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Much love, muah.

All right. After about 4 years of thinking, I believe I have finally come up with the type of tattoo I would like.

It will be a celtic tribal tattoo of a sun, and it will be placed on my inner left wrist. I know these aren't cut in half, but it is amazingly hard to find a sun tattoo design that's celtic and... not whole. But since I have to wait and keep thinking about it, I've got time to work something out.

Oh, and it's a little obsessive... but it's supposed to be a half-sun for sunset. You know... Fall Out Boy's, "Got a sunset in my veins." I just love that line for some reason...

"Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year" - Fall Out Boy,  Chorus and plus some.

"Are we growing up or just going down?
It's just a matter of time until we're all found out.
Take our tears and put 'em on ice,
'Cause I swear I'd burn this city down to show you the light.

There's a drug in the thermostat to warm the room up,
And there's another around to help us bend your trust,
Got a sunset in my veins!
And I need to take a pill to make this town feel okay."

And I MIGHT get another one on my inner right wrist, but we will see how that plays out.

I'd like to add color to it, though. Black's too boring. Perhaps blue fading to yellow? Hm. I tend to like those colors.


Anyway!

Bad [Hedda], BAD!!

NO breaking the world!

I did some reading for [Kuzco] and [SleepingDragon].

Have to get [Kaimee] all read up.

... sooo tired. But now I have an extra hour to my day :D.

"Cowards die many times before their deaths."

Meh. I called him to break up with him, he comes to my house and ends up hugging and kissing me, then he leaves and doesn't bother calling. So I snap and call him and basically give him a rant message asking who he's screwing on the side and why he will NEVER call me if he loves me so much. Sorry I'm not good enough for Mr. Bigshot, LET'S-ALL-GET-HIGH Ryan!

Fickle jerkoff.

Okay, I've made a lot of promises this past week or so to read some stuff and comment... first on my list is [Kaimee] for winning my 100 words contest.

As for everyone else, if you could please leave a blog entry, I would appreciate that. I get far too many messages a day to be able to keep up with who's who and what's what -- I can easily just read a blog entry and say 'Oh, I have to do that!' and hop to it. Also in these blog entries, feel free to mention which stories you want read or which you don't, along with any additional information you wish for me to keep in mind.

I don't plan on having a very busy weekend, so I should be able to get around to everyone in due time.

Thanks!

Sin of Lust has launched and I encourage ya'll to join and also to read what the so-far contestants have written.

Right now we've got:

1. [fanfic_addict04] - 295.ContestEntry
2. [SleepingDragon] - 268.Erotica.Heavy Metal Love

Both have been fantastic so far. I can't wait to read what others have in mind. :D

Make sure to visit Free to Write and join in some other contests!

Feeling pretty frustrated lately. Ryan went off to Canada... I can understand him not calling me since he costs his mother about 1 grand every month (plus she's paying for his college, college tuition, and tons of other stuff), but when I call him that's on -my- tab, not his. And he gets free minutes to Canada, Mexico, and anywhere in the States after 9 and on weekends.

WHY WON'T THE S.O.B. CALL ME? I've called him at least 4 times this weekend, just trying to tell him that I got my cell phone back and we're working on the license (but failing).

If he got drunk, high, or looked/thought about sexually/had sex with any other girl he's out. Again.

I can't take it if he doesn't love me enough to even want to talk to me for ten minutes each day. If he'd rather be getting high with his friends, fine, but don't put it on MY stress meter. I'm not going to date a stoner.

Man. When we first started dating he was 100% clean. No drugs, whatsoever, no alcohol, no need for that stuff. And now it's 'Getting high makes me happy.' Well, GOOD FOR YOU, RYAN. I guess I should just end it now. I don't even know when he's telling me the truth anymore.

I'll have to get my stuff from his place, though. That's gonna be a bitch.

So I got my phone hooked up but I forgot to get the Internet hooked to it too. I'll have to call Sprint back up in the morning.

The HotSync is not working with it, either. It's either my computer and my non-computer abilities or the charger. My guess it's my computer, and that I did not get to install all the components before my computer's CD-ROM crapped out.

But, once I get Internet on the phone I will be able to connect to HotSync via the Sprint way. Woot.

I'll have to have Ryan take a look at it, even if he is making me feel so unloved...

And the cell phone has arrived -does a little dance.-

It's really cool and sleek, but I can't seem to make any calls even though it's supposed to be registered to me... Been on hold with Sprint for a long time now... my neck hurts @.@.

-Infinitely plays with new, confusing cell phone.-

Wewt Samsung i330... too bad you signed up with Sprint 'cause this is an awesome phone!

I have just added my own contest to Free to Write, called Sin of Lust. [Kuzco] is currently holding a contest titled Revenge, and [Aeolynn] is holding one called Picture Perfect.

Aside of all that, I have added What is 'HDP'? for fellow FTW people to use as a guideline... please read the warning before fully reading the wiki page.

Since finals are over, I am freee... freeee I tell ye, freee!!

Also, check out the Contest forum!! Whoo! <joinforum:15:join> (WC Contests)

I lost my cell phone just before Christmas time, during break. It was a painfully old cell phone... having had it for 2 years or more. Having dropped it (but precious few times), there was a crack down the middle of it and the screen was starting to become dirty and scratched.

So then I lose it... do I get a new one? My dream phone is but 50 dollars away with a 35 dollar activation fee. ... well, that's just not good enough. So a month or so goes by and Dad finally decides that he will buy himself a new palm pilot and give me his old phone (which was nice until it came into his possession. He has a bad habit of dropping phones, too). Unhappy with this, I just keep my mouth shut.

Then, the other day, he calls up and says he got his palm pilot, but it was too big. He's sending it to me. He doesn't want it.

Well, what use would I have for a palm pilot? I reluctantly agree and he tells me to look it up online.

Samsung i330. One of the smallest palm pilots. There are a few glitches, but that's easily fixed with some hacks from a site. The Samsung i330 hooks up to your computer... though it doesn't play videos and it does not act as an mp3 player, it is used for what it needs to be used: phone and PDA. Smartphone.

It's a $349.00 phone... whyy did he buy a $349.00 phone?! All he jad to do was spent 85 dollars and all our problems could have been solved.

Men. Why are you so damn stubborn and stupid at times?

I found these guys while cruisin' on spin.com. I listened to their songs and I really like their style... this song, 'These Things' is undoubtedly my favorite. Their full-length CD, self titled She Wants Revenge comes out on January 31st and you be sure that I'll be gettin' it! :P

To listen to it, just go http://www.shewantsrevenge.com/player/index.html?gclid=CJrZtve_6YICFQIGSAodYiSo4A
there and um... click on 'These Things' and listen.

These Things, by She Wants Revenge (these lyrics are awesome and inspiring):

There's nothing to see here, people, keep moving on.
Slowly their necks turn, and then they're gone,
No one cares when the show is done.
Standing in line and it's cold and you want to go.
Remember a joke so you turn around
There's no one to listen, so you laugh by yourself.

I heard it's cold out, but her popsicle melts.
She's in the bathroom - she pleasures herself.
Says I'm a bad man. She's locking me out.
It's 'cause of these things.
It's 'cause of these things.
Let's make a fast plan. Watch it burn to the ground.
I try to whisper so no one figures it out.
I'm not a bad man, I'm just overwhelmed.
It's 'cause of these things.
It's 'cause of these things.

The crowd on the street walks slowly, don't mind the rain
Lovers hold hands to numb the pain
Gripping tightly to something that they'll never own
And those by themselves by choice or by some reward
No mistakes, only now you're bored
This is the time of your life but you just can't tell.

I heard it's cold out, but her popsicle melts.
She's in the bathroom - she pleasures herself.
Says I'm a bad man. She's locking me out.
It's 'cause of these things.
It's 'cause of these things.
Let's make a fast plan. Watch it burn to the ground.
I try to whisper so no one figures it out.
I'm not a bad man, I'm just overwhelmed.
It's 'cause of these things.
It's 'cause of these things.

I heard it's cold out, but her popsicle melts.
She's in the bathroom - she pleasures herself.
Says I'm a bad man. She's locking me out.
It's 'cause of these things.
It's 'cause of these things.

Since I have some time to spare...

I've started a new clear skin regimen for my... skin (obviously). I've had to deal with severe acne since I was about 12 or so. Very bad cysts, and large, painful pimples. It turned into pretty light/moderate acne around 8th grade and has sort of stayed that way since, and I have never experienced acne scars, but the acne still caused my self-esteem to drop like a dead man with cement feet dropped in a river. I still have some psychological effects of the acne (because let's face it, in 7th grade, only the uber losers had any acne, everyone else was still enjoying their childhood), but have been toughing it out.

I was put on birth control to control some of the worst of the breakouts, and it's proven to be helpful, but doesn't completely eliminate acne.

So this new skin clear regimen's been working pretty well so far. I am expecting my skin to get 'bad' soon enough, bringing out the stuff that's been hanging out under my skin for a while, but we'll see if that will happen. Otherwise, my skin's glowing from all the freaking BP... anyway, no new breakouts so far and some of the older scars are fading.

Not only has my self-esteem risen but I feel better actually going to school and going out in general (I go to a prep school. Everyone has dermatologists and perfect 100% clear skin ): ). I don't need to worry if people are staring at the acne or at me...

Ryan and I got back together, and I can't really discuss how or why, but I can eat and sleep and live normally again (as can he).

Finals are up this week so my participation in WC is gonna be limited to posts and messages and probably a 20 minute cruise every now and then. I'll probably stay logged in (as I usually do), but be AFK and doing other things (like... 'studying'). So if you don't get an answer out of me right away, that would be why.

I'll cruise around every now and then, though.

Well, Ryan and I talked online yesterday. I requested my stuff in a box left on my porch before I got home from school (though I didn't go to school), but he never showed up and I have not had the chance to talk to him again.

We did talk last night, though. Basically it was, "I don't understand why I did it. I can't understand it." WELL... I asked him if he wanted to talk our problems out. He didn't, he dumped me, and now he does. Go figure. Before he left it was, "Can we talk tomorrow?" ... yes, but only if you give me my stuff back. Half my wardrobe is at his dorm, among movies, games, and my GC system.

I guess we weren't that good of a match, but I miss him.

Katie took me to the mall to be nice. We had dinner at Olive Garden and then we went and saw Family Stone. It was pretty good, but I couldn't enjoy it as much as I wanted to. After that we went to try on dresses at Mariposa. I found one that I wanted very badly, and when Katie saw it, "Oh, what a beautiful prom dress." So much for a good self-esteem. Prom = date and I can't even hold on to a boyfriend.

Came home. Depressed, as usual. Tired, even though I was in bed till 2:30 in the afternoon. Ate some ice cream that I hated and ended up falling asleep. I woke up from a dream and spent about another hour vomitting.

I just feel so unhappy.

Welcome back Moorn!

Well, now all that aside... I'd like to just say... we really should all try and get along. When things get heated and we get mad, humans just don't communicate right, and nothing productive gets done.

For people who want to get involved, do so, but do so rationally.

If you have a problem with the administration, talk to someone you trust about it. I personally am always here to listen to people who might have a problem with a rule or a concern about someone's behaviour. Just because I have a mod badge on my house doesn't mean my ears are shut or my eyes are closed. I'm still a human, I still listen, and I will be as level-headed as I possibly can.

Sometimes... things just don't roll off the fingers right.

So let's all try and get along and not make anyone feel like a doo-doo head.

I'm having a really hard time boosting my energy. Ryan came over and refused to be hugged or kissed. He looked pale.

And then he dumped me.

Nearly 6 months together and suddenly, "You bore me, goodbye." I knew our relationship would not last that long, but the reasons why he dumped me... Because I'm 16, because I have no car, no job, because I was so in love with him. Because he didn't feel the same.

Well, SORR-EE for wasting your fucking time.

He had me -- ALL of me -- my time, a good fucking portion of my money, my virginity, my love, my happiness... and then I bore him. Then I am too selfish. Then I am too wrapped up in 'my' life... well, sweet baby, my life was yours too.

Makes me sound like I'll be 16 forever. Maybe I will, just to piss him off.

... I still want him back.

Heylo! I'm going to give out some mad props to Free to Write. A growing community that I hope some of you with more adult tastes will feel welcome to join! Hold contests, compete in them, or just lounge around and look at the advice pages. It is still in its growing stage, so it's a little mellow for the moment, but if we all get active in it, we'll make it something big :).

Current contests are:

Revenge - hosted by [Kuzco]
Unusual Creatures - Hosted by [Font]

Be sure to join and have some fun, eh?!