As part of our attempt at achieving some semblance of journalistic legitimacy, we at WC Monthly are pleased to bring to you a series of features as our own staff interviews WritersCo's populous, one unlucky victim at a time! What's more, through the magic of ridiculositism, each interviewee will display a certain trait chosen from a small selection for your entertainment.
Interviewee: [
Veltzeh]
Interviewer: [
Mister Saint]
Quirk: [
Veltzeh] will be playing the part of itself with a logic complex
Mr. Saint: Thanks for sitting down with us today, Veltzeh, and for not knocking my forty over on the way in. Do you have any opening remarks you'd like to make concerning... anything?
[
Veltzeh]: Well, "anything" is certainly one big topic to pick for an opening remark. I'd have to say that anything can be defined by one's way of perceiving it and is very much limited by physiology and, in the case of humans, the kind of knowledge that is stored in the brain, which is influenced greatly by other humans.
Mr. Saint: As opposed to knowledge that is stored in other body parts?
[
Veltzeh]: Other body parts don't store knowledge, or at least the kind of knowledge I was talking about. Surely all our cells have the DNA and some information in it, but that's not learned knowledge. And the kind of knowledge the brain stores is learned. However, of course I can't be entirely sure (but it's not like anyone else can, either). I acknowledge my faults!
Mr. Saint: I saw some DNA in a cell once, when I did a stretch for... uh... nevermind. So getting back to this brain thing... how do you suppose this device might be employed for the good of humanity?
[
Veltzeh]: So now I should know what is "the good of humanity"? How could anyone know such a thing? What is "good" or "humanity" anyway? Even if I could define humanity as the whole population of humans, I'm afraid nothing can really be for the "good" of all of them. Utilizing the brain has various results depending on the person and what it is used for. I can't say I have any clue how the brain should be used.
Mr. Saint: That's fast becoming obvious! Well, we can all agree that having plenty of food is good for humanity, providing that humanity is defined as the combined populations of humans and manatees. Should the brain then be used for food?
[
Veltzeh]: Even though it's common to be friends with manatees when drunk, maybe you shouldn't go there. Either way, food may or may not be for the "good" of "humanity". Food takes space and resources to grow that could've been used for something "better". Some people get too little or too much food. I doubt that's considered "good". As for utilizing brains as food – same thing, it might be better not to eat it, or the other way around.
Mr. Saint: You're probably right. There just aren't enough brains to go around in this day and age. Unfortunately I hear my forty starting to run low, so we'll have to wrap this interview up. Do you have any closing remarks to make? Or unmake?
[
Veltzeh]: Let's see. Gender and religion are unfair and dysfunctional oppression systems that would be better off eradicated. I appeal to everyone to renounce religion and gender! Poetry is overrated. I like writing and command you to go read some at
39.
Mr. Saint: Alright! Thanks for stopping in with us and sharing your thoughts as well as your shameless plug. Bless shameless plugs! May they serve you well evermore!
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