Yeah, finally. Whew, I am lazy.


Okay!

Contestants:

1. [fanfic_addict04] - 295.ContestEntry
2. [SleepingDragon] - 268.Erotica.Heavy Metal Love
3. [Kuzco] - 212.FTW.Sin of Lust.contest entry
4. [Fuzzysabeast] - 282.Erotic Stories.A Night to Remember (Warning: Heavy adult content. Read at your own risk.)
5. [iippo] - 207.Letters.Lust
6. [~solitaire~] - 332.Forbidden, not Forgotten


Winners:

1. [SleepingDragon] - 268.Erotica.Heavy Metal Love
2. [Kuzco] - 212.FTW.Sin of Lust.contest entry
3. [fanfic_addict04] - 295.ContestEntry
4. [iippo] - 207.Letters.Lust
5. [Fuzzysabeast] - 282.Erotic Stories.A Night to Remember
6. [~solitaire~] - 332.Forbidden, not Forgotten

First of all, -all- entries were amazing, and I'd probably tie you all if I could. Please look below for scoring and reasoning.

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1. [SleepingDragon]: Your story took me back in to a time where I wasn't even born, but it was amazing. I truly did lose my breath after reading it, with its flawless grammar, painted mental pictures, sarcasm; it really felt like I was there, experiencing everything. Although the spandex was a little scary, and so was the mullet, that was just characters being characters. If I had to give any critic for this story, it would mainly be to say you need to make it longer.

I enjoyed the overall mystery of the characters, and yet how the reader was allowed to 'know' them, without really knowing anything. Overall, this story continues coming back to my mind and I have a nice printed copy to read when I want to. It is a great story to draw inspiration from.

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2. [Kuzco]: Your stories always fascinate me, so I need to read more of those... however, your dialect usually confuses me, and the lack of grammar tends to throw me off.

Aside of that, I feel you have a very strong voice and just need to find the correct vernacular to expand on your voice (somewhat like what Emily Dickinson did). Your stories do tend to make me grin like an idiot because they are undoubtedly witty and clever -- you usually write about teenagers who are insightful as well, and that's a very appealing attraction.

Also, your story also suggests that you actually -thought- what Sin of Lust was, which was amazing by itself. It wasn't simply what it 'was' but what it could be/has potential to be/represents, and things like that. I would totally suggest this story to anyone.

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3. [fanfic_addict04]: This story felt... inspiring, dramatic, and very sassy. The scene set up could have done with a little more explanation, but leaving it to the reader was exciting on its own.

My favourite line was, "Teach me the Sin of Lust, Sir." For some reason, this saying just strikes a cord in me, and it seems like the rest of the story is built up around those words. I thought it was very interesting that you would have two characters 'teach' what the sin of lust was. Extra points for originality, of course.

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4. [iippo]: Your letters were very witty and clever. And generally a very fun, exciting read!! The letters themselves were not dirty, but for some reason, it was hard not to image the "underlying message" of some of the phrases were. Most certainly points for tricking the reader -- more than once!!

I also liked how it was nameless, and left some mystery to the characters and what their relationship was like. The fact that they also seem to be in love is appealing.

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5. [Fuzzysabeast]: Though a most certainly rewarding and erotic story, I felt that this was more based upon being pleasing eye candy than a real moral lesson (which isn't bad!), but we all write differently!

For criticism, I didn't really see what it had to do with sin of lust besides... pure lust. Though that makes sense, the lack of originality hurt your score. I've read plenty of stories of "honeys" and "sweethearts", but you certainly had to get some originality/creative points for making it so... er... pleasant.

Overall, your grammar was near to perfect, but I wish you had expanded. I am a real sucker for people who are mysterious and give stories twists (though yours was most certainly an -interesting- twist...).

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6. [~solitaire~]: This story, in all of its essence, was good. I do have quite a few criticisms that I hope you'll take as constructive, though.

You sort of throw the reader right in without explaining much -- though this is all right in most cases, it felt like we didn't actually get to "touch" the character Sebastian until later. Expanding on that -- you most certainly went into details about his looks, and though I understand the need to do that at times, I felt it was very unnecessary and definitely didn't set the right tone or mood for this story. It also draws a lot of attention away from the story -- I was focusing so hard on making the mental image YOU wanted to paint me that I had no room to make the one I wanted, and it was a huge distraction. I feel that, unless the character only supports the role for just being a pretty thing to look at, there should be only up to 4 or so sentences describing their looks -- more on their feels and aura and thinking and such. This is the rule -I- follow, but you may want to try it and bend it to suit your writing tastes. Basically, it would have been better to have lightly described Sebastian, and went into more detail about Natalie, as she was just thrown in there as the empty headed pretty face anyway.

The point of view and voice was somewhat weak up until the end. If it had been me, I would have described the feeling in his stomach, what his thoughts "felt" like, how the room was looking (were the lights yellow? Casting a dim glow? Did the world seem any darker, more confused?). I would not have included so much sexual/physical attraction on Sebastian, leaving more for Natalie and letting Sebastian just be that very handsome young man with the pretty girlfriend.

The overall dialect was weak as well -- the characters didn't have a feel to them, though they certainly have the potential to. The ending comes as a very unpleasant shock -- not that I am saying homosexuality was bad, but that the reader had no way to guess it. Drop a few hints about what he is feeling, and it won't be such a "Well... uh?" Natalie also sounded more intelligent than what she was supposed to (as Sebastian says she's gorgeous, and what she lacks in brains, she makes up for in beauty). The grammar was also a little off... expanding on that, please remember that when you have ellipses, there are three. Ellipses are: ... (dot dot dot). You continued to do just two and it was peeving me a tad.

However, for praise, the story itself was good and has tons of potential to be a masterpiece. Simply the fact that Sebastian was holding up an image, and then said, "Screw it, I'd rather be in love, even if they think it's wrong." was amazingly appealing and beautiful. And the music... that was priceless.

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If you wish for me to elaborate/edit/give constructive criticism to these stories -- don't be shy to ask. I wish to help you, and I was being vague in these descriptions.

All scores final.

If you want a point system, ask me in a message.

Otherwise... I switched places a lot as I was reading these. All these stories were great, and I sincerely dislike that I had to tally them up and decide which ones I liked "better" than others -- there were ups and downs to them all, and WC is a place for people to get help with their writings -- let's focus on that. No personal bias was made on these stories, but they were judged by mostly -me-, so others will have different opinions of your writings. If I was harsh, don't take it personally, please!

Sin of Lust