[Tyr Zalo Hawk]: 712.Stories.I'mKidding.Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Nostradamus Didn't Predict THIS.

Walking along the riverbank outside the currently nameless city where Ghit and possy lived, Ghit, Jez, God, and two other members of 'THE' discussed what had happened earier that day.
"So wait..." Jez said, trying to sort it all out in her head. "Anna Nuther... and another Anna Nuther?" The concept made her skin crawl. Not many things scared Jez (in fact, scientists have only found 3 things that do: Possessed clowns, Extremely small spaces, and Narwhals.) but two Anna Nuthers was good enough for a nervous shiver.
"Anna Nuther an' another Anna Nuther?" God repeated, seriously making everyone doubt that he hadn't simply said the name three times. "That's messed up."
"Ya, it is." Ghit replied, motioning towards the sky in exasperation. "Little demon came in right when I was about take her down a few notches, said she was a clone that her aunt and uncle had made for her. God I hate her."
"Am talk to?" Ko asked from a few feet to the left of Ghit. Ko was, quite possibly, the product of everything right with humanity, after it'd gotten into a fight with everything that was wrong with humanity.
He was tall, but not tall enough to truly be 'tall.' and not yet short enough to be picked on by the taller kids. Slim, athletic, strong as hell, but could only be one at a time. (Don't ask. Things like this are best meant to be left alone by mortals, and my readers.) Not a genius by any standards, but intelligent to get by, so long as he showed effort.
Ko was, quite literally, the average as far as humans went, and he changed everyday according to what the averages said. (This one you MAY ask about, but I'm only going to answer it in Chapter 7.)
Out of this insane averagosity (Take THAT Webster) though, Ko had developed something that no one else could do efficiently. He talked solely in 4th person. (While I'd love to explain what 4th person is, I can't really do it. The closest I can come to it is to say that 4th person uses absolutely no nouns of any kind, and always uses the first person present tense of any verb.)
(And it's always in the form of a question. It gets insanely hard to tell what Ko is talking about later on, but I'll do translations from this point onward)
"The one up there." Ghit said with a casual motion of his head upwards. "Don't know why you'd ask that." (It must also be noted that ghit is one of the few people who can understand the 4th person. He can't speak it, but he can understand it...)
Jez, God, and Link were all horribly confused by this, but did their best not to appear so.
"Ahh... see?" Ko replied with a nod of his head.
Link had to start talking now, before it got too out of hand. "So what? We'll just deal with this like we always do right?" Link was one of those kind of guys. You know, the type that thinks things will turn out alright despite all evidence that they won't. It can't be helped though, his mother hypnotized him when he was young into thinking he was an NPC in life, and he's never broken out of it.
(To those of you unfamiliar with NPC's, it stands for 'Non Playable Character'. NPC's generally just help out the main characters, repeat phrases over and over, and never give discounts, even though they know you're trying to save the entire world. (I hope, in the end, they died horribly...))
(and I know you'll all join me in that.)
He is, thankfully, at least a very interesting NPC, just so long as him mom remembers to update him every morning with a new profession.
Today, he was a baker. A wonderful baker who was 6'3" tall and loved cats, which was unfortunate since Link was 4'6" and was alergic to cats, but it had worked out so far. "So, who's up for cookies? My treat."
"Not really." Ghit interjected, before the others could make any snide comments about Link's inability to cook, since he knew they would. It was Ghit's job to keep the peace between Link and the others. Not because Link would argue, he didn't much know how to on most days, but because it was sad to watch little Link be unable to defend himself from the others.
It was rather like watching a deaf, blind puppy running towards a steamroller. You could only laugh at how cute it was so long before you realized that something needed to be done about it.
The others sighed a bit, their fun once again being ruined, even Ko, who sighed in the fourth person as well, which made it sound incredibly weird.
They continued on walking for a little while in silence, no one wuite sure what to say with Ghit in the mood he was in. The background noise even turned it's volume down a bit, as if in respect for the Hero of the story, even if they didn't know he was the hero at the time.
"Jeez, the way you guys are acting..." a familiarily evil voice cut into the silence, much like knives cut through butter... if butter were puppies. "Like the whole world just collapsed." Ghit closed his eyes tightly and tried to imagine the voice away.
Things like that never seemed to work properly for Ghit. Reality always got in the way.
It was Anna and her clone, standing off to the side near the river bank, looking up at the group with cocky grins. Jez rushed to Ghit's side and grabbed his arm, challenging the only other girl who'd ever shown interest in Ghit to try her worst..
The others all gathered similarly around their leader and glared at Anna, even Link, who was constantly programmed with a dislike for the girl. (It must be noted though that Link's idea of 'not liking' someone varied from day to day. It was simply lucky that, on this day, it was the same as everyone else's definition)
Ghit sighed deeply and turned to Anna, vastly more prpared for her than he had been earlier in the day. "Hey Anna, you and your hellspawn come back to see if you could best me a second time? Because I guarantee you can't."
Both Anna's looked up at him with one of those looks that just screamed 'Ya, right' (You know the ones. And, if you don't, you need to get with the program!) and said in perfect unison. "You're the ones who've come to us."
"Tch..." Jez started, ready to leap on Anna like a lion leaps on an injured Zebra. Before she could, a black hand landed on her shoulder, and God shook his head. This was between Ghit and Anna.
(Well, in truth it was between BOTH Annas and Ghit... but that gets so tiring to say.)
Dust should've been picked up in the wind, the town shouldve been quiet, cowboy outfits could've been added for dramatic effect... but the local tumbleweed at least knew enough about it's job to show up on time.
The girls walked up the sloped grass towards the group, who all backed away, except for their lone punk leader. They stood a grand total of three feet away, identically smiling with anticipation for their victory.
"I assume you know the rules." Ghit said to the clone, whom he'd learned to identify because it gave off the same aura as the real Anna. (Now, hold on. Before you start nagging, Anna's clone gives off the same aura as Anna. Whereas Anna does not give off the same aura as her clone, because Anna had it first. Understand? Good. NO MORE QUESTIONS!)
She nodded and smiled that fake sweet smile that made Ghit sick to his stomach on her. "Of course. Do you?"
Once again, Jez might've had dinner right on the spot if Ko and God hadn't held her back. "Yes. I do." Ghit replied with a short shake of his head. "You'd better teach her some manners, Anna. She doesn't respect that I'm the game master."
"Only for the moment." Anna replied without a thought about it. She had the advantage now, there were two of her and only one of him. Everyone knew what that would mean. (And anyone who tells you otherwise is a communist.)
The tension in the air would've killed lesser beings (and did, sadly). Both parties stood as still as if time had stood still and... and... (Oh dear sweet lord! Why the Anona Brothers?! They were only good Squirrel Mariachi band out there! Damn my imagination for dreaming up things that don't exist just so that they can die!)... and then (I'm better now.) it happened.
Ghit shot forward, the helpful Link throwing him the handle to his lightsaber. The dual black beams shot out of the ends and came up, colliding with the twin orange beams of the Annas' sabers.
(Before I got shot. George Lucas, or someone, totally own the rights to lightsabers. But... Anna invented one that works outside the movies. So deal with it.)
Their blades clashed in a flurry of blows, like neon halloween at a rave. There weren't any fancy flips, or moments when the fighting stopped just to show off a few cool swings, no, this was a fight, not Dancing With The Jedi.
It raged on for minutes, sped on for nearly hour, and then started to drag on for the next 45 minutes until the sound of two light beams retracting into their hilt came to the ears of the stunned group of onlookers.
The three combatants stood, facing each other, breathing heavily as the end result became a bit more apparent.
God, who was never really all tactful, blurted out. "That was tight..."
Night fell... and they all went home to rest for the new day. Rivalry had never been so sweet...