Absolute Horror Winners

By [SleepingDragon]


How the judging was done...

0-20 points were giving in each of the following five catagories...

1. Word count: Stories had to be between 500 and 5000 words
2. Objective: The fear factor
3. Creativity: How creative I felt the story was
4. Grammar: Specific examples are given on what was marked down on
5. Spelling: Specific examples given on what was marked down on

The Winners

See breakdowns below

1st Place - 90 points

[*Amy*]: 271.The Unbelievable Dream
Winner gets the above badge and a critique of any piece of their writing up to 10,000 words

2nd Place - 89 points

[Kuzco]: 212.FTW.Horror story
2nd place receives the above badge

3rd place - 88 points

[Winkx] 330.The Wife
3rd place receives the above badge

The Breakdowns:

[*Amy*]: 271.The Unbelievable Dream

500-5000 words 20-20 pts

Check

Objective (fear factor) 17-20 pts

I think the only thing that took away from the fear factor of this was the fact that most of the action was told through the narration of one of the characters in a confession. That the guy was a true psychopath helped some. It really gives you the willies to think that some one could be that 'out there'

Creativity 20- 20 pts

Knowing this was loosly based on your own living situation in terms of people and setting...The rest is a real 'twisted' stretch on reality. You took common everyday objects around the house and utilized them very efficiently and horrifically. Great job!

Grammar 13-20 pts

Some samples of things I found...

"He often got pages in the middle of the night. So she didn’t worry about it too much." <- needs to be one sentence with a comma. Four instances of this type of thing.

'Wait a minute, there is no banging." <- needs to be two sentences

" “Oh my god! Holy Shit! Fuck! No!” She continued only for another moment before she hurled all over the pavement." <- the word only makes the sentence odd.

She yelled something like what the fuck do you think you’re doing you fucking psychopath! <- missing quotes

Spelling 20-20 pts

Nice Job!

Final score 90-100 points



[Kuzco]: 212.FTW.Horror story

500-5000 words 20-20 pts

Check

Objective (fear factor) 20-20 pts

Ok, I'd go off the scale if I could here, but I can't. The suspense was great throughout and oh the things the guy did to them! This was some scary stuff! Truly horrifying. Way to go!

Creativity 20- 20 pts

Again, I'd go off the scale if I could. While an old house isn't original, the story definately was and the gruesome ways in which the boys were tortured were definately over the top in terms of creativity. Right on man!

Grammar 13-20 pts

Some things I found...

" Nick and Steven could always feel it in the air. The presence of death, of evil, of the enemy." <- should be one sentence with a comma or semicolon

", in every insect who buzzed around, " <- that not who

"Oh shit, OH MY GOD IT HURTS! " <- needs to be two sentences

But he was so scared of getting near of that dark his legs paralysed on him. <-sentence confusing. The word 'of' needs to go (2nd one)

". Nick took care of Steven’s wounds and then lied down on the same table, only in opposite positions. His head next to Steven’s feet which had his head next to Nick’s feet. " <- should be one sentence and simplified

"Nick tapped his hip and Steven met his hands in an handshake." <- 'a' not 'an'

"It was then he asked himself about the knife he had in his hidden pocket, had he found it? "<- needs to be two sentences

Spelling 16-20 pts

Wan’na check it out <-wanna

Alright <- All right

"What it basically does is make you feel the pain twice it’s real valour but instead of dying from it, you collapse and fall asleep forgetting everything due to shock. " <- wrong its

contently<- contentedly

Final score 89-100



[Winkx] 330.The Wife

500-5000 words 20-20 pts

Check

Objective (fear factor) 15-20 pts

I think the story's short length worked against it a little in terms of fear factor. It had good suspense and good urgency in the beginning but it needed more of a climax somehow...and it needed something truly horrifying. The bloody stairs was a very good and vivid scene. I think what it may have lacked fear-wise was an understanding of the villain.

Creativity 18- 20 pts

Classic chase scene with some twists. It works very well and the flow is nice. The hiding in the closet of clothes...a little cliche maybe. All in all very creative, especially the ending.



Grammar 16-20 pts

“Do I not give you enough!?" <- use either ? or !, not both 2 instances

"I look away with tears in my eyes. I had to get away. I had to! "<- tense issue here

"He says to his self" <-himself

Spelling 19-20 pts

. I’ll give you you’re punishment later. <- wrong your

Final Score 88-100 points