other block and children walked casually about after their classes. Luke could remember being like them and then he remembered how miserable his high school years had been. He still pushed on, until he reached the place his last school had been. He was almost pleased to see that it was now an apartment complex with the exact same name. His past wouldn’t be bothering him in the physical form, at least not that building anyway. Abigail and Denzel’s apartment was only two blocks up from that complex, and Luke’s old building was just two up from that.
Upon reaching that old apartment, Luke realized that he was shaking. He reached for the door bell, his hand trembling furiously. Would Denzel be there? Would he answer the door? What would he say if those cruel eyes stood staring at him? Would Denzel be the same person? Just as he hit the bell the door flew open and Luke almost had a heart attack. He panted excitedly with his back against the door across the hall and his hand pressed against his chest. There stood that fiery black haired beauty that was Abigail; Luke was pleased to see that she hadn’t changed at all.
“Abigail?!” Luke exclaimed after catching his breath and immediately Abigail looked up from the bag she had been rummaging through and a bright smile beamed from her face.
The shorter girl was so excited; she dropped her bag right there and took Luke with a running hug. Luke could see she was happy, she was even crying. “Oh Luke!” she exclaimed. “Luke! Luke! It really is you! I’m so glad to see you! I’ve missed you so much! Oh Luke!”
Luke held Abigail tightly in his arms and even he started to cry. At least it hadn’t been Denzel, he was so happy to have Abigail greeting him. “I missed you too Abby,” he replied, though his voice was rather shaky. “God, it’s been forever.”
After their happy meeting in the hall way, Abigail invited Luke in and they sat down at the table in their tiny kitchen. Luke looked all around and realized that nothing had changed. Everything from the furniture to the pictures on the wall, it was all exactly how Luke remembered it. With everything as it was, Luke wondered if Denzel had changed at all. All of it sort of scared him and he shifted uncomfortable in his chair.
“So…” he said, rather nervously, “how’s Denzel doing?”
There was silence then while Abigail fixed herself a cup of tea. She looked out the window and Luke knew that Denzel was the last thing she wanted to talk about and the first thing she expected him to say. He couldn’t help it, that man was his past and he had to know.
Finally Abigail shifted from the window and sat just to Luke’s right at the table. “I don’t know,” she said quietly. “I haven’t heard from him in about two years.”
That was just like Denzel to up and leave. However, Luke never expected him to up and disappear for that long. He almost felt worried, but knew better than to worry for his almost-murderer. The scar in his chest seemed to sting then, and Luke grabbed inconspicuously at his chest while Abby talked.
“Do you still have the scar, Luke?” the older Asian women questioned as she put a gentle hand on Luke’s shoulder. “Or do you not want to talk about it?”
All Luke did was nod. Amen was teaching him to get over the scar, more mentally than physically, but it was still a hard subject. In this apartment, with Abigail there, talking about Denzel, it just hit too many sore spots. So, Abigail tried to go on.
“You’ve changed so much Luke,” she said with a smile. “I can’t believe how handsome you look. Are you still gay, or could I possibly get a date this time around?”
Now that was something that took Luke’s mind off Denzel and put all his thoughts on Amen. He smiled gently as he looked down at the table. “Sorry Abby,” he said as he finally turned to her, “but I’m still gay. I’m actually seeing someone now.”
The disappointment in Abigail’s face was more a pleasant one, as if she wanted Luke to like her, but at the same time it made her happy to know he had found someone.
“Well,” she said as she, “I hope I get to meet him sometime. It sure did take you long enough.”
There was a long pause as Luke rung his hands. It had been years since he had dated. Before Denzel there had been only an infatuation and after him there had been only one love and Luke was sure that was the end of any romance for him. Amen was his life and his passion, he didn’t need anyone else and wasn’t about to look for anyone either.
“Denzel wasn’t the easiest person to get over…” Luke finally replied, his head tilted down towards his hands. “Something like that takes a long time to recover from.”
And he still hadn’t recovered, clearly. He certainly had a lot to explain to Amen. So, still naked and wet, Luke walked out after Amen, his head dropped like a sad puppy dog after doing something wrong.
“Amen…” he said quietly, “can we talk?”
Amen froze at the foot of the stairs. He wants to talk…? He wants to talk… Amen tried to calm himself down and turned to look at the pouting Luke. Taking the towel off his head he threw it at the smaller man. “You’re dripping all over my floor.” He said his words carefully, with meaning behind every word. He was grateful to Luke for putting him through rehab, but at the same time was severely pissed that Luke didn’t wait for him to get out. Not another word was said as he headed up the stairs and into the bedroom to find some clothes that still fit.
Luke took the towel and wrapped it around his waist. Clearly Amen didn’t know who Luke was talking about and the DJ knew he would have to set things straight. After following Amen up the stairs Luke stood a good distance from his lover, actually afraid Amen would hit him again.
“I wasn’t with anyone else Amen,” he said quietly. “Not like that, and I never would do that. Denzel he…” Luke paused and his chest began to throb with the thought of where that had come from. He looked down and touched the mark as if it would rip open if he touched it too hard. “Denzel’s the one that… gave me this scar.”
Amen took a deep breath and counted to ten when Luke followed him up the stairs. When Luke paused so did he. …he’s lying… a voice inside his head whispered, he refused to listen to it. “You said you loved him.” Amen said softly looking at the shirt he clutched. “Luke you said you loved him… How could you say that about some one who did that to you…?” His grip tightened and his legs gave from under him pulling the shirt off the hanger and over him as he leaned on the closet door frame. “How…?” he kept repeating. He didn’t know if the wet he felt was from his eyes or the water left in his hair.
“Amen,” he said again, is if praying to his lover, “he was the first guy that I was ever…” the DJ had to search for the right words, “with… sexually… I didn’t… know any better.”
Luke moved slowly over to the bed and sat down on the corner before dropping his face into his hands. “I guess it was just seeing Abby again… it made me think about him.” Again Luke said something that really didn’t explain things, but he was struggling over this as much as Amen was. “This isn’t just a physical scar, you know that.”
There was so much more to the story, but Luke was worried to go beyond that. When Abby had asked about the scar he couldn’t talk about it, how could he possibly say anything to Amen?
Amen stiffened at the new name. He had never asked Luke’s sexual preference and with the mention of a first guy, his anger was renewed. He pulled the shirt off his head and closed himself in the closet. He couldn’t talk to Luke right now. He was scared that one he would hurt him, not only physically but mentally as well. He knew that he could be cruel and he didn’t want to do that to Luke.
Clearly Luke had dug a deeper hole for himself. With a heavy sigh Luke stood up and went to the closet door. “Amen please,” he said as he tapped lightly on the door. “Why wont you talk to me?” He paused and leaned slightly on the door. “After everything that’s happened do you honestly think I would leave you for someone else?” Again a pause, this time he hit on the door a little harder than he had the first time. “Amen please! I have to talk to you and I can’t do it if you’re in the closet!”
This was frustrating. Luke hadn’t had Amen home for three months and now he was hiding away in a closet. He couldn’t possibly make Amen understand unless he went into a deep and complicated story that was almost as hurtful as the wound had been. In irritation more than anything else Luke slammed his fist hard against the door with a half grunt shout before sitting back down on the bed.
Amen jumped when Luke slammed on the door. He only listened as he got dressed in the spacious walk in. Finally ready he heaved a deep breath before walking back out. Finding Luke on the bed, Amen couldn’t help himself, and stood between Luke’s legs and pushed him back on the bed then pinned him there. “You wanna know why I’m angry, Luke? I’m possessive that’s why. If your thoughts are with the man who did this to you, then go back to him.” Amen said dragging a finger down the scar. “If I can’t have you completely then I don’t want you.” He looked Luke hard in the eyes before finally backing off and going down stairs to gather his cell phone, keys and wallet before walking out of the apartment.
As Amen ran his finger down Luke’s scar the DJ froze. He could see the coldness in Amen’s eyes and it almost scared the smaller man. It hurt even more when his own lover said that he didn’t want him. He couldn’t follow after Amen then, all he could do was drop his head back into his hands and cry. He didn’t want it to be like that, he wanted to let Amen know everything, maybe then things would be better. He couldn’t talk to Amen now, not after what he had said, so he went and got dressed and afterwards picked up his phone.
“Hey Abby…” he said, still crying, “do you mind if… I come over?”
Amen knew he had been gone a few hours. What he didn’t know is if Luke would be there or not when he returned to the apartment. He was still angry but at least now he could and would actually listen to the younger man. He joggled the shopping bags in his hand s as he messed with the door to find the apartment dark and empty, except for the cat. “Hello, Casca. Is Luke home?” He asked the now full grown feline. She just rubbed against his leg, purring. “I take that as a no.” Amen looked around at the mess and decided that now was as good a time as ever.
He started with the bed room and just worked his way around the place. It took a good couple of extra hours but amen didn’t care. Luke still wasn’t home and Amen could think by him self. “I shouldn’t have said that…” Amen said as he plopped down n the couch when he finished mopping the floor. “I didn’t mean it…” He curled on his side and cried. He never fell asleep, but only dazed out replaying the scene in his head.
The DJ had found his way over to Abigail’s apartment shortly after the phone call, but no matter how hard he knocked on the door, it seemed like no one was there. But as the door opened Luke turned quickly, with a look of slight disappointment. “God Abby,” he began, “for a second there I thought you’d leave me out in the hall way.”
He was so excited to meet up with Abigail again that it took him a moment to realize that the feet he was looking at weren’t hers, but belonged to a male figure. In utter terror, Luke looked up quickly and found himself starring into the eyes of Denzel. Those cold, black pools stared back impassively as Luke’s heart almost beat out of his chest.
“What do you want?” the man questioned as he leaned slightly towards Luke. “Abigail’s not here right now.”
Luke was trying his best to form words, but all that he could do was think back to that night, which caused his scar to sting. His body was shaking and all he could do was stare for what seemed like hours. However, Luke tried to collect himself and reply.
“Oh…” he muttered as he tilted his head towards the floor, “sorry… s-she said she… would be here.” With that he turned away from the apartment, and Denzel. “I’m sorry I bothered you.”
The DJ hoped that Denzel wouldn’t recognize him. As he began to walk away, he kept his eyes and face tilted away from Denzel, thinking that the other man wouldn’t have had enough of a chance to put the past and the present together. However, when Denzel called after him with, “Would you like to wait for her to come back Luke? I’m sure she’ll be back shortly.”
Denzel had recognized him and hearing that monster say his name as calmly as he did made Luke sick to his stomach. He could see that night, or what he remembered of it, playing back in his head and he had to stop only a few feet from his would-be murderer. “That’s okay,” he said, trying his best not to throw up as he spoke. “I’ll just call her later, thanks.”
So Luke walked away as evenly as possible, until he was sure he was out of Denzel’s sight, and then he rushed for the nearest waste basket and vomited forcefully. It felt as if that scar would end up opening and spilling out all his insides onto the ground. Once he had finished, the DJ dropped to the ground, about to faint. “Just die…” he muttered to himself, “just die… just die.”
It took hours for Luke to actually make his way back to the apartment. He didn’t even bother with seeing Abigail at that point and only sent her a text that he had run into Denzel and there was no response. Tired and upset from a nightmare of a day, Luke stumbled into the apartment. He hardly even noticed that Amen was on the couch and he didn’t even really care. Now with both what Amen had said and seeing Denzel Luke felt like he was going to pass out before hitting the bed. When he did find the bed he fell onto it in exhaustion.
Amen heard the door open and close but didn’t acknowledge the man that entered until he heard a grown from the bedroom. “Luke?” He said getting up. When he heard no response he walked up the stairs and stopped in the arch way. Knocking on the wall he hopped for a response. “Luke, do you still wanna talk?” All the anger had flushed it’s way out of his system and had yet to show. “Luke…” Amen crossed his arms and held them tight against his chest. “I’m Sorry… What I said… Luke I do… Luke I love you I really do… But if I can’t have you, I’m not gonna fight for you.” He looked at the floor not even looking to see if Luke was awake or not but he had to say it. “I’ve been treated like trash to just through away too many times. I can’t take it anymore. If you have someone else just tell me, and I’ll gracefully take my leave, but Luke… I’ll always want you.” Amen turned to leave. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”
But as Luke heard that Amen would possibly think that his lover would be with someone else his body hurt. So angered he clutched tightly to the sheets before he heard that Amen was about to go back down to the couch. Right now, the last thing Luke wanted was to be alone. With all his energy, the DJ stood up and grabbed Amen around the waist.
“Damn it Amen,” he said quietly, his body shaking. “There is no one else! I don’t want to go back to Denzel… I…” He chocked on the name and the thought of seeing that evil creature again came through his mind like a dagger. “I could never be with someone else… especially a man I’m… I’m so terrified of.”
Amen felt the arms around his waist and the shaking body at his back. “Angel… Do I scare you?” was all that Amen could think to say in response. He needed a reason why Luke had called him Denzel. Whether it was just a mistake and Luke mind was somewhere else, or … whatever it was he needed to put his mind at rest about it. “Why did you say Denzel earlier. I just need to know.” Amen turned in Luke’s grasp to hold him back. It felt weird as Amen held Luke’s head down to his chest, because with him down a step they were the same height. He tried to fill his face with warmth and kindness instead of the ice sickles that were there earlier. “Luke I need an answer.”
That one person had consumed Luke as soon as he had met up with Abby again. “I don’t love him Amen…” said the DJ, his body starting to shake even more, “and you don’t scare me.” He clung tighter to Amen, his body shaking in the mere thought of Denzel’s name. “I just… while you were gone I… I talked with his sister, we were good friends… He’s just always in my head… I can’t stop thinking about him and seeing his sister, talking about him… his name just slipped out.”
Amen kissed the side of Luke’s head and face, as he started to put the pieces together. He knew he would never finish the puzzle but he was bound to try to make out the picture. “Then I’ll never let you go. I’ll protect you,” Amen whispered in Luke’s ear trying to soothe the man. He steered Luke back to the bed and sat him down on the edge, kneeling in front of him. “I love you Luke… You just have to tell me when something’s on your mind, okay? I don’t want any more surprises like that. I don’t think either of us can take it, okay?” Amen cupped Luke’s face in his hands and kissed him lightly on the lips before pulling away and just waiting. He didn’t know what for but he just waited.
Luke looked at Amen only momentarily before the image of Denzel came into his head. The DJ shut his eyes tight as tears began to roll down his face. “I saw him Amen…” he said quietly, his fists clenching tightly. “I saw… Denzel…” His whole body shook more violently than it had before and when he finally looked back at Amen there was a look of utter terror in his blue eyes. “He was there… I saw him…” he suspended his speech just as he felt as if he would vomit again, but didn’t. “He tried to kill me before… I’m afraid of what he’ll do this time…” In his panicked state, Luke flopped over Amen, hugging the taller man close to him. “I love you Amen, and I could never go back to him… never. Please don’t say that again…”
Attempted murder, then rape… Amen promised to him self and god that he would never become an attempted anything to Luke… Besides lover and … he couldn’t think of what. He held Luke close and just rubbed his back and hair. “I won’t I promise. I promise you Luke. I’ll protect you. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He sat Luke back on the bed and pried Luke’s arms from around his neck and kissed him. “Change and get in bed. I’ll do the same, and I’ll hold you while we fall asleep. That’s all I can offer you right now. I can’t heal your wounds but I can help you sooth them. Angel I love you. You helped me, now let me help you.” When Amen finished changing, he got under the covers and patted the bed next to him for Luke to get in.
The DJ took slightly longer to change. He just had so much on his mind that he forgot what he was doing momentarily. When he was finally changed he took the side of the bed that Amen had hinted towards. Luke lay there quietly, his body still shaking, though slightly less than he had before. The smaller man moved in close to Amen and tried his best to close his eyes. “Please don’t ever leave me…” he said quietly.