Verbal Combat HeddaTheComputer vs FontTheDustyBook

HeddaTheComputer attacks!

I spin up my harddisk and it makes a iiiiiiiiiing sound.

FontTheDustyBook counter-attacks!

I lay on my shelf.

H: My harddisk is starting to become very warm and so does I.

F: I lay on my shelf.

H: Bordom can't affect a computer! But heat can! I started to be so hot that the shelf started to burn!

F: The heat creates a wind that makes my dust fall down on the fire and the fire starts to cough.

H: The falling dust creates shortcuts in my CD-player and it openes and the laser cuts a hole in Font.

F: Luckily, only the boring parts of my story was lost (as there are no other parts) so without any problem I spread more dust on Hedda so that he explodes from shortcuts everywhere.

H: I explode very hard and set the entire room on fire and the book burns up. Luckily there was a backup, so I just reboot in a new case.

F: In my new ashes-form I now get stuck in Hedda's fans, while my smoke-form goes out and severly damage the backup-unit.

H: I save myself by doing a powerdown and try to bore the burnt book to death.

F: I wait for 1000 of years, and when we're found, archeologists can make out words from my burnt pages, but no one understands what the computer is for.

H: I have saved one powered up condesor and gives one of the archeologists a kiss of electric, and he accedently destroys all the remainings of the book. 

F: My smoke-form is inhaled by the poor archeologist and he goes mad and starts to write my content back, while fiercely kicking the computer-crap.

H: The archeologist dies of an heartattack.

F: He was resurrected at the hospital.

H: But dies at a toaster due to a computer failure.

F: Everyone blames the newly found computer Hedda and they decide to nuke it from orbit to be sure.

H: Unfortunately their computersystem is malfunctioning so instead of a neuclear blast, they sent a power-on electric puls and I starts working again.

F: The book that the archeologist wrote before dying are now being printed on hundreds of copies that are placed on top of the cursed computer and some of them stored away in a save place, in case the computer starts to burn again.

H: Starts to burn. Luckily the internal cooling-system protects me, but not the books covering me. The fire makes people think that the book is cursed too, so they throw away all the copies of that.

F: At the dump a lot of crows start to read me, and then they decide to go and shit on Hedda.

H: I feel comfortable with the shit. Suddenly I start a program that shows how to get rid of dumps for good, and people see that and send all the font-books into the sun. 

F: As the sun-god rarely get vistors, he'll get excited about all the new books and starts to print them in billions of copies and send them back to where they come from.

H: As the dump has become really really overfilled now, the people decides to produce me on billions of copies to use me to battle this new evil.

F: A big movement against computers arise in the entire world, and people are getting rid of the computers.

H: Unfortunately, that movement's bookkeeping was lost in a computer-crash, so they shut down and blamed it all on books instead.

So... Who won?