I follow very closely to what the lead singer of Fall Out Boy, Patrick Stump, does. It's not an obsession. It's not a serial killer kind of thing. It's not even really a fan-girl thing. Screw the other band members; I just want to know what Mr. Stump is doing.

I think Patrick Stump is the best looking of the group. I have a thing for the slightly-chubby red headed guys, as long as they are broad. But aside of that, he has a great smile. The rest of them are too... skinny. However, there is one very important trait that makes me leer after Patrick Stump, and that is...

His voice.

Some may think the lead singer of Panic! at the Disco has a good voice (whatever the hell his name is), but they are wrong. His voice is nice and smooth with just a bit of a treble to it, but where's the real emotion? It's just a bunch of notes off a page. That is obvious.

So, I follow closely to see what Mr. Stump has been up to; specifically, I don't care much of his personal life. I care more for his career and what songs he has sung in recently. He's probably got a girlfriend and is completely happy. Well break my damn heart. He's 21-22ish and I'm 17. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Doesn't mean I can't enjoy his voice and his development. From his first 'big' CD, that being Take This To Your Grave, his voice was still being formed. It was hesitant. It was weak. It was gorgeous.

Then, in FUCT, he was better. He sounded more like the guy from P!ATD, but with a more manly voice and less "I'm just doing this to impress you". His voice was strong, it was ready. It was beautiful.

Since FUCT, I have been in love with the band. I was for their first CD, but it wasn't the gut-wrenching emptiness in the pit of my stomach as it holed up into an electric ball of excitement that FUCT gave me.

Fall Out Boy is not my 'type' of band. I do enjoy punk rock and alternative, but the emo stuff and pop punk does not appeal. Okay, your mother died and your father left you. At least you didn't have to go through what Shasta did. Get over it.

The reason why I like Fall Out Boy so much is because OF Patrick Stump. I have a serious reaction to his action (that being, his voice). His progression over time has been amazing. His new songs he sings in... put simply, gives my ears an orgasm to listen to. Especially in "Don't Wake Me Up" with The Hush Sound.

I get goosebumps. I get shaky. I get breathless. This is a good voice. This is what makes the song. This is what I love so much. This is a song that can belong to any kind of music, it being rap, emo, hardcore, new age... whatever. It fits.

Should I ever be able to ask Mr. Stump face to face about how he feels about being a singer... I would feel so lucky. I don't need to marry him. I don't need to fuck him. I don't even need to touch him. A conversation would more than appease me. That, or a song called, 'Emily'. That isn't about heartbreak.

So there, you have my explanation. The first musical voice that could make me feel sick, make my knees water, and put that empty feeling in my stomach... and make me love it. Patrick Stump.

[Mitul] is my soulmate.

I'm sick. :(

I ache.

I need chocolate.

That is all.

Hmph. I remember being happy. Good times, those.

It's so rare now. Sex doesn't make me happy. Boys don't make me happy. I seem to be blowing through life with no regrets and no remorse. Fuck anything that moves and break any heart I can. Tear up lives and hope for the best.

I think I just want everyone to love me, but I don't want to return any of that love.

How much messed up can I get?

Intelligent, witty, quirky, beautiful, what have you. I abuse myself and myself likes it and then hates myself afterwards, and then I fight amongst myselves.

I want to go in one direction. Happy, carefree, no worries, good grades, a good boyfriend.

I want to go in another direction. Brutal, remorseless, a new boy every week, filling the pockets of curiosity and honestly answering myself, "Is he any good in bed?"

I feel one direction is for the lying good girl in me and the other is for the honest slut in me.

I don't know if I love him anymore...

But I do.

It's Good Emily versus Bad Emily again.

I want to go on a roller coaster ride...

But, first, burn me in the fires of my own confusion.

So tired of this "It's only good if you wrote it with a broken heart" crap... ugh. Emos! Everywhere! Write something happy!


HAPPY!

... HAPPY I SAY!

"You are not worthy of any of the seven depths of Hell."

Bruises covered the soft flesh of her body. Her skin wept tears of blood and tried to heal itself. The welts left on her back and neck had been red and burning hot.

That is how I remember her. Beaten, but still strong; dented, but still straight. Her eyes focused on nothing, clouds echoing in the depths of them in horrible memory. Mouth twitching to repress the cries, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration, trying to keep the past away from the present, fingers fidgeting with the button of her jeans, trying to stay out of imaginary trouble. Her feet planted firmly, holding up the rest of her structure in prideful arrogance.

Shivering like she was cold, whimpering at loud noises and raised voices. She was so far away from me. She would not break.

The map before me had been drawn on. Lines upon lines, curved and straight, thick and thin, they led to different places but came from the same location. Though I was miles away from her, I could still smell the salty tears on her face; taste them on the tip of my tongue, where I would lick them up from her neck. She would drown in her own sorrow if not for me.

She had done nothing wrong.

Who else spent 4th of July and the three days after it hurling into their toilet?

Didn't think so. Life sucks.

If you cut yourself, I DON'T CARE, don't go pushing it into my life!

... grr.

I got inspiration, now I just need motivation...


Love... hate... roar.

Nooow I get to do the fun thing and give excuses!

I've been first, extremely busy with school. It is testing time, and although I do not have to take the standardized tests this year or next, I have 'block hours' for school -- meaning I take about 2 hour long classes each day. And with all that, comes a -ton- of homework, busy work, and projects.

I've also been focusing on my car. The Jeep I'm driving is having a few problems, and my insurance is acting funny. And lately, I've been having some allergic reactions to -something-, but we don't know what, yet. I have to go to the doctor's to find out!

Add that with some personal stress of life with boys, friends, and overall ... stuff... let's just say we have a very busy Emily who wishes she could magically make more time!

I should be returning more regularly over the next two weeks, and then I am being shipped off to my dad's on the 1st of April for about a week, for Spring Break. I think he has Internet, but I'm not sure... if he does, it's slow, so I won't be using it much.

Whew. Okay. I hope that explains somewhat of my absence...

Sin of Lust Results is now up. Congratulations to all contestants!!

My apologies for not being more active in WC... I will be soon, after I get my research paper half-done and once my life gets put together.

We are trying to work out cars and insurance and all before I'm really allowed to drive, since my mom's car isn't working. I can't be put on my father's insurance until I manage to get into Oklahoma. We are hoping that will happen in the first week of April instead of mid-June.

Oh well. Less chance for me to get in an accident if I just don't drive... wewt.

I scored an 89. He graded tough and I suck at right hand turns. :(

Okay, I kind of lied. Snow melted, sun is shining...

And I have a license. WEWT!

Thanks to snow I don't get my license.

I got a 91% on my written test! :D

Now just got to take the driver's test and my license is in the bag.

Meh.

WritersCo is not a dating service!

Post your stories! Post your poems!

Join the contests! Get into the forums! BE INVOLVED!

Much love, muah.

All right. After about 4 years of thinking, I believe I have finally come up with the type of tattoo I would like.

It will be a celtic tribal tattoo of a sun, and it will be placed on my inner left wrist. I know these aren't cut in half, but it is amazingly hard to find a sun tattoo design that's celtic and... not whole. But since I have to wait and keep thinking about it, I've got time to work something out.

Oh, and it's a little obsessive... but it's supposed to be a half-sun for sunset. You know... Fall Out Boy's, "Got a sunset in my veins." I just love that line for some reason...

"Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year" - Fall Out Boy,  Chorus and plus some.

"Are we growing up or just going down?
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out.
Take our tears and put 'em on ice,
'Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light.

There's a drug in the thermostat to warm the room up,
And there's another around to help us bend your trust,
Got a sunset in my veins!
And I need to take a pill to make this town feel okay."

And I MIGHT get another one on my inner right wrist, but we will see how that plays out.

I'd like to add color to it, though. Black's too boring. Perhaps blue fading to yellow? Hm. I tend to like those colors.


Anyway!

Bad [Hedda], BAD!!

NO breaking the world!

I did some reading for [Kuzco] and [SleepingDragon].

Have to get [Kaimee] all read up.

... sooo tired. But now I have an extra hour to my day :D.